On the 25th of this year...

This memory is supposed to be joyful... Land and people liberated from brutal Israeli occupation is definitely worth remembering as it is no small feat, specially as it is an unfinished job... A step towards the end of an apartheid state that has plagued the region for decades.
What changed this year is that the question of the chicken or the egg arose. Along with the Israel came a crop of dictators that piggy-backed on the Palestinian cause into iron fist rule. Historically, the priority seemed to always be Israel first then the dictators. Today, there's no reason not to think that they can't go hand in hand. Check that, they can only go hand in hand. With that said; May 25, 2000 and February 11, 2011 go hand in hand. These dates while significant and worthy of celebrating are nothing but steps along the way towards complete liberation.
It's still a long road ahead, and for many reasons it's hard to be joyful today...
However, it's a happy memory and should continue to be so and not allowed to be hijacked by opportunists and conspiracy theorists.

Happy resistance and liberation.... and freedom day.

Labor Unions are big business

Last week, the elections of Lebanon's Order of Engineers took place. You know the people with that black and yellow, black and yellow, black and yellow sticker on their car. It was pretty clear why the Hariri's future movement would invest a lot of resources in making sure this labor union answers to them. After all, Hariri is one of the biggest investors in the real estate sector in Lebanon and naturally he might need some favorable regulations to carry the Order's signature. What best way to guarantee that signature than making sure a party loyalist is the one who controls the ink well.

It turns out the Future campaign was one 737 load short and Michel Aoun's candidate won. Aoun celebrated very enthusiastically and I couldn't understand why. It couldn't have been just the political victory over a fast decaying movement, the General was too happy for this particular feat.... and then as I strolled down the alleyways of Beirut I found the answer....

Move over Solidere, there's a new real estate tycoon in town.
...and Yes, I just wanted an excuse to post this picture.

There is a chance....

Lloyd: Hit me with it! Just give it to me straight! I came a long way just to see you, Mary. The least you can do is level with me. What are my chances? Mary: Not good. Lloyd: You mean, not good like one out of a hundred? Mary: I'd say more like one out of a million. [pause] Lloyd: So you're telling me there's a chance... *YEAH!* 

That's of course from the Farrelly brothers' classic "Dumb and Dumber" (1994) which most of the participants in the Anti-sectarianism movement have never heard of because they were either too young and too unborn when this film came out. That's a good thing they have going for them. In a political era dominated by Dumb and Dumber discourse, youth naivety and enthusiasm not only have a chance but would be a great upgrade over the existing decayed state.

Mistakes abound and the potential for failure and a devastating long lasting trauma for a whole new generation of anti-sectarian rebels exists. That said, I fully endorse the movement and think they truly have a chance for the following reasons:

It's the only march in March that marches. While March 8's and March 14's crowds stand still, the Anti-sectarian movement actually moves. Not only does it move beyond the one plot of stolen land in Beirut... it actually sacrilegiously goes to other towns.

They don't listen. With no podiums or speeches to tell the crowds what can and cannot be done, imagination dictates the course.

They're not on TV. Sectarian TV stations are ignoring them which for one means they feel threatened by the images, or at least by the taboo words being chanted. More importantly, it means rebels won't waste time watching themselves on TV and worrying about how they look and which camera angle would make them look bloated.

They're not on TV. That means they have to actively look for the news rather than passively being fed the news inter-venously. Nothing against hospital bed ridden masses, I do feel bad for them but they are missing out on a lot.

They are copycats. Lebanese originality has led to huge debt, huger ego, part time electricity, a freelancing work force, and full time war. Being second best to the Egyptians isn't exactly something to be ashamed of.

The regime is already down. Thankfully, sectarian forces already doomed the regime and most probably the whole experiment called Lebanon. It is just a matter of time, but it would be nice to see the last nail in the coffin coming from the anti-sectarian crowd for the sake of what's next.

Sanayeh live

Modest start, but who knows... more the topic in the upcoming days...

A revolution for each taste

People in media are quick to draw parallels between things that are happening at any given time. You see, most of the time they are strapped for time and want to simplify their work by copy-pasting stories together. The reality though is that Arab dictators aren't a product of a cookie cutter. They're more like pop corn.

