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المشهد - صباح يوم ممطر في شارع الحمراء

سيدة مقعدة في كرسي متحرك: النويري؟

سائق السرفيس: تاكسي...

السيدة المقعدة: لا ليش تاكسي... سرفيس... بس عالنويري...

السائق: شو بدّك إيّاني إنزل وشيل وعتــّلـّك هالكرسي ببلاش...

السيدة: الله يسامحك....

More (or less) than a cool ass name

Ok, I'll revive this blog for a shameless plug.

Shankaboot is out.

It is being billed as the first Arabic Web Drama. Although, personally I would've taken a different marketing approach. Being first gives you a carte blanche to claim all the superlatives so why stop at First?

It's the Best damn Arabic Web drama out there.

It's the most watched Arabic Web Drama out on the world wide web.

It's the smartest, funniest, most action packed Arabic web drama in the cyber world.

Of course this works both ways, as it is also the absolute worst Arabic Web Drama on the market today.

Before I go any further, there needs to be a disclaimer here. I worked on this project as I was one of the writers on the team that developed the original script. So I might be a little biased for this masterful work of modern visual storytelling.

But, then again I was fired off the project so I might actually hold a grudge against the producers of this trashy piece of junkaboot.

Clearly, my conflicting emotions prevent me from providing an objective review. So, check it out and judge for yourselves.

Here's the First Episode...

A Beautiful Man

Rupert Murdoch is a beautiful man in Assafir.

Again since the link is broken , I'll go ahead and post the unedited article.

"رجلٌ جميلٌ"

جمال غصن

"للأسف، أعتقد أنه من المستحيل أن تسيطر على كل الإعلام. بالطبع، إلاّ إذا كنت روبرت موردوك . إنّه رجل جميل." الكلمات هذه لشخصية كرتونية في "السمبسونز" تتّصف بالعوارض النفسية التي تعرف مجتمعة بالثالوث القاتم وهي النرجسية والمكيافيلية والسيكوباتية أو الإضطراب العقلي. هكذا يتحسر السيد بيرنز اللذي يمقته جميع أهالي سبرينغفيلد لجشعه الذي لا يرحم على أنه لم ولن يصل إلى مستوى موردوك ويحسده على قدرته الاحتكارية في سوق الإعلام. طبعاً يسجّل هنا لموردوك أن هذا الكلام الساخر يبثّ على شبكة فوكس وهي احدى الشبكات المملوكة من مجموعة نيوزكورب التي يرأسها ويملك حصة الأسد فيها موردوك نفسه. فتقبُّل القليل من النقد من برنامج أثبت نجاحه الشعبي والأهم من ذلك نجاحه المادي على مدى عقدين من الزمن لا يتنافى قطعاً مع الإيديولوجية اليمينية المتطرفة التي تروج لها فوكس نيوز، أشهر قنوات موردوك الإخبارية. يجدر الذكر أن إسم موردوك اسكتلندي الأصل وأن لفظ موردوخ بالخاء بدلا من الكاف يعود إلى جذور الكلمة النورسية، غير أن طريقة التهجئة العربية للإسم لا يخلو في بعض الأحيان من قدرٍ من الخباثة، إذ أنه يراد الإيحاء بأن لموردوك خلفية عرقية مختلفة عن ما هي وكأن عرق الرجل يزيد أو ينتقص من جماله.

إختار موردوك دخول السوق العربية للتلفزة من باب الإستثمار بما هو موجود على الأرض أو بالأحرى في الفضاء، واستغل الأزمة المالية العالمية التي أثرت على السيولة النقدية لأمير روتانا لينقذ الشركة في محنتها بضخ مبلغ يعطيه فيها حصة الخُمس والأرضية الجاهزة لإطلاق مشاريع مشتركة تجلب الثعلب إلى بيوت العرب. ويبدو للوهلة الأولى أن التزاوج بين الشريكين الجديدين أمر طبيعي جدّاً بل يُستغرب كيف لم تتم الشراكة من قبل إذ ان كل رجل منهما أجمل من الآخر وفقاً لمعيار "مستر بيرنز" للجمال.

