Joseph Smaha, 4 years later

(This tribute was originally published on this blog on February 26th, 2007.)

Today We Must Think a Little Harder

Life Goes On, but it must not go on dumber, less informed, mentally poorer. We were privileged to have our collective minds enriched on a daily basis by a ten minute read each morning that encapsuled decades of knowledge, a philosophical library, and a strategic eye that saw beyond all horizons. No single pen can replace these lines. We, each of us, must make up a little of this loss on our own.

Who are we and us? The commies raced to claim an old comrade. The Arab nationalists have anointed him above Abdel Nasser. Muslims, Christians, Secular, and Infidels as Ziad put it say he was their voice.

To me he was Free Lebanese Thought. Scratch that, make it Free Thought period, for free thought can not be bound by geography. A school of thought based on deep-wide-long-fat knowledge, smart-logical-surgically precise analysis, and genetically gifted vision that can not be acquired or taught.

We have a void to fill, a void that can only be filled with a collective effort. So today we, each of us, must think a little harder, read a little bit more, make that read a lot more, dig a little deeper, look a little bit further.

Today we graduated. It is now time to work.

Another Siniora achievement

A dozen decades-young trees chopped down to make room for a few extra meters of luxury treeless housing in Beirut. (Brought to you by Fouad Siniora, the developer)

To Egypt....

I've been to Egypt twice. Each time I took notes so I could blog about
the trips but never got to it. Now I kinda have to do it...
My last trip to Cairo was just last October. To get there I had to go
through Rafiq Hariri airport in Beirut. Why should I start there?
Well, it's because of this idiot who was sitting behind me at airport
cafeteria. I was sipping an overpriced Almaza when I hear someone
loudly ordering Foie Gras. I was so tempted to turn around and see
what the biggest douche on earth looks like, but I opted to leave it
to my imagination. I didn't want to risk recognizing him and having to
talk to him over airport cafeteria foie gras. 90 seconds later, douche
yells at waitress, "What happened to the Foie Gras I ordered?" You
see, the people at the end of the bar didn't get to hear him the first
time around. Finally, there are many globally recognized ways of
asking for the bill. Most of them are silent and involve hand signals
that look like air signatures. In case of douche, it's a very loud
"Here's a $100 bill to pay for the Foie Gras I had." I never saw his
face, but I'm pretty sure he had a goatee.
During the revolution, Egyptian TV was accused of blatant propaganda.
It must have been the panic of the regime that led to that because
back in October the propaganda was a lot more subtle. As you board
Egypt Air and take a look at the flight map you'll find something
striking about Libyan-Egyptian border. You can easily see where one
country ends and the second starts because as we all know Egypt is a
vast expanse of Green while Libya is where the Sahara starts. I know
you've seen pictures of sand around the pyramids in Giza, well these
were taken before Mubarak's agricultural policies were implemented.
Today, the Sphinx sports a full head of green Hair.
There was someone sitting in my seat, but before I expressed myself
there were passengers within a 5 row radius telling the guy that he
should move over because he's in the wrong seat. This is a bit scary
because even before they enjoyed freedom of speech, an average
Egyptian would go through my average daily quota of words before
breakfast. So I can't fathom what things are like today.
The traveler's prayer, which apparently is common ritual on Arab
airlines, is supposed to put your mind at ease; but personally I'd
rather see the captain blow through a breathalyser. The flight was
sponsored by Talaat Mustapha, isn't he the corrupt father of that
convicted killer? Not very reassuring, but I arrived in Egypt. Spent 3
days. Loved every moment. The End.

To Bouazizi

3 Months ago I wrote this blurb about Fayrouz and Ziad's latest CD and the concept of Hope. I stated my preference for Hope that rises from hopelessness rather than the false hope that often dominates. Little did I know that a street vendor from Sidibouzid, a town I had never heard of in Tunisia, will personify  that Hope that I was imagining. I imagined it powerful, but never in my most hopeful dreams did I imagine this.

There's a long and tough road ahead, but I can now throw my cautiousness aside and say... Yes, there is Hope.

The more the leaks, the more it reeks

See I'm all for fair play and sportsmanship and all that crap, but hypothetically if I were to cheat to win a football game here' s how I would do it. First of all I would convince some idiots to sponsor my team with billions of dollars. See I need all the help I can get because I do not belong on a football field. My athletic abilities are more apt for Mahjong than they are for football, and even then I'd risking serious injuries. No worries, idiots with money abound around here. I would invest some money in the best damn equipment out there... Best cleats, the kind that add speed to the shot... Best Space age polymers Shin Guards... Best Circumcision friendly Cups... Best Rhinoplasty friendly nose guards... The works....

Then of course I would buy off the referees, and I don't mean just the referees of the match. I would buy off the whole profession. Why the heck not, I would have the money to do it.I would also sabotage the opponents' preparations. I would invite a mole colony to take refuge in their practice field. I would buy all the balls in the market so they are forced to play with straw stuffed hemp bags. 

But that doesn't guarantee a win... because I am that incompetent. 