So let's look at them country by country.

Tunisia: Laila Traboulsi was a hair-dyer turned tyrant who knew how to divert attention away from her by letting an old man take the fall for her. She couldn't fool the Tunisian people though who shipped her along with her husband to the worst place a fashion-obsessed woman can go to. How did they do it? Protests started in a fringe town and snowballed into a mass movement that is well on its way to create a new Tunisia. Their chances of finishing the job are excellent considering that the counter-revolution is led by none other than Dear Jeff of March 14 fame.

Egypt: Hosny Mubarak still does not know he's been deposed. Some blame it on age, others blame his son and top advisor Gamal. The ongoing Egyptian revolution was really not fair, because the revolutionaries lived on earth in the year 2011, while the regime is stuck in some black hole circa 1960.

Libya: The protests were scheduled for February 17th. Muammar Gaddafi's regime fell on the 16th. The clown is still running a bloody circus from his tent bunker, but he won't last long.

Yemen: Ali Abdullah Saleh was going to be the first to fall a year ago, but the leaders of the free world kept him up with their F-16s. He's Next.

Bahrain: When the Prince of Bahrain reached a dead end in his career and saw no prospects of promotion, he renamed the country the Kingdom of Bahrain so he could be king. Now the people want to demote him to a figurehead.

Jordan: King Twat and Queen Tweet are the darlings of the glamor, biker, and Trekkie magazines. Their demise has a hint of irony in it which I'm always a fan of. You see the king's dad gave up the kingdom's water for "peace", the kings wife paraded truckloads of water in areas the kings (current and dead) had neglected. Not wise. So here's where you get to pick the headline for the downfall, will it be "Drowning in the Desert" or "Sinking in the Dead sea"?

Syria: Bashar Al Assad crushed a coup attempt a couple of years ago proving his worth among the regions dictators, and thus his regime is still on high alert; but squashing Abdel Halim Khaddam and friends is not the same as oppressing a whole population. One thing is for sure though, when the Syrian people decide to move, it won't be to bring in Khaddam or any other March 14th figure.

Oman: Qaboos has been around for a while, yet the movement in Oman surprised most people including myself, so I can't claim I know what's going on there. I don't even know who would be a good source on Bahrain, but I'm pretty sure Thomas Friedman isn't the one.

Algeria: Bouteflika panicked at first, but it seems his regime, which isn't really his, has more control than he does. He might be thrown to the wolves if there's an escalation. 

Iraq: George W Bush and Ali Khamenei still reign in post-Saddam Iraq. That won't be the case for long as Iraqi voices which have been Shocked and Awed into silence started to emerge one shoe-throw at a time.

That Kingdom in the Arabian Peninsula: I'll turn superstitious here and not say a word in order not to jinx it, but the Milky Way would be grateful if the people there get rid of the most despicable ruling clan on the planet.

Sudan: Omar Al Bashir got a free pass from the unquestionable International Justice system  by selling the resource-rich southern part of the country. The only problem for Al Bashir is that he struck the deal in 2010. It's 2011 now, the rules of ruling have been slightly modified.

Iran: Ali Khamenei hides behind god and Mahmoud Ahmedinejad. An imaginary friend won't save him and neither will a speed bump; however, the fact that he's the only pure dictator in the region, as opposed to the dictators who happen to also be dictatees to foreign intelligence agencies, means that he has slightly more sticking power.  Not too much more though.

Wisconsin: Some are crediting the Wisconsin workers' movement to the Arab uprising. Others are mocking this notion.  While Wisconsin workers deserve full credit for their fight for their earned rights, it should be natural that Arab people are the inspiration for rights' fights. After all, they recognize the erosion of rights better than anyone after years of painful experiences fighting the same forces who now have their eyes set on Wisconsin's workers' benefits.

Friends or Foes?

I'm still having a hard time that anyone close to Hariri would sign off on this billboard design. The way I see it; surrounding a dead man's picture with flames and an "Allahu Akbar" isn't exactly an expression of love. Then again, maybe it's just me. Who else would associate flames with hell and the "Allahu Akbar"chant with divine justice?

One thing is obvious. Elie Khoury and Saatchi don't do business in Saida.