تطرح الشراكة بين العملاقين الإعلاميين تساؤلات حول تأثير العلاقة الجديدة على العمليات القائمة وما قد تنجبه من بدع صورية على شاشات عوّدت المشاهدين على ثقافة البدعة. وما هي ارتدادات هذا الحدث على السوق المحلية وبالأخص على المؤسسة اللبنانية للإرسال التي تربطها علاقة مالية بهذه الصفقة. فال"ال بي سي" لا تزال تتربّع على عرش التلفزة اللبنانية رغم الخضات التي حصلت لها في السنوات القليلة الماضية. فقد تداركت الإدارة الإنحدار السريع في الحقبة الجعجعية التي مرّت بها المحطة في أيام الثورة لتحافظ على نوعية مهنية وتنوعية غائبة إلى حد كبير في القنوات المنافسة. هناك تحفظات كثيرة على أداء ال"ال بي سي" لكن عندما تكون المنافسة هي عبارة عن أبواق حزبية غير مستترة يصبح إستسخاف المشاهدين نعمة مقارنة بإستغبائهم، فتبقى الجرعات المفرطة من شربل خليل أسهل هضماّ من "الفتّيحة" البرتقالية على سبيل المثال. تشكل حال السوق هذه أرضية خصبة لثقافة نيوزكورب ومن المتوقع أن تزيد المسافة بين ال"ال بي سي" ومطارديها إذا ما طبقت بعد المعايير الفوكسية التي غالبا ما تتكل على إبهار المشاهد بأحدث تقنيات الصورة. فالصورة الجميلة تضفي مصداقية هوليوودية للمضمون، وعندما تغيب المنافسة تختفي الحاجة أصلاً إلى مضمون. هنا يكمن جمال الإحتكار وهكذا يصبح روبرت موردوك حقّاً "رجلٌ جميلٌ".

On MurrTV كلّو mexicain

A couple of weeks ago Lebanese MTV aired a candid camera show on which yours truly was a victim of a silly prank. I was told that I looked very grumpy which probably was the case, not because I don't have a sense of humor about pranks, I'm just intolerant of unfunny. So I decided to take a look at this Murr TV thing and it didn't take long for me to find something to get back at them.... my commentary in Assafir today.

Since Assafir doesn't keep links active this is the actual text...

تشكّل بنما وكوستاريكا ونيكاراغوا وهوندوراس والسلفادور وغواتيمالا وبيليز ما يعرف بأمريكا الوسطى، وهو برزخ جغرافي يفصل بين الأميركيتين الشمالية والجنوبية. تأوي البلاد السبعة المذكورة ما يزيد عن الأربعين مليون نسمة يتكلمون لغات عديدة أبرزها الاسبانية والإنكليزية والكريولية ولغات منحدرة من حضارة المايا. كما توفر بيئة البرزخ الاستوائية ظروفاً مثالية للتنوع البيولوجي إذ تحتضن غابات وبحيرات أمريكا الوسطى الممتدة على مساحة نصف مليون كيلومتر مربع، سبعة في المئة من التنوع النباتي والحيواني في العالم.يحدّ أمريكا الوسطى من الشمال المكسيك ومن الجنوب كولومبيا، وتبلغ المسافة الفاصلة بين هذين البلدين حوالي ثلاثة آلاف كيلومتر، أي ما يقارب المسافة الممتدة بين النقّاش والشانزليزيه. تأوي منطقة النقاش استوديوهات تلفزيون "أم تي في" الذي عاد إلى الفضاء العربي منذ حوالى سبعة أشهر، ويحاول أن يتخطّى ما يعتبره كثيرون فضيحة الصرف الجماعي لموظفيها، عبر إطلاق باقة خريفية من البرامج تثبت من خلالها ثقل شاشتها على الساحة اللبنانية بشكل عام والمتنية بشكل خاص.

اختارت القناة مسلسل "غرام وانتقام" لملء كوتا المسلسلات المدبلجة في شبكة برامجها، وبثّت حلقته الأولى مساء الإثنين الفائت. الملفت في إعلان المسلسل هو أن "أم تي في" تغري مشاهديها وتعدهم "بمشاهد خلابة من المكسيك" حيث تجري أحداث "غرام وانتقام" وفقاً للإعلان.

