Bags of Money

I’ve missed many money making opportunities over the years. When I was a recent MBA graduate in Miami I had a brief stint working in the Florida mortgage market. This was circa 2004 and none of what was going on made sense. Already risky mortgages were encouraged to refinance at a lower interest rate increasing exposure in the process. I felt something was amiss, but how could everyone be wrong. I was in my 20s, so I wasn’t arrogant enough at the time to bet against the market. Betting on the entire US real estate market to fail is not something they’re allowed to hint at in US business schools, which adhere to the Buy! Buy! Buy! credo. There was a movie made about someone who was smarter and more arrogant than me at that time: The Big Short. He made millions. I, on the other hand, have had a million lousy jobs. 

Almost a decade later, in my 30s, I was freelancing in the nascent gig economy and a client offered to pay me in Bitcoin instead of going through the bank transfer hassle. My choice was to take 100 Bitcoin(s) (can a computer code be plural?)  or just under 3,000 USD. I opted for the Benjamins, Baby!

I’m in my 40s now and I will not miss another opportunity to make millions. Lebanon is on the verge of collapse and there’s no way to reverse that path. Since I’m not friends with Riad Salameh in order for him cut me in on one of his schemes, I have to earn my millions through Lebanese business ingenuity and I have the idea that will make it happen: Sandbags and more.

The economic collapse is imminent and some type of war (or a bunch of mini individualized wars to cover all tastes) will surely ensue, unless you really believe the dolts who just spent six months trying to hash up a budget are going to lead the country to safety. For those who missed the last war, sandbags are stacked in front of windows and storefronts to shield against stray bullets and shrapnel. Snipers also love to operate from behind stacks of sandbags. Militiamen, militiawomen, and militiagenderfluidpeople at checkpoints cower behind sandbags to avoid sniper fire, and so on. Sandbags sell fast during war, so you better get your hands on a stack early. Now if you fail to act fast or sandbags are just not your thing, don’t worry, Sandbags and More will have something that fits you: a body bag. Of course, all our bags are biodegradable. Militias might be bloodthirsty, but they are definitely more rational than environmilitants. 

So who wants to invest*?

*We accept every kind of currency, cryptocurrency,  and even (one might say especially) crypt currency as long as it doesn't have Riad Salameh's signature on it.