Friday, February 29, 2008

Libertad, Libertad!

Overheard on April 14th, 1961 at Cafe Versailles, Eighth Street, Miami, FL

-Oye Doña, un cortadito por favor. Make it special, it'll be my last one in this country.

- What do you mean last one, Chico.

-Listen Jacinto, we can't go wrong.

-What if...

- No what ifs, no nothing. We will go in through the Bay go straight up the hill. Once we're on the hilltop Fidel will have nowhere to go but to jump in the sea.

- I don't know, Men. Can we do that alone.

- We will not be alone man, that's the beauty of it. The Gringos will bomb Fidel by air, to open the way for us. Señor Jon Jon senior promised us support. The Gringos already deployed 3 warships to cover our butts. It'll be over in a week. Even the prisons are ready, we just need the prisoners.

- A week, chico!?


This post is dedicated To Ahmad El Assaad, Dory Chamoun, and their other cute little playpals.

Monday, February 25, 2008

بالإذن من إبن عربي

كل مبادرة شفيعها عمر موسى، لا يعوّل عليها
كل قمّة لأمّة قادتها طغاة، لا يعوّل عليها
كل جدار يفصل حبيبين ،مهما علا لا يعوّل عليه
كل سلاح قمع ذكي كان أم غبي، لا يعوّل عليه
كل احتجاج مطلبه كرسيّ، لا يعوّل عليه
كل كرسي يُقعِد جالسَه مدى الحياة، لا يعوّل عليه
كل مليون تتّسع له كراسي استاد ميشيغان، لا يعوّل عليه
وكل فرد ينوب عن مليون ، لا يعوّل عليه
كل جمع ضرب و طرح و قسمة، لا يعوّل عليه

كلّ لبناني ينظّر من الغربة، لا يعوّل عليه
وكلّ غربي ينظّر من لبنان ، لا يعوّل عليه
أمّا كل لبناني ينظّر من لبنان،من أمثالي يعني، فلا يعوّل عليه

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

The Big Picture

Landmarks have always been used in directions due to the lack of street signs and building numbers in Beirut. "50 meters after the pothole", "right next to the chestnut tree", or "where that restaurant used to be" are regularly used even though that restaurant closed before you were born.

These days, however, directions have gotten much easier. You see the huge picture of Saad Hariri with his dad hovering over him? I'm in the third building to the right. There's that building with the whole side covered with a humongous Hassan Nasrallah, he's even larger than the crowd at the downtown rally. The big poster with the much younger yet no less bald Samir Geagea points you in the right direction. At the end of the road you'll see a Large picture of Pierre Gemayyel turn right; your right, his left. Don't worry the power is out but the general and his bright orange mural will illuminate the way. And just in case you get lost getting to Nabih Berri's residence, there he welcomes you with a slick smile and even slicker Ray Bans.

You can't miss it.

Saturday, February 16, 2008

Penny Pinching

Haifa Wehbe $75,000; Nancy Ajram $75,000; Najwa Karam $75,000; Assi Hellani $75,000; Elissa $75,000; Majida El Roumi $60,000; Ragheb Alameh $60,000; Nawal El Zoghbi $50,000; Wael Kfouri $50,000, Fares Karam $40,000; Walid Toufic $30,000; Dominique Hourani $25,000; Jad Choueiri $25,000; Mayez El Bayyaa $Peanuts; Ahmad Kaabour $Tossed Salad.

15 acts for a maximum total cost of $715,000 and a guaranteed "1.5 Million."

...and he's the one that's supposed to be the Money wiz.

Wednesday, February 06, 2008

Nothing Nice to Say

How does it go? "If you have nothing nice to say... just say mean things." My silence over the last few weeks is not due to the lack of things to talk about, but the lack of nice things to say. Anger is a different domain with its own specialists.

Today, there's a World cup Qualifier against Uzbekistan. The weather is beautiful , so here's an opportunity to enjoy an outdoor activity away from the soapish drama of Lebanese so called politics; except the game will be held in an empty stadium to preserve civil peace. Let's see if I can con my way to a press pass. More on that tomorrow if I succeed in making it into that beautiful serene stadium.

The affair between the Free Patriotic Movement and Hezbollah reminds me of Woodstock. Except there is no alcohol. Ok there is very little sex. The drugs are prescription, and there is no rock and roll. The main event tonight culminates a week of love expressions hardly ever seen on the Lebanese scene. Don't get me wrong, I'll take fake love over real bombs any time, but get a room. The big question for tonight remains will they or will they not kiss, but I think Claude Shalhoub would have been more appropriate than Jean Aziz for the occasion.

What the heck is a Sansoul? The song has been stuck in my head for a week and I have no clue what it means.