Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Out your "Salon" Talk

We all know that in Lebanon everyone talks about everybody else. The topic could be about clothing, wedding parties, but passions run especially high when it comes to sectarian politics. This phenomenon is better known as "7aki Salonet." It involves anything from sectarian jokes to below the belt insults. These gatherings always work on the pretext that every single thing "our sect" does is right, and everything the "others" do is wrong. Of course the Sect could even be a sub-sect or a "3ashire" but the concept doesn't change.

In an effort to encourage intercommunity communications; to make people to open up to each other; to express their fears and their freudian complexes. I will open up this forum, and for one time only, to open sectarian bashing.

So at the risk of igniting a civil war, what is being said in the "Salons" that you frequent? Yes I know that no one in your family is like that, they all are a tolerant bunch, but what have you overheard your neighbors say?

Bring it all out: the jokes, the conspiracy theories, the Holier than Thou talk, the dirty laundry, etc... Fear nothing for God and internet anonymity are on your side.

Note: Please stick to topic, any unrelated comment will be deleted.

20 comments:

laila said...

alla roum :P

AbdulKarim said...

Hol il shi3a baddon ya3emlou hilal shi3i!!! Ba3den shou? hol libneniyye walla iraniyye?

So guess what is my sect ;-)

Anonymous said...

lech el eslem bi oulo te3eh w te3iteh w zanzou2a?

Kodder said...

can I include my comments of what the atheist "sect" says?.
anyway delete it if you think its off topic.

"waja3 rass bi waja3 rass, biday3o wa2ton 3al fadeh, el 7ayet assireh ta ma titmatta3 fiya wo titba3 kam anoon toli3 wa7ad fiyon min kam alf sinneh, la ikhir shee tonbi3iss wo ma yitla3 fee wala janneh wala narr.".

hillz said...

ليك هوي الموضوع وسخ فبدنا نزفِّر بالحكي:

السنة عن الشيعة:

- قتلو الحسين وضلن يبكو عليه
- ليش بيتك متل بيت المتاولة؟
- ليش المتاولة بجيبو ولاد كتير؟ لأنو بيشترو كبابيتن من البالي.
- حَوَش
- ليك شو مجويين
- بكون الصبي قاعد يأمر إخواته البنات وما حدن بقلو شي.
- شفتن كيف عم يلطمو؟ تخلف
- لك آكلين البيضة وتقشيرتها . نهبو الدولة وقال شو، محرومين
- سيدنا عمر غصبن عنن
- نهبو الدنيي كلا من ورا مجلس الجنوب. مصاريي الأوتوسترادات كلا بجيابن
- بتنزل عالميدل إيست بتلاقي أمل. بتروح ع أوجيرو بتلاقي أمل. ولك ما تركولنا محل

شيعة عن سنة:
- متل الخواريف ماشيين ورا الحريري
- ما ملاقى الحريري أقصر من هيك؟ إنو قبل بهاء عيتاني وهلأ وليد عيدو.
- زيز الحصايد فتفت
- (زي ما هيي. كـُلا كـُلا (بسخرية
- حئيئة حـِريي وِحدة وتنية

مسلمين عن مسيحيين:
- كل ما دق الكوز بالجرة هلأ ني. شو يعني هلأ ني؟
- بس ليك الواحد بقول الحق، شايف
أنضف من مناطقهن؟ (عقدة دونية
- لك طب يتعلمو يحكو عربي. دون مستواهن يعني؟
- شفتو كيف بقول القاف كاف والطاء تاء ؟
- يا عليك شو نعنوع
- شفت بيبو الجميل ونينو الجميل ؟
- يقبرني ربا ستريدا جعجع بس لو تنتف حواجبها.
- ولك ع شو بسموه حكيم وهوي ما تخرج؟
- حِريي سيادة استئلال

(ملاحظة: تخضع الملاحظات السابقة لملاحظات سعد الحريري وحسن نصر الله فيختفي بعضها بحسب التحالفات)

عن الدروز:
- عن وزارة المهجرين: ليه بسمو فروج؟ يسموه قروج ويقرطوه كلو. قوانص، قلب، قرقة
- شايفن إنتا كيف كلن عندن رينو بيضاء قيمة مكركعة؟
- يا قرد

المسيحيين عن المسلمين:
- شوف شو مجويين.
- جهل مستشري
- كـُلا كـُلا زي ما هيي
- عملن الحريري شحادين أكتر ما هني شحادين
- ركبو ضهر البلد، ما خلولنا شي
- هيدول الإسلام...

(ملاحظة: تخضع الملاحظات السابقة لملاحظات 14 آذار و عون فيختفي بعضها بحسب التحالفات)

?خي .. ارتحت.

Anonymous said...

during the war: "ana ma3 isarael akeed!" - made me want to cry

ofcourse - we all know how Sanyoura is collaborating with America to kick the shi3a out. Oh what the hell... all the March 14 are zionists/American collaborators.

"mnee7 sar fee harb, heik el shi3a a3ado bil madairis sar azka shway"

That's all i can think of for now. And I dont want to get too depressed.

I also recommend the comment section of beirutspring.blogspot.com, in response to Mustapha's entry on the rally in Harissa. Highly entertaining maronite crossfire. Make sure you get the pop-corn ready.

PS dont try to guess my sect from my comment.

Laila said...

Add to title: "For Lebanese only!"
Regarding all the comments in Arabic there is no place left for non-Arabs in this post. Am I wrong?

Laila from IRAN

Anonymous said...

