Personal Loss

He's someone I stayed up til 2 am every night just so I can be first to read what he had to say.

Rest in Peace Joseph...

You can't spell "Tante min el Achrafiyeh" without TNT in el Achrafiyeh

My friend in the garbage business tells me that we recycle 6% of our garbage, that includes all of our political class. That means we have a 94% margin of improvement since Zero waste is possible with today's technology. Not only is it possible, it is doable at a much lower cost than we pay Sukleen (whose owners shall remain anonymous) to basically just relocate Beirut's garbage to abandoned villages.

Speaking of garbage diposal, every couple of days someone decides to quit an old vice and dispose of his supply of TNT in the nearest dumpster. Now that's a commendable act but it is causing a bit of panic in the neighborhood. Shouldn't we encourage these repentant souls by providing them with safe ways to get rid of their hazardous material? Is TNT recyclable? I'm sure we can we turn it into biodegradable toilet paper, or wassabi, or something. We can equip recycling bins with voting booth style curtains to protect the anonymity of recyclers, that way you can't tell if they're dumping Paper, Glass, or good old TNT.

Action must be taken, we are sitting on thousands of tons, metric and nautical, of this stuff; if you doubt that go look under the layer of soil in that plant pot hanging off your balcony. We might as well put it to good use. It might be enough to wipe out the national debt, or the whole city, or something.

Fill in the Blanks

الزعيم 1: رح بقّ البحصة
الزعيم 2: بقها بقى للبحصة
المواطن: أكلناها.......

الزعيم 2: أنا عندي 10 بحصات
الزعيم 1: فتاح كسارة
المواطن: أكلناها.......


للأجوبة الصحيحة إقلب الشاشة

Vanity

Only in the streets of Beirut do Cats strut their stuff and pose shamelessly for the camera lense...

... but then again it is February.

$$$التويني:المؤامرة اسرائيلية$$$ معالي التانت ام ميشال: النظام السوري قتل الشهيد$$$ معالي التانت ام ميشال:مستمرة$$$ السيد علي الامين:حتى زوجتي تحب السيد حسن أكثر مني$$$دوري شمعون:حتى زوجة السيد علي الامين تحب السيد حسن أكثر منه$$$كارلوس اده:فاجأناكم مووويتوأوبريغادو سامبا دو جانيرو$$$كارلوس: في خيار و كانتون و فوتبول و باسكتبول$$$كارلوس:هون و هونيك و عون و عونيك$$$كارلوس: ما تحطوا خياركن هونيك عند عون حطوا خياركن فيّي$$$كارلوس: لكم خياركم و لي الكوسا$$$الياس عطالله:يا سفاحين... عاش لبنان$$$بطرس حرب:بتلبقلي الرئاسة ما هيك؟$$$حرب: جينا اليوم $$$اوغاسبيان:الحقيقة تركيا أولاً إذا بتعملني وزير$$$باسم السبع:ليلة البارحة شفت باب الجنة و كلن فقعانين ضحك$$$رفيق بهاء الدين الحريري يخاطب الشعب عبر باسم السبع$$$ باسم السبع:والله هذا الخطاب لازم يدفعولي عليه شي مليون مينيموم ولا حتى حسن صبرا ببوس طياز متلي$$$نسيب لحود: ضبوا الخيم بدنا نروح عالبودا بار$$$الصفدي ما قال شيءلم يقال من قبل$$$كلمة الرئيس الاعلى لرؤساء العلى الكتائبيين: انا اتناول الغذاء مع العلي العالي بوش فإليكم نائبا عني لا رئيس ولا عالي$$$أرزة بشري: الله قوات حكيم و بس$$$أرزة بشري: قالوا و قلناالخيل و الليل والبيداء تعرفنا$$$أرزة بشري: مقاومة مقاومة مقاومة$$$أرزة: هي و يلا لحود طلاع برة$$$أرزة: لا يحاولنّ أحدٌ$$$الزعيم الوطني أبو تيمور: يا أشرف الرجال و مع الرجال رجال $$$الزعيم:أعطنا الصواريخ و خذوا التبن والشعير$$$ الزعيم:يا وحشا يا قرد يا من انصاف الرجال$$$الزعيم: المحكمة آتية و معها حكم الاعدام و عشتم و عاش لبنان$$$السعد:ممممم آه مممم آآآه مممممممممممم$$$السعد: شكراُ$$$السعد:ممممممممممممممم شكراًآآآه$$$السعد: شكراً شكراً شكراً وشكراً$$$ السعد: للمنية و عكار و سير الضنية و كسروان والمتن و عرسال بيروت الاشرفية و بيروت الروشة و بيروت الطريق الجديدة شكراً شكراً شكراً و شكراً$$$السعد:ممممممممممم واثقون آآآآآآه المحكمة الدولية شكراً معنا$$$ موقع جمال للبروباغندا يدعو جميع القراء الى المشاركة الكثيفة$$$مزارع شومان تقدم بيضة بلدية طازجة لكل من يشارك بكثافة$$$برج الثور يتمنّى لبرج الميزان يوم حب كثيف$$$ابو ابراهيم الخضرجي يدعو محبي السلطة الى المشاركة الكثيفة $$$ الانصار يبتعد في صدارة الدوري$$$ المواطن عبدو فقد جواز سفره الرجاء ممن يجده التبرع بالدم فئة ألف باء بوبايي$$$كس إخت هل حالة$$$ للمزيد من وجع الرأس دور التلفزيون على اي محطة$$$ آل وقيل يدعون جميع أفراد العائلة الى المشاركة الكثيفة$$$ جمعية تجار الاكسترا بوروجو تدعو الجميع الى المشاركة الكثيفة$$$ أنا وأخي على ابن عمي أنا و ابن عمي عالغريب$$$ وحّدوه$$$