Joseph Smaha, 4 years later

(This tribute was originally published on this blog on February 26th, 2007.)

Today We Must Think a Little Harder

Life Goes On, but it must not go on dumber, less informed, mentally poorer. We were privileged to have our collective minds enriched on a daily basis by a ten minute read each morning that encapsuled decades of knowledge, a philosophical library, and a strategic eye that saw beyond all horizons. No single pen can replace these lines. We, each of us, must make up a little of this loss on our own.

Who are we and us? The commies raced to claim an old comrade. The Arab nationalists have anointed him above Abdel Nasser. Muslims, Christians, Secular, and Infidels as Ziad put it say he was their voice.

To me he was Free Lebanese Thought. Scratch that, make it Free Thought period, for free thought can not be bound by geography. A school of thought based on deep-wide-long-fat knowledge, smart-logical-surgically precise analysis, and genetically gifted vision that can not be acquired or taught.

We have a void to fill, a void that can only be filled with a collective effort. So today we, each of us, must think a little harder, read a little bit more, make that read a lot more, dig a little deeper, look a little bit further.

Today we graduated. It is now time to work.

Another Siniora achievement

A dozen decades-young trees chopped down to make room for a few extra meters of luxury treeless housing in Beirut. (Brought to you by Fouad Siniora, the developer)

To Egypt....

I've been to Egypt twice. Each time I took notes so I could blog about
the trips but never got to it. Now I kinda have to do it...
My last trip to Cairo was just last October. To get there I had to go
through Rafiq Hariri airport in Beirut. Why should I start there?
Well, it's because of this idiot who was sitting behind me at airport
cafeteria. I was sipping an overpriced Almaza when I hear someone
loudly ordering Foie Gras. I was so tempted to turn around and see
what the biggest douche on earth looks like, but I opted to leave it
to my imagination. I didn't want to risk recognizing him and having to
talk to him over airport cafeteria foie gras. 90 seconds later, douche
yells at waitress, "What happened to the Foie Gras I ordered?" You
see, the people at the end of the bar didn't get to hear him the first
time around. Finally, there are many globally recognized ways of
asking for the bill. Most of them are silent and involve hand signals
that look like air signatures. In case of douche, it's a very loud
"Here's a $100 bill to pay for the Foie Gras I had." I never saw his
face, but I'm pretty sure he had a goatee.
During the revolution, Egyptian TV was accused of blatant propaganda.
It must have been the panic of the regime that led to that because
back in October the propaganda was a lot more subtle. As you board
Egypt Air and take a look at the flight map you'll find something
striking about Libyan-Egyptian border. You can easily see where one
country ends and the second starts because as we all know Egypt is a
vast expanse of Green while Libya is where the Sahara starts. I know
you've seen pictures of sand around the pyramids in Giza, well these
were taken before Mubarak's agricultural policies were implemented.
Today, the Sphinx sports a full head of green Hair.
There was someone sitting in my seat, but before I expressed myself
there were passengers within a 5 row radius telling the guy that he
should move over because he's in the wrong seat. This is a bit scary
because even before they enjoyed freedom of speech, an average
Egyptian would go through my average daily quota of words before
breakfast. So I can't fathom what things are like today.
The traveler's prayer, which apparently is common ritual on Arab
airlines, is supposed to put your mind at ease; but personally I'd
rather see the captain blow through a breathalyser. The flight was
sponsored by Talaat Mustapha, isn't he the corrupt father of that
convicted killer? Not very reassuring, but I arrived in Egypt. Spent 3
days. Loved every moment. The End.

To Bouazizi

3 Months ago I wrote this blurb about Fayrouz and Ziad's latest CD and the concept of Hope. I stated my preference for Hope that rises from hopelessness rather than the false hope that often dominates. Little did I know that a street vendor from Sidibouzid, a town I had never heard of in Tunisia, will personify  that Hope that I was imagining. I imagined it powerful, but never in my most hopeful dreams did I imagine this.

There's a long and tough road ahead, but I can now throw my cautiousness aside and say... Yes, there is Hope.