بهذه الكلمات يصبح "غرام وانتقام" "مكسيكي" بالقوة، رغم أن المسلسل الذي يحمل عنوان "Pasion de Gavilanes" (ومعناها الحرفي "شغف الصقور") دبلجة عربية لمسلسل من إنتاج كولومبي ومصور في كولومبيا مع ممثلين بمعظمهم كولومبيين وناطق في نسخته الأصلية بلهجة كولومبية بارزة. لكن بفضل إعلان "أم تي في" تختفي مسافة الثلاثة آلاف كيلومتر التي تفصل المكسيك عن كولومبيا والنقّاش عن الشانزيليزيه؛ تُختزل شعوب وحضارات وتغرق أميركا الوسطى وبلادها السبعة في محيط من الجهل اللغوي والجغرافي.

هي ليست المرة الأولى التي تعرّف فيها محطات لبنانية عن مسلسلات برازيلية أو كولومبية بأنها "مكسيكية"، وهذه المرة حطت الموضة عند "أم تي في" التي "تتباهى" باعتمادها "اللغة اللبنانية" التي هي عبارة عن عربية بلكنة مشرقية مطعّمة بمزيج "حضاري" من الفرنسية الباريسية والإنكليزية الهوليوودية. ورغم إصرار القناة على إبراز قدراتها بالتقرّب لغوياً من الغرب، فقد فاتتها نقطتين مهمتين: الأولى هي أن الإسبانية أو "المكسيكية" هي اللغة الأكثر انتشاراً في الغرب، ومع ذلك يبقى هناك مفهوماً واحداً لدى القناة للتماهي مع الغرب (أي هذا المزيج فرنسي الانكليزي)، وثانياً أن للّغة علاقة بديهية وتاريخية بالجغرافيا، بعكس المفهوم الاقصائي الذي تعتمده القناة (وكولومبيا كانت الضحية هذه المرة).

Hajj Ponzi does the Cabinet

Elie Beik Skaff is gone.....but he will not be missed.

Elie Beik's shoes are hard to fill, but when Saad Hariri and Hassan Nasrallah work hand in hand everything is possible. Ok...Ok, we're talking about Elie Beik here, so the effort wasn't just a national one. Replacing Elie Beik Skaff required the regional rapprochement between Syria and Saudi Arabia with the Nobel Peace prize winner giving the green light.

All the stars lined up right to bring Hussein Hajj Hassan into the Ministry of Agriculture to replace the legend of Elie Beik Skaff.

Yes...the same Hussein Hajj Hassan who handed his money to Salah Ezzedine for the promise of a 40% return on his investment.

I don't know about you but I'm going down tomorrow morning to the ministry of agriculture to sell them my magic coins that grow into money trees...

Synchronized Movements

The Hariris never liked Michel Aoun, and the feeling is pretty much mutual.

Back in Hariri the First days, the "Syrians" made sure the exiled General stayed as far away as possible from the grand reconstruction plan. Hariri the Second does not have the benefit if the "Syrians"...yet. So he has had to deal directly with Aoun. He's had to sit and hear the General's demands, but to date he has never listened to any of them except for one which we'll get to later.

Michel Aoun on the other hand is vocal about the role he wants to play in the next National Unity government. Too vocal, in fact, if you consider that it's really falling on deaf ears. Then again if you look at the menial demands of this once "revolutionary" Change and Reform man, you have to beg him to stop.

The permanent caretaker government loves the status quo of operating aimlessly. Sure all governments in the history of this state do that, but this one actually has carte blanche to do so. They don't even have to pretend to meet. No decisions have to be taken.

But just when you think you've got everything figured out, something happens that defies all logic. Aoun's wish becomes Hariri's command and the Government jumps into action like it has never jumped before.

Naher El Bared can work miracles. It's destruction turned Michel Suleiman into a Lebanese national hero and catapulted him into the Presidency. Now it's reconstruction is bringing together opposite forces that have never met.

See the issue started when some ruins were discovered at the site of the refugee camp that was destroyed by the Lebanese Army in 2007. All of a sudden the long neglected piece of real estate became indispensable for the economy, security, and national unity. Michel Aoun rushed to the State Shura Council which issued a non-binding freeze on the reconstruction project which was already very slow to take off in the first place. Meanwhile approximately 40,000 residents enter their 3rd winter without a home. The Hariris which were already running out of excuses to stall jumped at the opportunity and bound the unbinding resolution. Not only do they get to stop the reconstruction, they also get to blame their arch-rival for it. It was too easy. And there's where we stand today.