Stay Updated on today's speeches

on the propaganda ticker above..

Billboard Review

مشوار عجل الديب بيعرضك لشي ثلاث ملايين و نصف "بانو" اعلاني. (أكتر من 95% منُّن منتصب و منصوب بشكل غير قانوني، بس حطّ بالخرج مين بيحكي بالقانون بهل أيام.) هلّق إذا جمعنا كل هل رسائل بمجلّد واحد. بيطلع معنا جوهرة أدبية بتوصفلنا واقع الحضارة اللبنانية. رح وفّر عليكن الوقت والبنزين و أعطيكن الكليف نوتس.

الحملة الجديدة لمحبّي الحياة بتقول: "باقي هون"، و بعدين بيزهق و بيغيّر رأيو لا مش باقي هون،"نازل عالشغل"، "رايح إسهر"، "راجع من السفر"...فتبيّن إنّو محبّي الحياة كلّن رجال ما في نسوان "رايحة تسهر" أو "نازلة عالشغل" مثلاً. رجال بتحب تسهر من جهة و من الجهة التانية عندك قوس قزح! ما حدا مبسوط بهل البلد قد جماعة حلم.

بعيداً عن الألوان سقط شي بالباراشوت بالأبيض والأسود بلا وجه و بلا قفى إسمو 11 آزاغ. بيقولو إنّو هنّي بالنص. طب بس إذا 8 زبالة و 14 مجارير أجلكن، هلّق إنتو لي بالنص ما بتكون طالعة ريحتكن؟

وأخيراً في الذكرى..."عن جدّ اشتقنالك".
هلّق السنة الماضية كانت "اشتقنالك" حاف عالناشف.
فشو معقول تكون السنة الجاي؟ "عن جدّ عن جدّ اشتقنالك ولوووو"؟

Maroun El Ras in the News Again

Not much to say, actually plenty to say but no time to do so. So here is how Maroun looked a few weeks ago from the center of Bint Jbeil.

Note: Comments will be moderated until Papa and Mamma Occupation hire a new babysitter.

Pro War? Say Aye!

So far we have:

Children against war
Mothers against war
Desperate housewives against war
War veterans against war
Someone with no one against war
March 11th against war
Most calendar days against war
Billboards against war
I love life clearly against war
I love life with conditions also against war
TV clips against war
Fatwas against war
Haifas against war
Human chains against war
Chain letters against war
Youtube clips against war
Newspaper ads against war
Blogs against war
Honor pacts against war
Bumper stickers against war
.
.
.

Come on pro war crowd. Express yourself against the against war monopoly of propaganda. Do something!

Loving Life one day at a time

Things in Beirut are now Calm. Beirut Calm, off course, which is not to ever be confused with serenity calm. "Now" must also be taken in the Beirut sense of the word. Now means literally Now. This moment. Now is different from... Now. We are living the "Live the Moment" cliche.

Short term planning has been reduced to spur of the moment decisions. Dinner tonight is a long term plan. Your reservations are a Tic-o-tac ticket. You might feast, but more likely you'll stay hungry. Too many variables could change between now, lunchtime, and then, dinner time.

While planning a weekend trip for next weekend would be considered too short a notice in most parts of the world, these days here it is called ambition. I aspire to watch the Superbowl sunday night. I have a dream ... of a Wednesday hump.