I would google earth their practice formations, while paying off google to pixelate my practice field. I would also hire attractive sex workers to sap all their stamina the night before the game. I would pay off their team's cook to serve a potent laxative as a game day appetizer. 

I would still need to catch a lucky break... I would need the opponents' bitter goalkeeper hating his teammates' guts and volunteering to notify me which side will he be diving to in order to increase my chances of scoring.

In other words, I need to have all the advantages Israel had in its 2006 war against Lebanon, and I would still lose... because frankly my football skills are just as bad as Israel's military tactics.

An embarrassment to Propaganda

There's no denying that I am a fan of the art of Propaganda. This is probably why I feel that bad propaganda insults me on a personal level. Specially when you have all the available resources to produce kick-ass propaganda yet lay an egg.

Exhibit A is the constant dose of Franklin Lamb used by the Hezbollah propaganda machine to show that they have "western" backing. Way to cheapen a "holy" cause. With over 6 decades of history to prove the worthiness of your struggle, you settle for a kook.

Exhibit B is the Future Movement resorting to street banners to convey their message. With a multi-million dollar media empire which owns satellite television outlets, radios, newspapers, and magazines along with tens of hired pens disseminated throughout the international news making business; what could possibly prompt you to go such a primitive propaganda display? Maybe they feel threatened by the only other major player in the street banner arena, Kamal Shatila...



 

Daddy's Boy

It doesn't seem that there's a record of me writing about this lecture, but in my mind I was convinced I did. In any case... It was the first day of the World Cup this past summer, the world was still trying to figure out what that noise coming out from the TV was, and 3 million tourists were conspiring against Fadi Abboud by booking trips to Lebanon only to cancel in the very last minute.

Charbel Nahas, minister of missed calls, was giving a lecture at Al Madina theater about the Lebanese economy. I would say around 50 people were in attendance, but you can get a more accurate number from the state "intelligence" apparatus that sent this photographer who was there to capture a a mug shot for every single person in attendance.

Without naming anyone or throwing out any accusations a la libanaise, Nahas gave an intelligent comprehensive look at the Lebanese economy over the years: how enough cash inflow has kept it afloat, what happens when the lifeline dries up a bit, how the massive amounts of cash are consumed, etc... He also went on to talk about how things work in the cabinet, and how hard it is to get something on the agenda, and that the major thing he was hoping to accomplish in the budget war was to get all the expenditures accounted for on paper something you'd think is a given. Well it isn't. A lot of official spending of public money is done off the books, and we're not talking about all the unofficial spending.

During Q&A, I was tempted to ask about the average IQ in the room when the cabinet is in session, since I have my doubts that the comprehension capacity of some ministers including the prime one can handle economic theory. Unfortunately I didn't get my answer then as the microphone never reached me.

I did get my answer my yesterday when the Prime Minister broke into the "my daddy can kick your daddy's ass" rap against Nahas. The Hariri court chorus took over from there, and boy oh boy was I mistaken. Silly me expecting them to understand Economics, how about we start with playground rhetoric... Maybe throw in a few Yo Momma jokes. Eventually the kids will grow up. 

Don't Worry, be Crappy

I am not worried that we're on the eve of the long promised Armageddon-esque national unity cabinet meeting; it's probably over-hyped. I'm not worried about the speeding traps around our highways; au contraire I really hope they outlast the short lived red light cameras experiment. I'm not worried about the sweeping republican victory in the U.S. mid-term elections and what that might bring our way; it's not like change was sweeping Washington. I'm not worried about the alarming drought indicators and the whole water security issue that suddenly became fashionable this week; I probably won't live to see it. I'm not worried about a power vacuum, although I do need a vacuum cleaner for my apartment. 

I am not worried about Hassan Nasrallah's speech on Thursday, or about the three thousand counter speeches on Friday. I'm not worried that the Resistance is more worried about chauvinistic pride than it is about clear acts of spying. I'm not worried about the truth. This whole rhetoric is beyond passé. 

I am not worried about the rising gas prices since most of my commuting is on foot. I'm not worried about the rising price of bread because frankly I should cut down on carbs. 

I am not worried about the stockpiling of weapons, since I'm not naive to think that ever stops. I'm not worried about a certain $60 billion purchase of weapons, although I do wonder what will be the return on investment when it's sold as scrap metal.

There is this one thing though that has me a bit uneasy. The recent increase in security measures on May Ziadeh street in Clemenceau scare the crap out of me. If Walid Jumblat is worried, I worry.

Se le gazon total

I'm all for more green spaces in the city, even if the "sodwalk" is the way to do it...
I guess it's time to hang up the mocassins and dust off the long retired cleats.

Intolerant bigots, but honest

Age between 30 and 39 - Check
Lives in Beirut - Check
Lebanese - Check
Speaks English - Check
Driver's License - Check
Maronite - Damn it!! ... So close

Here's the listing on eWaseet.

Eih fi Amal

The Fayrouz CD is finally out, it's probably the final one in her long career. The title of the CD translates to "Yes, There is hope"... well that's not exactly accurate. The "Yes" used is Lebanese slang for "Yes" that could mean different things depending on the tone in which it's used.  So the Album title, depending on how you read it, could be a definitive and hopeful "Yep, There is Hope" or a cynically hopeless "Yeah, There's Hope". 