Meanwhile Aoun's concern for historic ruins fades when he meets Saad Hariri. See Saad Hariri lives in what Saatchi and Saatchi dubbed Beit El Wasat or the Middle House. Cute.. a humble little abode.. like the song says.. Our house in the middle of our street. Of course, a more apt name would be Bilaat Solidere, or Solidere's Royal Court. Just to remind the General, Hariri's Solidere Royal Court and its surrounding neighborhood was built over not only ancient ruins, but also properties of living people...Some who were killed when their own roof was brought down on them because they were impeding "reconstruction."

It's been two and a half years since the homes of Naher El Bared were destroyed. Two and a half years of promises of reconstruction but nothing else.. Not only does no one on the Lebanese political scene care (no one includes Hezbollah and other Resistance factions); they actually unite over not caring.

For more Info visit My House is in El Bared.

تعتب عمين؟

بيكفي لف ودوران وتضييع ساعات وإيام

رح يضلو يقولو تكلف سعد وقعد سعد وقام

غير ما يروح عالشام ، ما في حكومة وئام

فشرّف صوب الجماعة، تيسقوك كاسة جلاب

Ramadan Drama

Following Ramadan TV dramas requires too much commitment. You have to reserve a certain hour of your evening for that specific purpose and you can't take any days off not even weekends until the end of the month. IF that's not feasible you have to look elsewhere for your Drama fix. The justice page in Al-Akhbar has been catering to those deprived of TV Ramadan dramas. Take the saga of Abboudi Al Ammouri for example.

Yesterday his father, Fayez Al-Ammouri, went to report this 12 year old kid from Mekseh, Zahleh missing. So the police are on it, ad we hope they find this this missing child. You don't have to wait long to discover the fate of Abboudi.

If you scroll down to the 5h news item on the SAME page of Al-Akhbar there is a report that an ocean rescue unit was called to the Qab Elias lake, just next to Mekseh, to retrieve a body after it was CONFIRMED that Abdul Hay Fayez Al Ammouri, aged 12, has drowned there.

Tragic ending to this fast developing story; too tragic to make fun of an editing gaff in a newspaper. Except there is a twist to the story. Today, one day later, in Al-Akhbar you read this. The father, Fayez Al Ammouri, retracts the missing child report filed earlier as someone found the dead child, age 12, alive and lost in the groves of Qab Elias. "Sources" tell Al-Akhbar that the kid is in good mental and physical health and that he probably ran away because he was scolded by his parents.

Happy ending as a dead child resuscitates and reunites with family. Except that anyone familiar with Qab Elias cannot possibly buy the "lost" story. You cannot get geographically flatter than this Bekaa valley village, with reference points such as eastern and western mountain ranges clearly visible from any point in town. So there's surely another twist in this story awaiting on page 11 of tomorrow's Al-Akhbar.

Hajj Ponzi: Special Victims Unit

One of the biggest civilian financial heists in the glorious history of Lebanon remains off the media and political radar except for a couple of blurbs in some papers praising the virtues of Salah Ezzeddine, the pious crook. That might have something to do with the fact that the powers behind the media outlets are themselves products of much larger Ponzi schemes albeit officially sanctioned and democratically endorsed ones. Another reason is that this specific scam targeted a specific geographic and sectarian segment of Lebanese society, so the other segments don't feel that this issue concerns them. But make no mistake about it, if you factor in that Salah Ezzeddine was in Tyre and not in NYC, the Hajj's $1 billion loot trumps Bernie Madoff's $30 billion in its impact.

