Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Drive By Protest

I was walking in the Sanayeh area today and I encountered a protest in front of the Interior Ministry. I'm not sure what the protest was about, but I am certain it was the Communist Party. Shocking, I know.

About 50 armed Policemen guarded the Ministry on full alert. The protesters were 10, 3 of which were undercover agents infiltrating the crowds. Here's how you spot undercover agents at a communist rally. One, they have used a razor within the past year (applies to both sexes). Two, they don't know the words to Sheikh Imam songs. Three, their red shirts are not washed out.

After I enjoyed a couple of Marcel Khalife classics by this enthusiastic chorus, I proceeded with my walk since I knew there will be no real action with the police outnumbering the protestors 5-1. I reach the corner and I saw 3 truckloads of Riot Police in a parking lot waiting for trouble to start.

"يا طخّو، يا بتكسر مخّو"

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

White Summer

Lebanese Mating Season runs from late April until mid September, Thursday through Sunday of each week. The April early birds are those who make the decision to get hitched in winter but courteously wait for the felines to be done. Plus what kind of future would await a couple that doesn’t ride in a convertible during their wedding day honking motorcade? The September weddings are for the desperate. Those have definitely settled for their 10th choice at best.

A Lebanese wedding is more like a Bride’s obstacle course. The first challenge for a Bride-to-be is when a Suitable Suitor shows up, she has to drop everything (Studies, Boyfriends, etc…). If she fails this test, she’d be forever labeled as a Mfazlakeh.

Then comes “The Test” which all girls pass of course due to modern medical advances . Every thing else becomes secondary. Unless the suitable suitor is of a different suit. In that case the festivities get moved to Cyprus and some family members might bless the unholy union with Death Threats. Otherwise we’re good to go for the Wedding Day.

Fitting into the dress is a universal challenge, but the first big test on the Lebanese Wedding day is sticking the dough. A Bride must stick a piece of dough on the door of her house-to-be. That might sound easy, but she must do it while being carried on the shoulders of the groom and the perverted uncle who offers to help just so he can get an ass grab. If she fails then “Thanks for coming” the wedding is off.; no pressure.

Dough sticks? Then proceed with “I Do”s and the "Wililililililililiiish"s.
The make up challenge is the toughest of them all , no Lebanese Bride has been able to pass this test in the presence of Grandmothers. This one is not a deal breaker though.

After the reception, there is one more obstacle. Just when the bride thinks it’s all over and she’s finally going to get some , she is paraded around town in a loud scandalous honking motorcade to let everyone know someone is getting laid tonight.

Mazel Tov.

Sunday, May 28, 2006

Overheard Today

Abou Abed: Now let's see. Who fired First, What Retaliated and I don't know Re-retaliated.
Bou Stef: That's what I wanna find out.
Abou Abed: I say Who's firing.
Bou Stef: You know the fellows' names?
Abou Abed: Certainly
Bou Stef:Who fired First?
Abou Abed:Yes!
Bou Stef: I mean the fellow's name!
Abou Abed:Who!
Bou Stef: The guy on the Border!
Abou Abed: Who!
Bou Stef: The Rocketman!
Abou Abed: Who!
Bou Stef: The guy firing Rockets!
Abou Abed: Who fired first!
Bou Stef: Now whaddya askin' me for?
Abou Abed: I'm telling you Who fired first.
Bou Stef: Well, I'm asking YOU who's firing.!
Abou Abed: That's the man's name.
Bou Stef: That's who's name?
Abou Abed: Yes.
Bou Stef: Well go ahead and tell me.
Abou Abed: Who.
Bou Stef: The guy firing.
Abou Abed: Who!
Bou Stef: The Rocketman.
Abou Abed: Who fired!

Disclaimer: This post was 100% Plagiarized. Harvard here I come!

Friday, May 26, 2006

The Amal and PSP Thugs at it again

For the second time this week, the Amal thugs and the PSP thugs go at it in an all out brawl on the LAU campus. The Army and Police have taken control of the campus, and the students were sent to the Voile Bleu early this weekend. Yes LAU, so that meant a lot of ripped Armani shirts and smashed Rolexes, and that also means Pace e Luce will have to work overtime tonight to repair the damage.

Word is AUB campus followed suit and cancelled afternoon clashes. I mean classes.

Thursday, May 25, 2006

Happy Israeli Gift Day

I've been extremely busy the last couple of days, but I can't let this day pass without thanking Israel for their generosity of 6 years ago.