Screw all the sects in Lebanon. I lost respect to all of them, including my own, Mormon. I just want to be a average citizen living in a healthy and civilized society where people don't give a rats a$$ about my religion, and only take me for who I am as a person. Imagine religon was like the person's eye color. Do you wana kill him/her just because they were born with brown eyes? What about the chiq that wears colored contacts?... Do you give a shit?
Try it just for one day... but don't stare too hard into their eyes...
Peace out mofos :)

Kodder said...

anonymous wanna join my crazy sect? :P
I invented it, its full of alcohol and umm stuff :P...
only 1 rule applies in it: treat people as would you like them to treat you.
aka: have a lot of sex with them :P.

Moni said...

Masi7iye about islem:
1-ya 3ali hajje pyjama:
pi=> pi
ja=> ja
ma=> ma
pyjama => bajema

2- walla sar 3andon manati2 7ilwe, chifto verdun?
3- ni7na mana 3arab, ni7na fini2iye

Islem 3an masi7eye:
-alla y5ale 7ariri yalle 3atana chwayit imtiyezet
-mit3asbin wbadon libnen la ilon
-mist3erin yi7ko 3arabe

sine 3an chi3a:
-mitl el3'anam wara la nasrallah
-mit3asbin
-badon ya3mlo 7okom irani

chi3a 3an sine:
-mitl el3'anam wara 7ariri
-lawma el7ariri maken elansar ribi7 wala dawri
-mabyitla3 min amron chi wa2t eljad


I have been out of lebanon 5 years now, and I can distance myself of all these ready made ideas, and I know we are all driven by primitive self preservation fears, and our politicians did nothing since the end of war to encourage inter-sects dialogue. at least we have internet :)

cheers to all

PS: Let's start a new thread, guessing each other's sect :)

AbdulKarim said...

I think the winner is Hilal...

inmotion said...

dude - this is an interesting way to start a debate

Umm - I have heard it all from everyone and I've kept my mouth shut in public. Voiced it on my blog.

The one thing that did bother me was the logic that the killing of some was ok for a bigger goal.

and if they weren't ok with that then this was completly stupid and unnecessary.

I seriously love reading your blog!

linalone said...

"Treat people as would you like them to treat you", That's the only rule I follow in life:P

EDB said...

My pleasure. And since I'm not Lebanese, many people have taken it upon themselves to "educate" me on the shortcomings of other sects (or their own):

Christians on Shia (during July war, actually): "The Shia don't care if their children die because they can just have more." and "Shia women all carry guns underneath their chadors".
Sunnis on Shia: "The Shia have no respect for privacy. They just leave their front door open. Anyone can walk in. They are filthy, too."
Christians on Palestinians: "The Palestinians are the source of all our problems. They want to destroy Lebanon."
Christians on Muslims: "Savages. They only understand the language of force.
Shia on Sunni Beirutis: "Sunni Beiruti shopkeepers are the worst. They always try to rip you off."
and "Wannabe Christians".
Palestinians on Palestinians: "The Palestinians always wait until the Lebanese think they are unified and everything is going well. And then they say 'don't forget about us' and lob a missile at Israel".
Me (agnostic) on the Druze: "You Druze, you lose".

Anonymous said...

So this guy goes to the priest to confess his sins.
Guy: Father, I can't take it anymore. I am way too arrogant. I look at people around me and I despise them, I ridicule them. I can't take it anymore...Please help me.
Father: Well, son. You know that this is totally against christianity. Jesus taught us to love one another, care for one another...and especially us maronites, we have a special missi...
Guy: But...Father, I'm orthodox(i.e.: roum)...
Father: Roum? eh 3a chou cheyiif 7alak?

jij said...

Top 5:

5. Eh he's a sunni, bass edameh
4. Shou biddak, our villages are much nicer and cleaner than theirs. You think it's a coincidence?
3. I can immediately recognize a Christian because they are all bala haybeh.
2. Shias have a lot of children because they have a plan to take over the country in twenty years.
3. I would never marry a Muslim. What if he goes out one day and marries three other women? He's allowed to do that you know.

Some of those were said by girls I once dated. It didn't work out between us.

sam said...

I've heard this from Christians:
- You can talk, because you're Christian and if you decide to convert to Islam no one will put a gun to your head and threaten to kill you, but it doesn't work the other way round.
- Did you know that if a Muslim girl sleeps with her boyfriend before marriage, her family forces them to get married, and in case the boy is not muslim, they force him to convert.

You can hear that same ridiculous talk from non-Christians. I once had a conversation with a 50-year-old (I didn't ask him about his religion -- he brought it up later himself) who comes from a village on the border with Syria. He was talking about how women are treated and how he's against the beating of girls by their brothers/fathers/husbands. He then said "ofcourse, if your sister is a sharmouta you can kill her" and when he saw that I didn't quite agree he said, "excuse me, but you're a Christian right? You people are too lenient".

Mo said...

Overheard
in TJ while geting a haircut :
كيف بتوقف مع ناس بيسبوا الصحابة

هيدول العجم (الفرس...الايراني) بدهن يحتلوا البلد

in da7yeh while visiting ground zero :
مش معقول شو مقلعطين, ليش مخلين المجرور فالت

misc :
نحنا بحياتنا ما كنا طائفية , هني بلشوا

شو اسمو السنكري؟ .... من جماعتنا يعني

well that should be an overview.

oh wait i almost forgot this one :

بتزيد نسبة الأمية بالبلد

jooj said...

- leik feehon islem, ntibih!
- leik, feehon masee7iyyi, ntibih

Angry Anarchist said...

Some stuff I regularly hear:

-They ("the Muslims") go to the airport with their families to pass the time (!!!)
-They ("the Muslims") come here and picnic and leave the trash all around the place and then go to "their areas".
-Ever wonder why there are so many hijabis lately? They are going around and paying Muslim women to wear the hijab. (*rolls eyes*)
-If you marry a Muslim you know what will happen??! First he will pretend he's secular and everything, then he will force you to wear the veil and so on...

My jaw drops every time I hear those.