I want to focus on a town that was hit hard by Ezzeddine, you have to give it to this guy for good scouting. Speculation has the border village of Yaroun south of Bint Jbeil as the number one loser in this ordeal with 160,000,000 in solid assets..... no, liquid cash.... no, what is the vapor form of the US dollar? The thing about Yaroun is that even though it is infested with tens of million dollar mansions, its population outside of summer is under 160, the biggest business investments in it are a gas station and a falafel shack. In the pre-war years its people lived off the land, tobacco farming more specifically, today they live on and off foreign lands...and we're not talking about Dubai here, the closest choice of a settling point for Yarounis is 10 time zones away. So what to expect of a group of people who have $160,000,000 disposable cash for shady investments yet have not invested in say a school, even though $160 million dollar are enough to create job opportunities in productive sectors for a few thousand people and put much of the youth in the whole kazaa of Bint Jbeil to work.... at home. Off course, to be fair this behavior is not unique to the people of this village although it is strongly marked there.

Sure you might say the Lebanese government never encouraged the development of these remote areas, and even when they did the liberated areas in the South never saw any of the cash earmarked in the yearly budget for the Council of the South which was used by the Amal Movement as its private fund. But now we are venturing into official scams and I don't want to do that now, because today is all about private initiative.

Salah Ezzeddine had it, the people of Yaroun will never do.

Hajj Ponzi

A major Ponzi scheme of Madoffesque proportions has come to light in Lebanon. The twist here is that the crook, "Hajj" Salah Ezzeddine, took cover under Hezbollah's popularity in South Lebanon and made off with $1.2 billion according to As-Safir.

The man behind the 12 year old scheme also ran a publishing house that specialized in "resistance books" and a Hajj tour organizing agency. His PR events for Dar El Hadi always had a list of invitees that included HA ministers and MPs which was then used by Ezzeddine to build his image of a pious trustworthy investor who is close to "the party" and made good on 40% returns on investments in "Iranian Steel"... and quite steal it was.

As with every scheme of this sort, hundreds of people have lost al their life savings and are extremely angry, some at Hezbollah itself. It is still a developing story as Ezzeddine is in custody of Said Mirza who in an unrelated note came under an intense attack from Jamil El Sayyed yesterday.. Meanwhile the Finance minister is missing in all of this scandal but in his defense he is digging for a way out of Lebanon's financial dilemma.

Who will carry the torch of Elie Beik?

Ok, I can't burry my head in the Berdawni any longer. I have to admit that I might have been wrong when I said previously that the elections did not matter. My stuttering voice in parliament Elie Beik Skaff lost and I have to come to terms with that. Albeit Elie Beik will continue tirelessly to caretake the national agriculture while his replacement continues to be a figment of a constantly absent mind. Kudos to Elie Beik.

But as the cliche goes, all good things come to an end. I have to overcome the pain and start looking elsewhere for someone to shoulder my legislative concerns, someone to take it on the chin for me, someone who will speak for me until he grows hair on his tongue which apparently is a real medical condition and not just a Lebanese saying. Hairy.. shoulders...talking...chin.....hmmm... but of course how could I miss him ...His excellency Mr. Bear Arabia, Elie Marouni. Who makes a better mentor than someone who was patient enough to teach a bunch of 10 year olds, including my 10 year old self, the right way to speak the mother tongue. But I don't know why I just don't see him filling the shoes of Elie Beik. Maybe I'm just an ungrateful student, the nerd in me is probably not over the 13/20 grades because "no one deserves higher than that in Arabic composition", or I might still hold a grudge over the time he hit me with a yardstick. Do they still hit students in schools here?

Anyways, moving on to other candidates, we have Oqab Saqr.

Ok next, there is Ziad Qadri. Ok he's not exactly from my electoral district, but close enough. There is someone who is my age, we grew up in the same place, we ran in the same circles, so naturally we should have similar concerns and that makes for an excellent representative. The problem is that he's been awfully quiet. That's actually not a terrible thing given that generally the campaign ran by the rival camps was pure sectarian drivel and lacked any real issues. So maybe Qadri was waiting for the right moment to speak so his words can make an impact.

He finally spoke yesterday. Enough was enough, something had to be said. The mockery of the people cannot continue. Leaders have to step up and put things in their right places. He condemned how some are "unfairly picking on the Saudi role in Lebanon, and accusing the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia of obstructing the formation of the cabinet." He added an expression that basically says "honey will always attract bees."

I knew he was the one...move over Elie Beik... finally someone who will defend the Saudis for me.

The night Israel will never overcome...