"Hope" is a recurring theme for Ziad Bin Fayrouz. "Hope" also featured prominently in the title of his last play many, many years ago. Of course it's always an ambiguous hope, but it's hope nonetheless. 

Personally, I'm not a big fan of the "Yep, There is hope" school. It's an interpretation that creates barriers for hope. My preference of hope is limitless; Hope that can only come from hopelessness. 

Beautiful, huh? Well, don't get your hopes up... because there is always hope.

The bottomless pit

This country is redefining my understanding of  what an abyss might look like. Just when you think that the political rhetoric on television, for example, has hit rock bottom, a new generation of pundits takes to the airwaves to drop the collective national IQ a notch lower. This national unity government can boast that they've doubled an already high road fatality rate. Suicide rates and abuse among enslaved domestic workers are alarming, but that's just a smear campaign by human rights groups according to former aspiring president Boutros Harb. "Heritage sites" are being preserved... in pictures. Beirut municipal stadium will finally reopen to the public... as a parking garage. After all, we've learned friendly parking disputes can be deadly.

The ruling "opposition" is happy with  the fact that their rivals/partners are led by an ideal foe, His Excellency Wiley E. Coyote. What they don't know is that they are sinking down to his level. Check that, they are at his level. Idiocy is contagious. The latest Wall Street Journal article on Beirut has Yasser Arafat hanging out at a pub that opened 2 decades after he was removed from Beirut. Why not have Jesus turning water into wine at Skybar while you're at it? The "guide" that was quoted in the article is none other than the son of former finance minister, Indiana Jones. I wonder if he's the person who tipped off his dad about that treasure in Rashaya. 

Not everything is in free fall though. Prices are up.  

A Bug's Life

Aesop's tale about the ant and the grasshopper is a short, simple fable about conflicting personalities. Long story short, or in this case short story even shorter, one of them mocks the other for a period of time and then ends up out in the cold. Moral of the story: natural selection favors long term planning over flavor of the day.

That doesn't make the ant a better insect or a role model. They can be really pesky sons of bugs, but they will always outlast the here today, gone tomorrow grasshopper.

I think this story would make good television, someone should think about adapting it to the screen.

Li Fairouz

avg. wait time: worth every minute of it

Censorship Schmucks

Steve Carell probably had his funniest role since "Little Miss Sunshine", but the Lebanese state had to interfere in the enjoyment of the film. There were a couple of scenes that were obscenely cut from the movie which opened yesterday in Beirut. It turns out that depicting Jesus and his apostles as a dead rodents for a small paying audience is a threat to national security. This at the same time that live rats continue to be streamed daily right into everyone's living room free of charge.

Speaking of censorship, Ayam Beirut Al Cinema'iya kicked off. It will feature the signing of "The One Man Village" DVD, which had 5 minutes chopped off by Lebanese authorities. It's merely a circumcision compared with other castration jobs by the authorities. I'm not sure how much of "Nahla" will be shown on Sunday as previously aired versions of the film had up to 45 minutes cut out by censors. Also censors removed 75 minutes out of  De Gaulle Eid's 75 minute long documentary,"What Happened?". Yet national security still eludes us..go figure.

Israel WAS here

28 years ago, it's eviction started...

Do you believe in magic?

Last week after the Burj Abi Haydar bash, it was reported that the warring allies found a man with 2 shoulders to cry on in Damascus.

Then yesterday, as reported in Al Akhbar, the same man met with a head of one of the local quasi-spy agencies and with a snap of a finger calmed the tense political scene. This story can be corroborated by the sudden change in the SMS dispatches and a certain interview in today's edition of Asharq Al-Awsat.

The man's a magician.

Real bloggers

It was always embarrassing to attend Arab bloggers' conferences as a "Lebanese" blogger. Everyone else had real battle scars. Until a recent hubbub by Michel Suleiman about the prestige of the "Lebanese" Presidency, authorities here had no ideas what blogs were. So we really had nothing to contribute to discussions of activists who really put their neck on the line facing Arab tyrants.
Ali Abdulemam, from Bahrain, is now 2 up on me.

Beirut: a Tree-free zone

Does anyone remember the carnival-like atmosphere post-Doha where political rivals took to the streets of Beirut hand in hand to remove flags and posters that belonged to the various warring factions? Beirut was then declared a politics-free zone. It still is pretty much just that, except for all the Amal movement flags and Nabih Berri posters that replaced all the other colors. But hey...that's the closest the city will ever get to being green.

Unpaid Ad

"Yen'ad Aleik" is a genuine, energetic and fun performance at Beirut's cutest stage. It's a zeitgeisty love story about loving the little things and leaving little things.

Ramadan spirit has other venues charging $30 bucks for you to hear washed up Electrolux Air Conditioners roar over attempts at music; meanwhile, for $10 bucks you can watch Yara Abou Haidar and Wahid Al Ajami sweat their butts off on stage. I mean that literally, so avoid the front rows because you will get splashed. Plus the show is in 3D and you don't have to pay extra or wear those silly heavy glasses.