The more the leaks, the more it reeks

See I'm all for fair play and sportsmanship and all that crap, but hypothetically if I were to cheat to win a football game here' s how I would do it. First of all I would convince some idiots to sponsor my team with billions of dollars. See I need all the help I can get because I do not belong on a football field. My athletic abilities are more apt for Mahjong than they are for football, and even then I'd risking serious injuries. No worries, idiots with money abound around here. I would invest some money in the best damn equipment out there... Best cleats, the kind that add speed to the shot... Best Space age polymers Shin Guards... Best Circumcision friendly Cups... Best Rhinoplasty friendly nose guards... The works....

Then of course I would buy off the referees, and I don't mean just the referees of the match. I would buy off the whole profession. Why the heck not, I would have the money to do it.I would also sabotage the opponents' preparations. I would invite a mole colony to take refuge in their practice field. I would buy all the balls in the market so they are forced to play with straw stuffed hemp bags. 

But that doesn't guarantee a win... because I am that incompetent. 

I would google earth their practice formations, while paying off google to pixelate my practice field. I would also hire attractive sex workers to sap all their stamina the night before the game. I would pay off their team's cook to serve a potent laxative as a game day appetizer. 

I would still need to catch a lucky break... I would need the opponents' bitter goalkeeper hating his teammates' guts and volunteering to notify me which side will he be diving to in order to increase my chances of scoring.

In other words, I need to have all the advantages Israel had in its 2006 war against Lebanon, and I would still lose... because frankly my football skills are just as bad as Israel's military tactics.

An embarrassment to Propaganda

There's no denying that I am a fan of the art of Propaganda. This is probably why I feel that bad propaganda insults me on a personal level. Specially when you have all the available resources to produce kick-ass propaganda yet lay an egg.

Exhibit A is the constant dose of Franklin Lamb used by the Hezbollah propaganda machine to show that they have "western" backing. Way to cheapen a "holy" cause. With over 6 decades of history to prove the worthiness of your struggle, you settle for a kook.

Exhibit B is the Future Movement resorting to street banners to convey their message. With a multi-million dollar media empire which owns satellite television outlets, radios, newspapers, and magazines along with tens of hired pens disseminated throughout the international news making business; what could possibly prompt you to go such a primitive propaganda display? Maybe they feel threatened by the only other major player in the street banner arena, Kamal Shatila...



 

Daddy's Boy

It doesn't seem that there's a record of me writing about this lecture, but in my mind I was convinced I did. In any case... It was the first day of the World Cup this past summer, the world was still trying to figure out what that noise coming out from the TV was, and 3 million tourists were conspiring against Fadi Abboud by booking trips to Lebanon only to cancel in the very last minute.

Charbel Nahas, minister of missed calls, was giving a lecture at Al Madina theater about the Lebanese economy. I would say around 50 people were in attendance, but you can get a more accurate number from the state "intelligence" apparatus that sent this photographer who was there to capture a a mug shot for every single person in attendance.

Without naming anyone or throwing out any accusations a la libanaise, Nahas gave an intelligent comprehensive look at the Lebanese economy over the years: how enough cash inflow has kept it afloat, what happens when the lifeline dries up a bit, how the massive amounts of cash are consumed, etc... He also went on to talk about how things work in the cabinet, and how hard it is to get something on the agenda, and that the major thing he was hoping to accomplish in the budget war was to get all the expenditures accounted for on paper something you'd think is a given. Well it isn't. A lot of official spending of public money is done off the books, and we're not talking about all the unofficial spending.

During Q&A, I was tempted to ask about the average IQ in the room when the cabinet is in session, since I have my doubts that the comprehension capacity of some ministers including the prime one can handle economic theory. Unfortunately I didn't get my answer then as the microphone never reached me.

I did get my answer my yesterday when the Prime Minister broke into the "my daddy can kick your daddy's ass" rap against Nahas. The Hariri court chorus took over from there, and boy oh boy was I mistaken. Silly me expecting them to understand Economics, how about we start with playground rhetoric... Maybe throw in a few Yo Momma jokes. Eventually the kids will grow up. 