Avigdor Lieberman, racist extraordinaire, can yap all he wants about destroying Lebanon and exterminating Arabs, as he and his war criminal buddies in the Apartheid state of Israel poorly attempt to repaint history in a more favorable hue.

Three years ago the Israeli air force went on a killing spree which they tried to mask as a military operation. But as the dust settled and investigations concluded it became clear that while Israel earned a lot of civilian blood spillage cred; militarily they earned themselves an unsurmountable lead atop the greatest gaffes in the history of men in uniform.

So to understand why Israel's top brass is overly macho with their threats these days, we shall recount the events of a night that the State of Israel will Never overcome...

On the evening of August 1st, 2006 champagne was being chilled at the Israeli military intelligence headquarters. As we'll discover later the use of the term intelligence will prove to be very lose. Excitement was hard to hide as the sun sunk over the Mediterranean because in the third week of the war the hard work and the billions of dollars spent were going to prove well spent. Ground battles were still raging near the border fence in the outskirts of Maroun El Ras and in the Khiam Valley a couple of kilometers deep into Lebanese territories. That didn't discourage one of the globes best equipped militaries from shoot for the sun or at least the city of Sun a couple of hundred kilometers beyond what was proving to be the unpenetrable land borders.

An Ultra-elite commando unit consisting of tens of ultra-elite super zohans disguised as Lebanese military were dropped off somewhere in a scarcely populated of Lebanon western mountain range. Everything was going according the plan concocted by the ultra-brilliant minds of Sayeret Matkal and Shaldag. With the tops down and enjoying the midsummer night breeze they approached the town of Jammaliyah, Baalbeck. Here the ultra-brilliance of the operation starts to come to light for this town is known to be a red town and not particularly a yellow stronghold on the Lebanese political color scheme. Historically, Hezbollah's security apparatus has earned the reputation of being very tight while sticking to "safe" and familiar territory; so for the Israelis to discover that Hezbollah would actually go against their modus operandi to throw off the Israelis is nothing short of miraculous intelligence gathering. The job that hundreds of bunker busting bombs missed was nearly complete as they knocked down the door and nabbed 5 senior targets including the biggest of them all, Hassan Nasrallah. Game, Set, Match...the war is won...

One story says that a Palestinian accent gave the elite commandoes away. It was probably the Lebanese military that figured out the impostors in Jamaliyyah. In any case the Israelis will surely come out of this snag as air cover was on its way to save the day. Gun battles raged between Lebanese resistance fighters and the fumbling Matkals and Shaldags. After the first round of air raids it was clear that the take off will not be without a heavy price. Battles raged all night in this small Bekaa valley town with non-stop air raids by the most advance murder technology. Civilians without any formal military training grabbed whatever they could get there hands and joined in the fight. Of those were comrade Awad Jamal Eddine, his son Hassan, and nephew Maxim who came out to defend their village. Primitive hunting rifles engaged the ultra-elite killing pros or what was left of them until the early morning hours. 19 villagers including 4 children where killed. Israeli war propaganda insists that its military was unscathed in battle, but an unusual number of soldiers died in that period from a pretzel choking epidemic.

Whatever the price Israel paid on that night must have been worth it as Hassan Nasrallah was on an Apache headed back to the Apartheid state where he will be humiliatingly paraded as Israel's ultimate war trophy.

It took 3 weeks for Israel to absorb the shock, admit the mistake, and release Hassan Nasrallah, a grocer from the outskirts of Baalbeck.

It took 3 years for Israel to absorb the shock, admit the hate, and unleash Avigdor Lieberman, a bigot from what is today Moldova.

From the soup nazi's old cabinet...

Eastern Mediterranean national unity consommé

(Serving size starves a country)

One lard-load of lard

Two Dozen clamshells

One whole token chick

One full dose of nepotism

Two sticks of saffron

Two tablespoons of date paste

A tinge of mastic

A squeeze of A1 steak sauce

Topped off with a swath of goatee

Wrap ingredients with exclusive newspaper cabinet roster scoops and drop in lard. Boil slowly over jet fuel. Serve when told so.