On this day in 2000, Israel made a historically unprecedented move by giving up land for free. Just like that, out of the goodness of its heart.

But, the Lebanese being the ungrateful bastards we are, we want more more more.

So for the greedy in you I have this lebanese Saying for you.

"Iza Ken Habibak 3asal , Ma telhaso kello."

Thank you Israel, and Get well soon Uncle Ariel.

Wednesday, May 24, 2006


Irrelevant blabber.Forced Dialogues. Forced Dialogues in FousHa Arabic. Hundreds of Episodes. A Hunky Protagonist, or is he the antagonist. Suspenseless Drama. Guest characters. Weird Names. Amateurish Camera work. Worldwide audience. Unskilled actors. Elongated themes. Staged fights.

What is it?

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

I too ask the Interpol to arrest Walid Jumblat...

....Nabih Berri, Samir Geagea, The crook that robbed me in Prague, Ariel Sharon's comatose fat ass, Geroge W. Bush, the crooks that I had to bribe in the Czech Republic, Brother Bashar Assad, Donald Rumsfeld, Brother Rustum Ghazaleh, Phillip Morris, Brother Moustapha Tlas, Michel Hayek, Brother Abdel Halim Khaddam, My ex-Girlfriend, The Dallouls, OJ Simpson, The Fattoushs, Benjamin Netenyahu, The owner of that Restaurant in Aley who "Hit and Ran" back in 1999, Ronaldinho, 2003 Fiesta Bowl Back Judge Terry Porter, the Producers of "Magnolia", the whole staff of Electricite du Liban, "Martyr" Yasser Arafat and a few other Martyrs while you're at it.

Sunday, May 21, 2006

Crazy Thought

I've always argued that the happiest people are kids and crazy folks. Therefore, I've set insanity as a life goal of mine.

Disney World markets itself as the "Happiest Place on Earth". I can't disagree with that. Disney has succeeded in convincing people that being a kid is a good thing, and Disney World is a place were you are encouraged to be a kid and you'd be accepted as one (after you pay the Adult admission fee of course).

The way I see it, Beirut can equally claim the "Happiest Place on Earth" title by virtue of insanity. No other place can drive you insane like Beirut. We only need a Walt Disney to convince the people of Beirut to accept insanity as a good thing and we'd be set.

Friday, May 19, 2006

Sense of Urgency

I love our Government's and our Dialoguers' Composure.

In a country rich in its problems, most people would go crazy and panic trying to solve everything at once. Instead our leaders always keep their heads on straight. They take their time and work elaborately on each individual trouble spot. Step by step, one by one. Complete undivided attention to the details of each issue no matter how irrelevant it is.

I think I will adopt the same approach in my life, I will dedicate the next 4 months (extendable if necessary) exclusively to decide whether I should've gone with Cheerios instead of Sunnyside Up Fried eggs for breakfast this morning.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

From Lebanon 11

"It's Free" "بلا حقها"

It is the most despised phrase you can hear during a commercial transaction. What might seem like a smooth purchase will become nightmarish when the salesperson utters these 2 words.

Bargaining down a price is an essential skill developed through growth and experience, but a "بلا حقها" interrupts the instinctual habits as it forces you to go against nature.

How can an offer of free services be so evil? Well, because it is not genuine. If you take it literally, you will be accused of stealing. When a salesperson uses this phrase he is not being generous, he is forcing you to reverse bargain. He will insist on a "بلا حقها" until you are forced to start offering what you think is fair value. However the incessant "بلا حقها" will not stop pushing you into the unnatural position of offering more than his asking price of Zero.

Since you, being a fair normal person, will not walk away with the product or service for free. You will end up offering a sum of money well over the market value to counter the sales person "generosity". That is when the "بلا حقها" barrage stops, but instead of the salesperson being happy and appreciative of your offer; He (yes always a He) will be angry at you for breaking his word.

You just bullied him into accepting evil of money when all he wanted was to please you for free.

"بلا حقها" a Lebanese trade traditional strategy that was not taught in my MBA program.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Sausage Fest - The Final Day Maybe

I was duped. I must admit when they first announced the National Dialogue I thought they were gonna throw all these people in one room with Elie Skaff, no food, and no showers until they resolve their issues. I thought maybe after a while they would SMS vote people out. I dreamt that they would be forever locked in and we'd never ever hear of them again.

Alas, none of that happened.

