Friday, August 07, 2015

Good riddance to his excellence

There’s nothing wrong for someone in a position of authority to be humble. As rare as that might sound, there are actually numerous examples of humility in power. However, there is a not so fine line between genuinely humble and outright hypocrite. Tom Fletcher, who goes by the title of her majesty’s ambassador, is unmistakably the latter. This diplomat was deployed to Beirut in 2011. His predecessor, Frances Guy, might have been genuinely humble… or at least as genuinely humble as a representative of a Crown may be. Genuineness actually may have ended her career, but more on that later.

In all fairness to humble Tom, the word humble is being redefined by generation selfie. A “look at me” era is upon us, and the empire and its Ambassadors have to adapt. The new crop of the Queen’s servants is all equipped with the look-at-me plugin. Look at her majesty’s ambassador in Cairo for example. Beirut might get him next, or any of his douchey clown clones. Basically, someone at the Foreign Office in London decided the new faces of the ever-shrinking empire have to sound like an insecure teenager. Tom Fletcher excelled at doing just that; tweeting his way to a like-minded audience and keeping it simple and dumb. But adolescent hormones play with your ego and sometimes push you to pop out of your twitter bubble exposing your ignorance and hypocrisy. Tweeting your love for hummus is one thing, but making political statements is another.

In an inane video exchange with satirist Karl Sharro, Fletcher quipped that her majesty’s constables would pick up Sharro. Fletcher of course was bragging that his country is superior when it comes to freedom of expression and that shit countries like Lebanon should follow their example. Oh how we'd love to be like thee…   

Of course, Fletcher chose to conveniently ignore that her majesty’s constables are constantly silencing journalists. While Fletcher was yapping in Beirut, UK authorities raided the offices of the Guardian and shredded hard drives. Heathrow authorities used anti-terrorism excuses to hold David Miranda. Oh, and do you remember Fletcher’s predecessor? She was silenced by her majesty’s censors when she expressed genuine human sentiment after a man she met while doing her job died. Frances Guy is no longer an Ambassador by the way.

Also, her majesty’s constable have had a street in London under siege as part of their war on WikiLeaks. Speaking of WikiLeaks, Look-at-me Fletcher seems to have wanted to be noticed from a young age. Look at young Tom passing petty information to the US embassy in Paris. But hey, petty informers grow up and become big...ambassadors.

Well, he wanted to be naked.

What else did Tom Fletcher preach about?

In one publicity stunt he wanted to show the natives how not to be racist. He did so by “trading places” in front of TV cameras with Ethiopian Kalkiden, or is it Kalkedan, or is it Kalkidan. She has no last name. I’m sure if she applied for a visa to visit her majesty’s kingdom her misspelled first name would suffice.

Fletcher cares about the borders his openly colonialist predecessors drew. The closeted colonialist loves Scotland, but loves Lebanese consumption a lot more. At the end of the day he’s a servant of an empire of monarchs and oligarchs.

Tom Fletcher, your empire is a relic. Its decaying components should replace the looted artifacts that sit as trophies in London museums. From Palestine to Egypt, Iraq, Syria and beyond. Stop loving us so much. You snooty colonizers have brought the world nothing but blood and pain.  

Your silly protocol states that you bow to your masters with class.

Well, with all the crass of a commoner I say:

Fuck their Majesty!

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