From Lebanon 2009

Stray Bullet

To get lost in Beirut is not a difficult task. The streets do not fall on any numerical or logical grid o roads and avenues that can be easily tracked. As a matter of fact street names are often an issue of subjective interpretation for your Leon Street could be Emile Edde to me and Layyoon with a thick Beiruti accent for a third person who doesn't usually sport a thick Beiruti accent. Of course there is always the infallible landmark based positioning system except that neighborhood landmarks are often invisible to visitors. Have you seen Modca cafe recently? Well, it still is very much a reference point.  Mind you here we are talking about arguably a fully developed species of humans that struggles with orientation, so it would be totally understandable if an unintelligent lifeless form of matter such as the steel that commonly makes up a bullet goes astray during the very limited time it gets to get acquainted with the city between the pull of the trigger and ripping through a bystander. 

Still stray bullets take a lot more blame than they deserve. Not all of them kill, some just maim, others just crash land in the Baba Ghannouj at the outdoor restaurants which are crowded with the record breaking  3 million tourists. Here I do not mean to insinuate that the shooters of bullets might be at fault. They never are; not in this quasi-anarchy we run over here.  What I'm trying to say is that better urban planning wouldn't hurt. 

Stray bullets are another tradition from this great nation, and frankly progress and development should incorporate tradition rather than defy it. 

Les Priorités

Three ministers took time off from their busy tourist  season schedule, after all one of these ministers promised the Lebanese 3 million visitors this summer, to address an issue that has thousands of citizens enraged n this country. The cancellation of  a French comedian's performances in Beiteddine has ruffled some elite feathers, as it should for where will this country be without the freedom of artistic expression. 

So what exactly happened, let's see. The dude was coming, so many people were enthused they added a second and then a third show... no problems there. General Security gave the OK even though it often prevents local acts from taking the stage, Visas are not an issue... Fine, then a TV reporter questions the dude's allegiances and thinks he's in bed with the Izzies.. Controversy, that's always good for business, free promotion... Dude cancels his trip.... Over 6000 activists join e-campaign against terrorisme intelectuel... 

I have to admire this stand against censorship although I'm having a hard time locating it. General Security is known to prevent shows or cut scenes from movies but that wasn't the case here and there were no threats made to the performer or the festivals. It was the  dude who cancelled his visit. On the Lebanese side, all that happened was that a reporter did not like the dude's alleged background...If the report is inaccurate then refute it but the reporter had no authority to and did not cancel the show... yet the ministers of Tourism, Press, and Culture felt that this reporter harmed Lebanon's image abroad. What will people say?!?!

Meanwhile Zeina Miri, 30 year old mother of 5, gets shot on her balcony. No facebook groups, no ministers holding hands at press conferences, and more importantly no fear for Lebanon's image. 

معضلة الخرا/ الخرى

أطلّ زياد الرحباني بعد طول غياب على الصفحة الأولى من جريدة الأخبار بمقالة عن خرا الكلاب الأرسطقراطية. و لزياد الكثير من المقلّدين على مدى مسيرته المهنية الموسيقية و النقدية. لكن غالبا ما يكون مستوى المستَزِِْيدين هابط إذ أن محاولة استنساخ اسلوب من دون أن يتمتع المستنسخ بما يطور به أو يزيد قيمة الاسلوب الاصلي ما هو إلاّ نموذج بسيط عن الرجعيّة في الفن. زياد نفسه اشتهر بتطوير أعمال غيره ببضع الكلمات أو النوتات. بالعودة إلى الموضوع الأساس، لم يمرّ ثلاث أيام على سابقة الرحباني الصحفية حتّى زايدعليه شارل أيوب المشهور بقصر صبره على عكس أيوب الأسطورة. نعت أيوب و بخط عريض على الصفحة الأولى من جريدته الديارأحد الإعلاميين بالخرى. لا تزعجني الكلمة أو استعمالها على صفحات الصحف، فأنا ضد تنقيح الواقع في الاعلام و يصعب وصف الحقيقة القذرة دون اللجوء الى كلمات بنفس الوساخة. ولم يزعجني استعمال أيوب للنعت في العنوان لأن ما تلى العنوان من كلام عنصري بذيء يجعلنا نتوق إلى الخرى كونه حتما خطوة إلى الأمام.