However, we must appreciate and reward the efforts and the risks that our leaders went through to save us from a civil war in which they would kill us.

The highest honor bestowed, the John Bolton Cedar Shield, for the biggest and only winner in the conference goes to Hassan Nasrallah. Dude was like Michael Jackson serving milk and cookies to the kids around the table. Too easy.

The Black and Decker irrelevant tool award is shared by Nabih Berri and Fouad Siniora.

The Map Reader award goes to the Beik, and Kiwi's Shiniest head to the Doc.

The Michel El Murr tightest jaw award goes to ,.... Drum roll.... Michel El Murr.

A Gold Star and a Smiley face for Elie Skaff. Bravo ya Batal!

A Silver spoon goes to ... nah, he doesn't need it.

As for the rest, well, you still have today to try to earn something.

Sunday, May 14, 2006

Sunday Food Questions

How many tables does the average "Meza Vegetable Bowl" visit?

Why do all Lebanese get an Ice Cream urge in the South Bound Lane of the Coastal Highway at the Jounieh-Kaslik Junction?

Same question but with Corn on the Cob and Manara Corniche?

Are we the only country in the world that wraps French Fries in bread?

What the heck is a Francisco and how did it become a staple of Lebanese cuisine?

Friday, May 12, 2006

Product Rating


Auntie: Did you get it yet?
Tante: No not yet, I can't wait any longer, they promised it won't take more than 2 weeks.

Auntie: Khay, Hope you get lucky with it.
Tante: Yeah, I hope it won't torture me.

Auntie: It'll be all good, Ethiopian?
Tante: No, no, no, that's the Laziest Brand.

Auntie: True, but don't tell me it's Sri Lankan, that's the dirtiest.
Tante: God forbid, No. Are you crazy?

Auntie: I thought maybe. What is it then?
Tante: Philipino, of course.

Auntie: Oh yeah, these are the best. They come "learned".
Tante: Yeah, I have no patience to teach anymore.

Auntie: Yalla, hope you receive it soon.

Babysitting Saad

As long as the Secular Peace Loving citizens of Lebanon don't build a massive force to overthrow the multiheaded dictatorship we have, we are stuck with our current "Budding Democracy/Tri-theist Feudal System." A Lebanese citizen's fate is tied to the political decisions of the 3 Gods of the Sects that count. Recently 2 Gods started mounting an attack on the Third one, who currently holds more power than allowed by our delicate system of Checks and Balances.

They might actually succeed in crushing Lord Saad, but that too would violate our Sacred Checks and Balances which would be a very dangerous omen. Destroying a God causes a void that must be filled immediately. With the lack of a strong alternative to Lord Saad, that void might well be filled by another Lord Turbaned and Bearded. Can we afford that?

So with the lack of a decent replacement God, the Lebanese must babysit Lord Saad and make sure he keeps pace with the other 2.

Now if you think this is complicated, keep in mind this is still Lebanonology 101.

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Protest Survival Kit

Let the pissing match begin. 250 Billion Teachers took to the streets of Beirut to protest something. Yesterday was the first of many "biggest demonstration in the history of Lebanon" to come in the next few weeks. So when your turn to take to the street comes make sure to keep in mind these essential tips.

Flags and banners are essential for demonstrations, actually they are the demonstration. Keep the sweatty people and replace the flags with lollipops and it becomes a rave. So make sure you have the flags, BUT make sure you are not the one carrying them. While flag waving can be fun for a minute or two, it gets tiring and annoying after that; plus you will need your hands free for holding your breath, tossing molotovs, or doing hand signals.

Water is important but carry just enough to keep you alive, extra water will weigh you down if you carry it in your hand and it hinders your tear gas dodging ability if you carry it in your bladder.

Ladies, NO High Heels! I know yesterday you didn't want to be mistaken for a Hezbollahian, but trust me, the blinding fluorescent orange took care of that. Also Gucci kinda weakens your case at a Union protest.

If you're thinking about making a quick buck at the protest by selling party memorabilia, coffee, water, ice cream, or Rear View Mirror Elvises; then think again because someone already beat you to that.

See you at the Bakers' demonstration.

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

On the Eve of May 10th

At this moment it seems as "all systems go" for tomorrow's Labor Unions' march. As is the case with everything else in Lebanon, the unions belong to rival political parties. So Labor demands naturally put us on "the verge" of civil war.

