Friday, September 29, 2006

The King is Naked

I will not get involved in the petty internal political bickering. What a boring bunch of clowns with nothing to offer. Same cast for the last 20 years+ repeating the same lines, ... those are the days of our lives. I'm sure no one pays attention to them anymore.

We're in Ramadan which means Kellaj season for me. Kellaj is basically a mixture of fat and sugar that's then deeply fried and deeply sweetened. Yummy. For others, however, it's "ask Jamal why isn't he fasting" month. While it's a clearly intrusive and inapropriate question, you have to be careful how to answer it because your answer might offend some Jesus freaks, Mohammad freaks, whatever, they would be offended in way that would make the 1400 years fight over the Caliphate look like a piece of Kellaj. They really want you to go to heaven. It's for your own good.

It's day 7 or 6, depending on which of the Earth's moons you follow, which means I can't use the "I got my period" excuse much longer. Of course, I should've gone with I am Christian, that excuse would've lasted me at least a month, but too late for that now. There's also the Aoun or Geagea deal; I might miss one of the hand signals which would open a whole other can of worms. So it's back to the drawing board...

I do have my first Iftar of the month this evening. Those things I do take part in. Come 6:30 pm or 8:00 pm, again depending on which of the Earth's suns you watch set, everyone around the table would have developed an animal predator approach to dining which makes me feel normal for once.

So if I pick up the tab tonight, do you think I'll get dressed with the Sultan's Garb?


Mustapha said...

May I suggest you try Tripoli's Kellage instead of Beirut's fatty one. Our Kellage is NOT deep fried and so raw it looks like sushi. It is in fact so delicious it's worth fasting for.

Of course, in Tripoli we have a special relationship with sweets, giving them names like Baydaat-el-mala2iké (balls of angels) a.k.a Ward el sham, or khiryet el dibbé (the feces of the bear) a.k.a Nammoura.

Of course me being from Tripoli, I once even wrote a tribute to Halawet el Jibin. As I said. We take our sweets seriously.

hillz said...

have fun jamal in the iftar ;)
is it in diyar sa3ed? :P

inmotion said...

what is kellej?

Charles Malik said...


I've got the same problem with you. I'm accosted regularly to announce my religion. Saying that "I'm not religious" never assuages their desire.


Man, Beiruti kellaj is amazing. If you're right, and your kellaj is even better (and I can regularly get my hands on it), I'll be even fatter at the end of this month than I usually am at the end of the Ramadan eat-a-thon. Everyone gains weight during Ramadan.

How could one not gain weight with all the incredible Ramadan menus?

Jamal said...

mus- Well i've always been a huge fan of Tripolitan sweets, and i'm gonna take your word here and head north before the end of ramadan just to try your kellaj variety.

hilal- halla2 honik fi sa3d w fi the sa3ds, w la77e2 la 2illak.

babyK- Kellaj is a Ramadanian sweet treat, i don't know how to describe it better than i did, but i'll try to post a picture for you when i get a chance.

charles- i'm up 1.5 kilos in the first week, not a good sign.

bodhisattva said...

How to Not Gain Weight in Ramadan, (for the non strict who-happen-to-be muslim people)

-Drink Plenty of Water
-Dont eat BIG MEALS
-Break it down, eat 5 Meals and somewhat small to moderate i.e: moderate plate size every time (Not More) 5 Plates ONE meal, big NO.
-Eat your sweets in the morning-afternoon only
-Avoid carbs after 5pm
-Don't eat after 7pm
-Sleep solidly and relatively early (11pm-12am) for 7-8 hours

and if you got here by now, you might've guessed it, it's gonna be hard to Fast and Not gain weight

Jamal, goodluck and tell me how you fare the second week,

Charles Dude, just tell ppl you're buddhist! they won't be able to take it into a lebanese context so they brush you off :)


Kodder said...

When people ask me what is my religion, specially if I just met them,my answer would be always: Satanist(in a really rude voice).
because to be asked what is my religion by someone I just met, is very rude and it shows what kinda person they are.
and frankly I try to avoid seeing that person again, I don't need a person to classify me according to my sect or what ever.Satanist always do it.

Anonymous said...

Try the: "3indi 3izir shar3i" excuse. It works (most of the time), but then it comes with sympathy and salamtak and is it ulcers you have and all that stuff... but it is (sometimes) better than explaining and dissecting fasts... then there is the "2ussa tawili" excuse...

Laila said...

Hello to everybody over there!

1- I hope this different views on whose sweets are better won't end to a bitter sectarian fight. :))

2- A couple of years ago at this time I was in Lebanon. I 'met' kellaj cooked and served freshly in a sweet shop located by an expressway. They dipped kellajes into a bulky pot filled with boiling oil. Just watching it gave me a feeling of gaining weight.
We have a very similar sweet here called Zulbia- Bamia cooked and served just in Ramadan.

3- Before Iranian revolution the people fasted here to close to God.These days, many fast to close to fashion standards. Is it the same in Lebanon?

4- Telling the people that you are not religious is soooooooo rare here. We have a bitter memory in minds; many have been executed in this country becasue of this very label; being 'kafir'.

Laila from IRAN

What is "Occupation" said...

Now that Israel has completed the removal of it's troops from Lebanon thus once again being in approval of the UN will Lebanon return the kidnapped israeli soldiers?

will lebanon stop the resupply of rockets from syria or iran?

will hezbollah renounce being a state within lebanon?

or is this all bullshit?

IF hezbollah starts cross border raids (like the one yesterday to steal weapons) will israel return to lebanon again and really bomb this time?

think of it... most of beirut not a bomb, the water supply, the electric grid all untouched...

If hezbollah attacks again I would not want to live anywhere in lebanon...

the question i ask all you "peace loving" lebonese, does peace include Israel on the southern border? if not what kind of country will you have WHEN iran/syria/hezbollah uses your land as a battlefield..

Dr Victorino de la Vega said...

Ooops I'm kind of 4 days late...

This is just to say Qell 3âm Wanta bi Alf Khayr: may Allah and Zeus bless your hilarious blogs for another year and more!

linalone said...

Reje3lak yalli ma biyensek ya Jamal. What is Occupation, bi kel 3eres elo 2eres. Me too, I do not fast but no body knows about it, ma badde waja3 rass.

Kodder said...

linalone... now everybody knows :P

linalone said...

I meant by No Body, the family and friends who may try to dissuade me or to argue with me about the matter:P

What is "Occupation" said...

Now it gets like alice in wonderland...

Fouad Siniora accuses israel of not "completely" following 1701, and yet will not disarm hezbollah, nor will he return the 2 kidnapped israelis.

so i the "ceasefire" that hezbollah, iran, lebanon and the arab world BEGGED for is worthless....

Hmm... i bet real estate values in beirut are plummeting down...

Did you know that concrete can be recycled?

Amazing. Was the kidnapping of 2 israelis and murder or 3 more really worth this historic victory?