Next month? Next year? Are you fucking kidding me? That's the afterlife, you go on doing things as you see right and hope that in the end your faith won't let you down.

This chaotic life style is too much to handle for most normal people. But we always say that Lebanon is abnormal, I mean a Special little country.

Voting a la Libanaise

.

Here I am 3 days into an online voting campaign and I'm already exhibiting typical Lebanese politician behavior. I'm becoming evil.

I've made tons of promises that I know I won't and can't possibly keep. I'm asking people to vote for me based on friendship and national pride regardless of whether they think my submitted article is good or bad. Actually I doubt many have even read it. I've hypocritically asking for support from people whom I usually evade. I'm buying votes with beer and other incentives; Cellphone recharge cards and gas coupons are still in the works. I'm using other people's tragedies to gain myself sympathy votes. By the way I've heard that if you vote that you liked my article it might lead you to a nude picture of Charlize Theron and Angelina Jolie making out. I'm so blinded by winning that I wouldn't mind spending more than the laptop's worth just to win. My campaign managers are doing a great job, but please don't tell them their payment checks will bounce, I really appreciate their work. Where is Ghazi Kenaan when you need him, he would've gerrymandered me into an easy win.

In my defense though, it is an awesome looking laptop. It's Black AND White at the same time. Apple might have colors, but here we have the first example of e-racial harmony. It has a rotating screen! That means you can actually type while staring at the back of the screen. How uselessly cool is that? You can type a whole page, nay, a whole book that way and then "Ba'ousseee" you find out you were typing all this in wingding font.

With 4 days to go, I have not started a smear campaign against my foe yet. I haven't sank that low yet, but at the rate I'm going that might come tomorrow.

HELP!!

Saturday Night at the Movies 2

It seems like every time I go to the movie theater to check out one of Hollywood's latest creations I bump into one or more, much more, of my fellow bloggers. It could be just coincidence, after all this is a tiny "country". But after looking at a list of the top 20 movies at the Lebanese Box Office for 2006, something leaped out. The Lebanese cinema frequenting crowd is miniscule. The average viewership for the top 20 movies of the year is around 40,000 or roughly 1% of the population. That's for the top 20 movies, so the number of regular movie goers is smaller. This puts me and the other Lebanese bloggers in this 1% of the population, so how representative of Lebanon can we possibly be?

Personally, I dread each time I must go to Haret Hreik, Tareek Jdideh, or Burj Hammoud. The tight roads and the pedestrian and scooterized masses there make driving a nightmare even in Lebanese road standards. I've only been once to the Buj Brajneh Refugee camp, Tareek Jdideh's alleys look like the autobahn compared to the roads there. I've never been to Nabatiyeh, Jizzeen, Hasbaya, Rashaya, Akkar, or Hermel. I'm trying to get my friends in the 1% to win me a laptop in an online vote, by the way don't forget to vote for me again today and every day .

But what do I know about the other 99% of Lebanon. What do you?

On the Verge of War

With Lebanon on the verge of war, I have plenty of specimens of evil around to examine and determine whether people are born that way or whether evil is an acquired taste just like caviar.

The streets of Beirut have showcased a plethora of evil the past few days. So surely I can go to one of the rooftop snipers ask him to lay on a couch, carress his hair, and listen to him open up to me about the trauma he suffered when he walked in on his dad cheating on his mom with his 1st grade English teacher whom he had a crush on and had spent all his allowance buying apples for. Weren't apples also involved in the original sin? Hmm... But no, that can't be it, I'm sure Mother Teresa had an apple or two growing up and she turned out OK.

We must dig deeper and younger. At risk of sounding pedophiliac, I think we must check out the babies at the maternity ward for answers. These little angels can't be evil. Sure they scream all night, but have you seen the face of that nurse? Also, they were so eager to be born and now they find out they have to wait a year to walk, 2 to talk, 3 to open the fridge, at least 5 to reach the chocolate shelf, over 15 years to get laid, and 21 years to buy a freaking beer. That is evil.

Alas, these little angels aren't so innocent. All you have to do is look at them a day earlier, the moment they were born. Look at the faces of their mothers pushing, sweating, and crying.

A cow drops a calf effortlessly. Hens' eggs are a dime a dozen.

Only pure evil would pay back the mother that carried them in her womb for 9 patient months with pain and agony.

So there you have it, it doesn't get more scientific than this.



*This post was in response to "Are people born evil?" on Love to Lead's Competition. Visit the website where you can read other bloggers' answers after you vote for me. I'm badly in need of a new laptop. You might also win one if you vote for me.