As usual the majority team cried "Syria", I'm not sure that still has any effect though. I mentioned Kamel El Assaad a couple of posts back, well I think he is Saad Hariri's dynasty advisor. At the pace things are going, I wouldn't be surprised if Fouad Siniora and Saad Hariri end up in jail for the assassination of Rafiq Hariri.

Anyways, I will go down to the street tomorrow and quiz the people on the economic reform plan, that should be interesting.

Monday, May 08, 2006

Night Capper

I've been finally cleared of the Spam Charges, I doubt I will ever recover from this accusation. I could live with being labeled a Terrrorist, but a Spammer! That is just the low of lows. But back to business....

No matter what night and what club you chose for your "Sahra" in Lebanon, at some point during the evening the music will be halted mid beat for the "Congratulations and Celebrations" song. Along with its accompanying flares and champagne, the Unbekannt (yep that's their name) hit is the only way to celebrate a Birthday in the Beirut night life scene.

Who am I to go against tradition.

Congratulations and celebrations
When I tell everyone that you're in love
with me
Congratulations and jubilations
I want the world to know I'm happy as can be.

Sunday, May 07, 2006

Genetic Degradation

My grandfather never went to school because the education budget that was supposed to go to him and his peers went to Kamel El Assaad's Learning Fund instead. I went to "The U", the absolute bestest university on earth. Here's a poem by my illiterate, yet published, Grandfather. Meanwhile the Anti-Spam Robot just described my writing as "irrelevant, repetitive, or nonsensical text." Take that Darwin.

This is from his book Ar-Rawabi Al-Amiliyyah, I managed to type it in Arabic in less than 3 days.

