The more the leaks, the more it reeks

See I'm all for fair play and sportsmanship and all that crap, but hypothetically if I were to cheat to win a football game here' s how I would do it. First of all I would convince some idiots to sponsor my team with billions of dollars. See I need all the help I can get because I do not belong on a football field. My athletic abilities are more apt for Mahjong than they are for football, and even then I'd risking serious injuries. No worries, idiots with money abound around here. I would invest some money in the best damn equipment out there... Best cleats, the kind that add speed to the shot... Best Space age polymers Shin Guards... Best Circumcision friendly Cups... Best Rhinoplasty friendly nose guards... The works....

Then of course I would buy off the referees, and I don't mean just the referees of the match. I would buy off the whole profession. Why the heck not, I would have the money to do it.I would also sabotage the opponents' preparations. I would invite a mole colony to take refuge in their practice field. I would buy all the balls in the market so they are forced to play with straw stuffed hemp bags. 

But that doesn't guarantee a win... because I am that incompetent. 

I would google earth their practice formations, while paying off google to pixelate my practice field. I would also hire attractive sex workers to sap all their stamina the night before the game. I would pay off their team's cook to serve a potent laxative as a game day appetizer. 

I would still need to catch a lucky break... I would need the opponents' bitter goalkeeper hating his teammates' guts and volunteering to notify me which side will he be diving to in order to increase my chances of scoring.

In other words, I need to have all the advantages Israel had in its 2006 war against Lebanon, and I would still lose... because frankly my football skills are just as bad as Israel's military tactics.

An embarrassment to Propaganda

There's no denying that I am a fan of the art of Propaganda. This is probably why I feel that bad propaganda insults me on a personal level. Specially when you have all the available resources to produce kick-ass propaganda yet lay an egg.

Exhibit A is the constant dose of Franklin Lamb used by the Hezbollah propaganda machine to show that they have "western" backing. Way to cheapen a "holy" cause. With over 6 decades of history to prove the worthiness of your struggle, you settle for a kook.

Exhibit B is the Future Movement resorting to street banners to convey their message. With a multi-million dollar media empire which owns satellite television outlets, radios, newspapers, and magazines along with tens of hired pens disseminated throughout the international news making business; what could possibly prompt you to go such a primitive propaganda display? Maybe they feel threatened by the only other major player in the street banner arena, Kamal Shatila...