لكن ما استوقفني في المقالتين هو التهجية المختلفة للكلمة . أتُكتب بالألف الطويلة أم بألف مقصورة؟ تعدد الأراء من متطلبات الديمقراطية لكن لايجوز الخلاف على هجاء الهجاء، فالخرا خرى إن كان من طيز كلب أو من فم لبناني.

In defense of pigs

Schweins are getting  a bad rap.  They are double victims here. Talk about lose-lose: they either die of disease or they get slaughtered into salchichas. 

The fact that a hundred humans have died in Mexico means the world needs to urgently gather some Tylenol Flu and send it over. But stop smearing pigs. What's even worse is some religious kooks in this region, muslims and jews, gloating about being right all along about pigs. Where was this prophecy when the flu was avian?

"/"

As tempting as it is to delve into the campaign platforms with which the political palette plans to undertake the next parliamentary, I will continue to pass on the subject. No economic policy, talk, job creation, rights, services... I will stick with my earlier assertion that these upcoming elections will have a negligible effect on the political fate of this country.

Also as much fun as it would be to rate the performance of the incumbents, and whether they we need their talents around for 4 more years, I will pass. I will not review the voting record of Elie Beik Skaff on vital legislations, even though he is the only member of parliament I can name from my electoral district. Ok, I lied, there's that tall very Zahlawi-sounding Aoun dude. Well, I'm sure they deserve to be re-elected. Sure, they elected an unconstitutional president, and gave away my vote of confidence to two Siniora led cabinets. On second thought, I don't think they gave Siniora's first run a confidence vote, but they must have been so impressed with that cabinet's performance that they corrected their mistake in round 2. It doesn't matter anyways.

Now if you live in Beirut or in Metn, please do participate. Sorry, I lied again, make that if you vote in Beirut or in Metn. Not because it matters, but because you must make sure that Mohammad Amin Itani and Camille Khoury get re-elected. There is absolutely no way their public service so far warrants a lifetime retirement salary for them and their dependents. So we should make them earn these benefits by at least having them going through the motions for a full term.

I never finished reading Saramago's Seeing. I think I will. Now that was an interesting election process.

6 degrees of Myopia

1. Hezbollah is allied with the Free Patriotic Movement

2. FPM counts Gebran Bassil as a senior member

3. Gebran Bassil is the minister of telecom in Lebanon's schizophrenic national unity government

4. The ministry of telecom awarded a mobile network operation contract to Egyptian Orascom

5. Orascom is majority owned by Naguib Sawiris

6. Naguib Sawiris, through Orascom, is the biggest investor from an Arab country in Israel

P.S. This deal was signed by the "pro-resistance axis" during the Israeli massacres in Gaza.


UPDATE (Feb 15th Orascom Statement: ORASCOM goes with the "we did, but no longer do" defense. While Sawiris opts for "I had a Palestinian friend once" argument.)

Return of the Savages-day 3

Israel continues to bomb blindly further proving that having the latest murder technology is not enough to cover for military incompetence. A university campus, mosques, and a TV station were the latest targets. Palestinians will continue to learn, pray, and that station continues to broadcast. So the Israeli armed gangs continue to reap death and destruction, but zero military gains. The longer Palestinians in Gaza hold on and they will persevere, the more the incompetence of Israeli military is exposed. 

There is no question Israel under the wise leadership of Olmert, Livni and Barak will come out of this round having lost on many fronts. Militarily it can only kill indiscriminately Its insatiable blood thirst is being beamed live into homes around the globe further exposing its barbaric nature. Meanwhile politically, they risk losing historic gains they've made with their Arab allies. No doubt Israel's cooperation with the two Abdallahs, Hashem and Saud, will continue in a not so covert manner. However, the longer these massacres continue the more trouble the Arab dictators will have in openly push naturalization efforts. In 2006, we saw how Mubarak, the Sauds, and the Hashems panicked after Israel failed to finish off Hezbollah. They scurried with their damage control efforts by trying to outbid others in the process of erasing the traces of the crime they took part in.  No doubt they will do the same in Gaza. 

As  for Israel's Palestinian collaborators, the war on Gaza should be the end of an already frail Abou Mazen. The charade called Annapolis has reached an unceremonious end, and the Israelis will have trouble finding another Palestinian "peace partner", willing to risk as much as Abbas. 

The number of deaths has reached 310 in 48 hours...1400 injured...