Don't Worry, be Crappy

I am not worried that we're on the eve of the long promised Armageddon-esque national unity cabinet meeting; it's probably over-hyped. I'm not worried about the speeding traps around our highways; au contraire I really hope they outlast the short lived red light cameras experiment. I'm not worried about the sweeping republican victory in the U.S. mid-term elections and what that might bring our way; it's not like change was sweeping Washington. I'm not worried about the alarming drought indicators and the whole water security issue that suddenly became fashionable this week; I probably won't live to see it. I'm not worried about a power vacuum, although I do need a vacuum cleaner for my apartment. 

I am not worried about Hassan Nasrallah's speech on Thursday, or about the three thousand counter speeches on Friday. I'm not worried that the Resistance is more worried about chauvinistic pride than it is about clear acts of spying. I'm not worried about the truth. This whole rhetoric is beyond passé. 

I am not worried about the rising gas prices since most of my commuting is on foot. I'm not worried about the rising price of bread because frankly I should cut down on carbs. 

I am not worried about the stockpiling of weapons, since I'm not naive to think that ever stops. I'm not worried about a certain $60 billion purchase of weapons, although I do wonder what will be the return on investment when it's sold as scrap metal.

There is this one thing though that has me a bit uneasy. The recent increase in security measures on May Ziadeh street in Clemenceau scare the crap out of me. If Walid Jumblat is worried, I worry.

Se le gazon total

I'm all for more green spaces in the city, even if the "sodwalk" is the way to do it...
I guess it's time to hang up the mocassins and dust off the long retired cleats.

Intolerant bigots, but honest

Age between 30 and 39 - Check
Lives in Beirut - Check
Lebanese - Check
Speaks English - Check
Driver's License - Check
Maronite - Damn it!! ... So close

Here's the listing on eWaseet.

Eih fi Amal

The Fayrouz CD is finally out, it's probably the final one in her long career. The title of the CD translates to "Yes, There is hope"... well that's not exactly accurate. The "Yes" used is Lebanese slang for "Yes" that could mean different things depending on the tone in which it's used.  So the Album title, depending on how you read it, could be a definitive and hopeful "Yep, There is Hope" or a cynically hopeless "Yeah, There's Hope". 

"Hope" is a recurring theme for Ziad Bin Fayrouz. "Hope" also featured prominently in the title of his last play many, many years ago. Of course it's always an ambiguous hope, but it's hope nonetheless. 

Personally, I'm not a big fan of the "Yep, There is hope" school. It's an interpretation that creates barriers for hope. My preference of hope is limitless; Hope that can only come from hopelessness. 

Beautiful, huh? Well, don't get your hopes up... because there is always hope.

The bottomless pit

This country is redefining my understanding of  what an abyss might look like. Just when you think that the political rhetoric on television, for example, has hit rock bottom, a new generation of pundits takes to the airwaves to drop the collective national IQ a notch lower. This national unity government can boast that they've doubled an already high road fatality rate. Suicide rates and abuse among enslaved domestic workers are alarming, but that's just a smear campaign by human rights groups according to former aspiring president Boutros Harb. "Heritage sites" are being preserved... in pictures. Beirut municipal stadium will finally reopen to the public... as a parking garage. After all, we've learned friendly parking disputes can be deadly.

The ruling "opposition" is happy with  the fact that their rivals/partners are led by an ideal foe, His Excellency Wiley E. Coyote. What they don't know is that they are sinking down to his level. Check that, they are at his level. Idiocy is contagious. The latest Wall Street Journal article on Beirut has Yasser Arafat hanging out at a pub that opened 2 decades after he was removed from Beirut. Why not have Jesus turning water into wine at Skybar while you're at it? The "guide" that was quoted in the article is none other than the son of former finance minister, Indiana Jones. I wonder if he's the person who tipped off his dad about that treasure in Rashaya. 

Not everything is in free fall though. Prices are up.  

A Bug's Life

Aesop's tale about the ant and the grasshopper is a short, simple fable about conflicting personalities. Long story short, or in this case short story even shorter, one of them mocks the other for a period of time and then ends up out in the cold. Moral of the story: natural selection favors long term planning over flavor of the day.

That doesn't make the ant a better insect or a role model. They can be really pesky sons of bugs, but they will always outlast the here today, gone tomorrow grasshopper.

I think this story would make good television, someone should think about adapting it to the screen.

Li Fairouz

avg. wait time: worth every minute of it