الجملُ الشارد

أظُنكَ قد سَئِمت من الطُّلولِ
وأنّاتِ الأرامِل و العويلِ

تَركْتَ الدّارَ تنعي مَن بناها
لِتَشرُد في البراري والسّهولِ

تَلَفََّّتَ نحو صَوتي ، ثمّ أصغى
وحدّق بي ليعرف عن فُضولي

فقلت له: عزيزي إن تُطِعْني
أُعِدَّكَ صاحب الخلق النّبيل

وتَرجعُ للحظيرةِ في أمانٍ
وما في الدّار من ظلٍّ ظليل

وأرْغى ثم أزْبَدَ لن أُلبي:
وما تبغيه فوق المستحيل

عَرَضْتَ نَصيحةً، فإليك عذري
سأرفُضُها مع الشُّكرِ الجزيلِ

وإن أحببت فَاسمعْ عن حياتي
وأهلي في الفُروعِ و الأصول

أنا جملٌ من الصَّحراء أصلي
أصيلٌ في العُروق من الفُحول

دُعيتُ سفينة الصحراءِ يوماً
تُسيَّر بالبخارِ على الرُّمولِ

وفي عَصْرِ الفضاء يضيعُ قََََدري
فأمقِتُ ذِكرَ تاريخٍ خجول

وكانت جدّتي من سَهل عكّا
وجدّي كان من صفدِ الجليل

نشأت بأرض عاملةًٍ صغيراً
وفي لبنان في البلدِ الجميلِ

وعِشت بهذه الدُّنيا وحيداً
ومات الكلُّّ من أبناءِ جيلي

وعافت عادة التّدخين نَفْسي
وإنّي ارتَحتُ من هذا القبيل

وما حاولت نَظم الشّعر يوماً
وما أُغريت من طرفٍ كحيل

ولم أعشق وما مرّغت خدّي
بمسحوقٍ على خدٍّ أسيل

وما وفِّقت من أبناء جنسي
بأُنثى تستريح لها ميولي

ولم أندم لأنّي لم أُوفّق
لأني ما جنَيْتُ على فصيل

وقُلتُ: إذا قُتلت وضاع عمري
سأقضي و الصّغار بلا معيل

وأرملتي تنام بحضن غيري
وأبنائي كأبناء السّبيلِ

حسبت العيش في لبنان سهلاً
بظلِّ نسيمه العذب العليلِ

ولكني فُشِلْتُ و خاب ظنّي
شردتُ: ورُحت اغرق بالذهول

بُليتُ بصاحبٍ قاسٍ عنيدٍ
شحيح النّفس مبتذلٍ بخيل

يجود على حمارته كثيراً
ويعطيني من العلف القليل

وكنتُ من الحمير أشدُّ عزماً
ومن جنس البغال و مِ الخيول

أكولٌ أطحن ((القوصان)) طحناً
كأنّ بلثّتي انياب فيل

كَلُبْدَةِ ضيغمٍ يعلو سنامي
وسيقاني كأعمدة النّخيل

قويٌّ مثل صلد الصخر رأسي
وإني صاحب العنق الطويل

سُقيتُ المرَّ من عَسفٍ و جَورِ
و لمّا يُحترَم عرضي و طولي

ويسبقني حمارٌ قُبرُصيٌّ
من الأتراك أكثر من جهول

حمارٌ كان ممقوتاً كريهاً
ويوصَفُ بالبلادة و الخُمول

وأنهَرُ ثمّ أتبع رغم أنفي
أَمشي مشية العبد الذليل

وتجرح شفرة الصُّوان خُفّي
وأرجع بالغلال من الحقول

وأركع كَي يكون الحِملُ فوقي
أنوَءُ بوطأةِ الحمل الثّقيل

وأَقضي اليوم في عطشٍ و جوعٍ
أكدُّ من الصّباح إلى الأصيل

وهى عزمي و صرت كما تراني
أضجّ من الهزال و م النحول

خِوار الثّور يعبث في مِزاجي
ويقلقني الحصان من الصّهيل

نَعَم: إني سئمت من المآسي
وما في النّاس من قالٍ و قيلِ

سئمتُ من الحروب و من لظاها
وليس يروق لي قرع الطبول

و أصوات المدافع و الشّظايا
تُقرّبُ ساعة الحشر المهول

وينتشر الخراب بكلِّ حيٍّ
ويلقى النّاس في أشداق غول

ومن عجبٍ فإنّ القوم صمٌّ
وعميٌ في الضمائر و العقول

عَجِبتُ لقاتلٍ يجني زهوراً
وينثرها على قبر القتيل

ومَن سلك الخيانة شرّ دربٍ
ومِن شرِّ المُنافق و العميل

وهل أُخبِرتَ عن نذلٍ جبانٍ
تهاوى أمام أقدام الدّخيل

ولمّا ضِقت في بيروتَ ذرعاً
وما فيها من الخطر الوبيل

قصدت إلى بلاد الشّام أسعى
إلى بَرَدى لِكي أطفي غليلي

فقيلَ بأنّني جَملٌ غريبٌ
نُسلتُ من التّتار أو المغول

ومجهولُ الهويّةِ أجنبيٌّ
وإني قد مُنعتُ من الدخول

وإذْ وضعوا الحواجز في طريقي
تعذّر نحو بغدادٍ وصولي

وفي يومٍ قصدت ديار مِصْرٍ
فلم ألقَ لأرضها من سبيل

فلا أهرامها إعترفت بحقّي
ولا اهتمت و ليس النّيلُ نيلي

ومن أدهى المشاكل في إعتقادي
إذا أسعى إلى بلد الرّسولِ

وكُلُّ منابع الخيرات فيها
وبترولٌ تدفّقَ كالسُّيول

سَيسعى الأمرِكان إلى اعتقالي
كجاسوسِ شيوعيِّ الميولِ

وإن أنسى فلن أنسَ عذابي
وقهراَ ليس بعده من مثيل

فَفي سجن الخيام قضيت عاماً
وإخواناً ترحّبُ بالنزيل

بموفورِ الحَفاوةِ أتحفوني
بما في الصّحن من عدسٍ و فول

وكانَ مجاهدٌ يلقي عظاتٍ
بتحريم الدّعارة و الكحول

عريقٌ في الجهاد له اقتدارٌ
فقيهٌ بالشّريعة و الأصول

فصيحٌ في العبارةِ حين يروي
عن التّاريخ و المجد الأثيل

ويحكي عن صلاحِ الدّينِ مجداً
وعن إبن الوليدِ و شرحبيل

وطارقُ كيف يعْبُرُ من مضبقٍ
وموسى من مضيق الدردنيل

وأسياف العروبةِ كيفَ كانت
تُمزِّقُ بالطّلائعِ و الفلول

ولكن ما فهمتُ فبين فَهمي
وبين الدَّرسِ فُسْحةُ ألفِ ميلِ

تبلّدَ من صروفِ الدّهرِ ذِهني
أُمَثِّلُ دَورَ تِلميذٍ كسول

وكانت تُهمةُ الإرهابِ ضدّي
جُزافاً لا تقوم على دليل

ومارسَ مهنة التّعذيب موسى
لحاه الله من قََزمٍ هزيل

بسلك الكهرباء كوى عظامي
وأنفي كان يُمرَغُ في الوحول

وموسى فاسدُ الأخلاقِِ لصٌّ
أتى يسطو على عِنَبِ الخليلِ

فلا حلَّ السّلامُ بِقومِ موسى
عُصاةِ اللهِ أتباعِ العُجول

ولم أجهش و لم تنْزِل دموعي
وكانت لا تَكُفّ عن الهُطول

