Today's Betting Odds

Which world Capital will be wiped off the map first?

Tokyo 2-1
Damascus 4-1
Tehran 4-1
Tel Aviv 7-1
Baghdad 10-1
Pyongyang 20-1
Beirut 20-1
Washington DC 40-1
Oslo 1,000,000-1

A moment of colorful national Unity

At Wednesday’s Asian Football Cup Final, the VIP section’s political representation featured a sky blue minister, orange and green parliament members, and a yellow former MP, they all cheered for the burgundy.

Can they be that blind?

Absolutely, and you ain’t seen nothing yet.

A month or so ago, the Gazans were idiotically celebrating the “liberation” of that tiny overpopulated parcel of land. The image out of the region was: Israelis agonizing the loss of their homes, Palestinians celebrating the Israelis’ agony, and Jabba being hailed universally as a courageous peace hero. Credit has to be given where it’s due, the PR job by the Israeli government was masterful. Now beyond the façade painted by this PR machine, the Gaza withdrawal was nothing more than a strategic military repositioning. There was 9000 Israelis surrounded by 2 million Palis. That was expensive to maintain and hard to secure. Relocate these settlers to the West Bank, with a nice relocation bonus mind you ($100k-$500k depending on family size). Fortify you positions around this surrounded area. Voila! A prison for 2 million people without having to deal with feeding the prisoners or keeping them from killing each other. More importantly, no Red Cross or Amnesty hippies’ condemnations since it is not a prison but rather a “sovereign territory.” Back to Jabba, he is a blood lusting racist military Hutt. He has killed thousands in his life time and feeling his mortality (since not even industrial strength Drano can clear the clogs in his veins) he wants to go out on the top of his game. His disengagement plan provides him with an engagement zone to work on his master battle. The rehearsal was immediately after the withdrawal/repositioning with some “targeted” air raids on Gaza. This week after a suicide/homicide/martyrdom/crazy-religious-lunatic/desperately-oppressed-confused-soul/terrorist/freedom fighter bomber strikes in northeast Israel, naturally the reprisals come by bombing Gaza (southwest Israel) in addition to hundreds of fake raids just to terrify the liberated citizens of Gaza.
Of course expect more of the same, Zarqawi strikes in Baghdad, bomb Gaza. A terrorist attack in Bali, bomb Gaza. New York Yankees lose, carpet bomb Gaza. Bird Flu, you get the point.

Bomb Sniffing Chiens

Today I heard one of the guards at the Hariri Mansion address the bomb sniffing dog in French. I guess it makes sense that the dogs are French; nowhere else can you get dogs with more olfactory experience.

From Lebanon

I was inspired by LBC’s nightly segment that highlights the achievements of people with at least half a Lebanese chromosome. So I’m going to do a similar feature that highlights some Lebanese personalities that aren’t sexy enough for primetime television.

The “Natour”

No one knows where they come from but every building has one. The Natour is always easy to spot, he’s the grumpy middle aged man wearing the wife beater and flip flops. While the moustache is easy to explain, one has to wonder how they always manage to have a five o’clock shadow beard. As soon as ground is broken on a building the Natour appears, and no one has been able to outlive a Natour to know how the succession works. Other than occupying the ground floor apartment, the Natour’s activities include tending to the buildings general needs, looking out for intruders, and watering the sidewalk. He is also the exclusive real estate agent for the building, the pirated cable provider, and for the right price a paparazzo. Once an exclusively Lebanese job, it has over the years attracted cheaper foreign labor. However, the Syrians, Egyptians and Sudanese that have stepped into the field have learned and conformed to the old traditions of the job.

The Natour: a proud tradition from Lebanon.

The Truth Behind the Truth

No real surprises in the Mehlis’ report. Pretty much everything in it had been leaked before today.

It is a sad day when the people entrusted with the protection and safety of the citizens of this country carry out an act like this that almost dragged (and could still drag) the country into a bloody mess. These people should be lynched, tried for treason, or whatever would bring the harshest punishment to them. However, this should come as no surprise to anyone. Lebanon, since its creation, has lived a culture of corruption. Corruption is entrenched in the Lebanese way of life at all levels. A kindergarten student would not get a smiley face on his doodle without an under the desk deal.

In the Hariri case, the victim played a part in cultivating the phenomenon. He bought alliances and protections for many years and that kept him on the Don’s good side and out of harm’s way. However, the Godfather died and his death left the each thug working for his own. A clash of interests created divisions and in this culture it often means blood.
Rafic Hariri had a role in his own assassination. The money used in buying the explosives can be probably traced to him.

Some might argue that Hariri had to play this dirty game to get to a position where he can make change happen. Also, Mr. Hariri can not be compared to the cold blooded assassins that murdered him. Well, I am not a big fan of the “lesser of 2 evils” idea. I also believe that you can’t fight evil with evil, or corruption with corruption, or greed with greed. Once you do that you become a part of the problem.

Mr. Hariri did a lot of good in Lebanon. His charity work is unrivaled. He was devoted to his economic plan(with which I have a few problems) for revival of Lebanon. Unfortunately, the “Truth” showed that his ties and his part in the corrupt mafia network that is the Lebanese political class ultimately doomed him.