وكانت أُسوةً بأبي فراسٍ
فَتى حمدانَ و البَطلِ الجليلِ

ولمّا أثبت التّحقيقُ عَجزي
وجَهلي بالقنابِلِ و الفتيلِ

ببُطءٍ فكّكَ السَّجانُ قَيدي
وأخطرني بإخلاءِ السّبيلِ

ولكن رَغمَ آلامي سَأحيا
وقد يأتي الرّبيعُ من الفصول

وأرْعى في المروجِ الخُضرِ عُشباً
وما فوقَ الأديمِ من البُقولِ

صَديقي: سَوفَ أبقى في البراري
ولأَن أهوى سِواها من بديلِ

أُكَحِّلُ من ضياءِ الشّمس عيني
تَراها في الشُّروقِ و في الأفولِ

وأقصِدُ إن عَطِشت النّهر ليلاً
وآنَسُ بالوُحوشِ و بالوُعول

خَلعتُ مَذلّتي و خلعت رِحلي
ومن يومٍ عَزِمتُ على الرّحيل

ولن أبقى و حِمْلي فوق ظهري
ولن أرضى بأنصافِ الحُلولِ

محمد جعفر
الرّوابي العامليّة

Friday, May 05, 2006

Kudos to Hmadeh, Kordahi, and co.

Our successive Ministers of Communications are on to something. All along I thought they were slacking, but I must admit I underestimated their visionary strategy.

When I keep hearing that Iraq and Afghanistan have much faster internet connections than Lebanon, I can't help but think that something is really wrong with this picture. How do we expect the country to progress when we don't have enough bandwidth to download Paris Hilton's latest sexcapades?

Then it hit me. You know when you go buy the latest electronic gadget and then you get really pissed when a month later there's a newer model and yours is now at half price. Well, that is the feeling our men in charge are guarding us against. Why invest in a DSL network when in a couple of years there will be a new standard for internet and then 2 years after
that an even newer technology generation?

We are waiting it out, waiting for when we hit the final frontier in technology, then we can be assured that our investement is a sound one. Until then enjoy the little dial up connection beeping/scratching composition. Your ears are of the few privileged ones that still get to hear that symphonic tune in 2006 A.D.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006


Let me start by saying that garbage in the streets of Beirut is NOT a huge problem. Sure a lot of people are just dirty fucks that toss their empty and popped Bonjus boxes in vacated store fronts, but I've seen much worse.

But I do wonder what the heck did Sukleen do with the dumpster covers. Walking by a Beirut dumpster is a feat that not even David Blaine dares attempt. The garbage spillage does provide a lovely playground for our cute little kittens though.

Seriously though, I went online shopping for garbage dumpsters and was impressed with the variety and the rich designs in the garbage dumpster industry. I wonder how many garbage dumpster designers' childhood dream was to garbage dumpster design. Anyways, dozens of colors, forms, and sizes, but I failed to find any coverless models.

So My question is: Where did all the Beirut Dumpster covers go? I really would like to know.

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Window Shopper

In honor of the World's most decorated Rapper (9 Bullets and Counting) visiting Beirut, I will pay tribute to his latest hit song "Window Shopper". To my untrained ears it sounds exactly the same as his other songs "Magic Stick" and "Candy Shop" or was it "Magic Shop" and "Candy Stick." I'm sure the Connoisseur in you would disagree.Anyways, 50 will be culture shocked when he sees that a Window Shopper in Lebanon is not the same as a Window Shopper in the USA.

In Lebanon, people do literally shop out of their windows. 8 flights of stairs and no working elevator would make most people starve to death, but not the Lebanese. A long rope and a basket, plastic bag, or a Tatra Can reestablish the food supply route into any apartment.
Money down; Bread, Tomatoes, Newspapers, Stolen Appliances up. Veterans use impressive complex pulley systems to ease the exchange; however, amateur transactions are much more fun to watch. Vertical seperation does not impede salesmanship and price haggling but sorry no Visa or Mastercard.

Nigga you's a window shopper....