Detailed Analysis of the Lebanese Job Market

N/A

Replacing the Cedar

I like the Cedar on the flag, but it's not representative. A Cedar lives forever, Lebanon is reborn every generation, Lebanese don't care much for nature, and sadly instead of being the one national symbol the Cedar has mutated into a variety of species depicting different warring tribes.
I suggest the Carrot as a replacement. The Lebanese have always fallen for old carrot trick. In the last century alone the Carrot has been dangled by Ottomania, France, Egypt, Iraq, Iran, Israel, Syria, Saudi Arabia, and most recently by France again and "U.S.A. U.S.A. U.S.A."
Every single time it has been chased by an ASSortment of Lebanese folks.

PETA Moment

Sniffing for Contraband has got to be a Dog's Dream Career.

Holy Loophole

Some Arab countries rearrange their daily schedules during Ramadan in a way that they can sleep (and amazingly fast too) most of the day and then work at night. God scratches his head as he didn’t see this one coming.

Here’s a tough one

Who wins in a Paranoia match, Arabs or Jews?

Martyr vs. Just Plain Dead

Since there is a lot of dying going on these days, news channels have to spice up the act of dying to differentiate between a death and a death. However it is very confusing to have a standard classification of deaths as each channel categorizes the dead differently. US troops or contractors are always just plain dead, same applies to Israelis whether they are military or civilians. Palestinians and Iraqi civilians are always martyrs, except on LBC. LBC has everyone as just plain dead except May Chidiac who is a Living Martyr. The earthquake dead are neither martyrs nor just plain dead, they are Victims. Now on to the most confusing one, Iraqi insurgents can be both. They are just plain dead when they blow themselves up killing civilians, who I reiterate are always martyrs. However, sometimes they can be martyrs if they die as a result of an Apache attack. This has changed over the course of last year as Iraqi insurgents used to be mostly martyrs, but they have been downgraded gradually to just plain dead. The newest category is when someone “commits suicide”, these deaths are called shredded evidence.

Something Stinks

The Palestinian Authority has commissioned a team to investigate the cause of death of former #1 abuser of the Palestinian cause Yasser Arafat. They suspect foul play. How could someone so young, so healthy, and so handsome die so suddenly?

Meanwhile grieving widow Suha Arafat still hasn’t finished counting the cash her late husband had stashed under his mattress.

Great Head

CNN’s Christianne Amanpour’s scalp should be studied by agricultural engineers. I’m sure their findings will lead to the biggest discovery in the soil fertility industry since manure.

Lost in Translation

Here are some words that you will not find in the Arabic Language:
Accountability
Strategy
Fashion
Decision
Proactive
Creativity
Plan
Thinker
Facts

The Kanaanite Era

I somehow doubt Ghazi Kanaan had a tell all book in the works, but maybe he will somehow expose all the "leaders" of Lebanon. He has plenty of dirt on them. Pretty much everyone in the current political picture was at one time or another a business partner of Ghazi Kanaan (Only Exception is probably Aoun, who was a business partner of Saddam Hussein, but that's a different topic for a different day). Ghazi Kanaan, unlike his successor Rustum Ghazaleh, was a tactful corrupt dictator. He didn't want it all, just 90% of everything, and he shared his loot with the local "leaders". That is why you didn't hear a peep about wanting the Syrians out during the Kanaan Reign. Everyone was happy running their little mafia operations. As a former neighbor of Kanaan I can tell you this, as long as you didn't come in direct competition with him you were left free to do as you wish. Now back to today's event, while I do not know whether or not Kanaan was directly involved in the Hariri Assassination and what it had to do with his mysterious death, I can say this at some point in the not so distant past Hariri and Kanaan were friends and partners in greed.

Ghazi Kanaan Dead

Lebanon’s former dictator Ghazi Kanaan is dead. Syrian official story claims he committed suicide, but that doesn’t mean much.
One thing is for sure though: the Assad regime is in its final hours. While that might seem like a great idea, the precedent set in Iraq for the fall of a ruthless dictator hasn’t been pretty. I expect the Arab big boys and even the US to step in and bail Assad out because they can’t afford another Iraq.

I still don’t know what Kanaan’s final revelation which he gave to Voice of Lebanon was… but he sure sounded like he knew he’s dead. He said: “Get this message to Pierre Daher (LBC), New TV, and NBN as this will be my final declaration.”

More to come…

Political Double Talk (Pardon the Redundancy)

Today US Ambassador Jeffrey Feltman-Ghazaleh visited Minister of Work Trad Hamade. Feltman-Ghazaleh along with many other US officials including Scott McClellan and Condoleeza Rice have on many occasions said they will not deal with the members of Hezbollah in the cabinet. So what is the US stance on Hezbollah Ministers? Are they really going to stand by the story that Hamade, even though directly named by Hezbollah for the post, is not a card holding member of the party?
Personally, I think it's just about the beard. (Hamade doesn't have one, while the other Hezbollah Minister Mohammad Fneish does.)

God Told me "Yo J, Thou shall post this story", and I did.

'God would tell me, 'George, go and fight those terrorists in Afghanistan'.'"And I did, and then God would tell me, 'George, go and end the tyranny in Iraq...' And I did. Link to Story

Americans Tax Money Wisely Invested

Al Hurra TV, which is how Bush wanted to win over the Middle East’s hearts and minds, is viewed by about 3 people in the region. So if you are an American Tax Payer ask your congressman to close this failed project (they don’t even show college football games) and save the money for some other scam.