From Lebanon M16

Civil wars

Sure civil wars do take place elsewhere, but no other land can claim a civil war or two per generation. There are even accounts of civil wars that predate the "modern" man, when the sheep and goats locked horns over a watering hole in the Southern Metn region. The war occured shortly after the discovery of fire which led to the second most important discovery in history: Barbecue. Homo Cheframzien then became the first registered case of obesity.

Then came man and his wars. First war on record was between the clockwise and anti-clockwise dabke dancers. As all subsquent wars, there were no winners in this conflict. Both camps held ground with boots firmly in place and signed the first national reconcilaition under the auspices of the Roman Caracalla family which then privatized and monopolized dabke for eterntiy.

With the arrival of God, civil wars became just too easy as you no longer needed to find a reason to fight as God will always be on your side. The rest is history.

With that said, I promise you there will not be a civil war this time around. If I'm wrong you can shoot me.

من وحي المناسبة: شحّادين يا بلدنا

*This post is recycled from a year ago as nothing has changed over the past year, or 40 for that matter. You can download a version of the song sang by horny teenagers via this link.

Shoushou sang it 40 years ago, and since we love tradition so much we still sing the same tune today.

Beggars are usually crackheads or alkies that need their fix. Not here. In Lebanon begging is an artform, a career opportunity, a status symbol.

There are of course the street beggars which range in age between 1 and 100. They are expert racial profilers and speak exclusively in rhymes. Body disfigurement, systematic avoidance of showers, and malnourishment are their strongest weapons. The more experienced of them only work summers. They shed their suits and hit the streets where they can avoid wasting time on the cheap locals and focus on the deep tourist pockets, thus yielding much higher productivity. They conduct weekly gatherings for Friday prayers. NO, not in mosques but just outside.

Institutionalized begging is also common. To get involved in this field though you have to be a middle aged man of the cloth. They too speak exclusively in rhyme, but they do occasionally shower. God, orphans, and eternal damnation are their keys to open checkbooks. They host Friday prayers.

Now being a millionaire or even a billionaire shall not stop you from kindly begging for more.
Begging conferences are usually at the fanciest resorts. Hors d'oeuvre and champagne constantly flow. Surely they only beg for the poor. Someone has to fight poverty, and they make great sacrifices to raise fight for that cause. God bless them. Some rhyme in their speech, but a whole lot of slime. Friday prayers? Only in election campaign season.

Back to Shoushou, 40 years ago he also sang:

نحنا حراميّي زغار، و هنّي كبار كبار

What does he know, he's just a clown.

Comments on a Normal Tuesday

I woke up to quieter than normal streets. Anyone who's been to Hamra knows what normal noise level is here; it's usually between Jet Engine level and a Fran Drescher shriek. So I turned on the TV to find a reporter on the streets of Beirut informing us how it is a normal day across town and how all roads and businesses are open. He sounded convincing except in the background you didn't see people or cars instead you saw a dark cloud of smoke. How could I possibly know the Truth of what is going on. I could switch the channel, this isn't Syria or Saudi Arabia or any other Arab country, we do have other non-state controlled and very free media (except for New TV which is not free because it is not protected by a militia).

So I switched the channel and at 8 am Samir Geagea was already declaring that the army and the security forces have failed at their jobs (accusations that were rapidly echoed by other Bristol troop figures) and unleashed his new generation of black clad thugs to take things into their own hands. So the army that had its arms full already with Lebanon's largest civil disobedience movement, now had the added burden of fending off thugs looking for trouble. I didn't like that scene so I switched back to the other TV station with which, as I found out yesterday, shares my habit of daydreaming and a hatred for Naser Qandil.

At the end of the chaotic day calm was restored. 3 people were dead and a hundred or so injured which is tragic; but given that the whole country( and not any country) was engulfed in street fights involving guns, I must say the army and the security forces did a commendable job. If riots of this scale broke out in any American city, the amount of deaths and injuries would have been multiple times more, not to mention the looting that would have hapened.

Kudos to the army and friends for doing a tremendous job at averting disaster, despite what some ungrateful bastards are promoting for narrow personal political gains.

Spot the 10 Mistakes

Long before Sudoku, the entertainment page in the newspaper used to feature a spot the mistakes picture. Let's see how well you can do with spotting blunt discrimination in this ad for MEA which is unequivocally not an equal opportunity employer.

Click on picture for larger image.

خطاب زقّف تقلّك

خطاب زقّف تقلّك

بعد كم يوم رح يطلّ علينا قائد العالم الحرّ والمعتدل بس مش سكاندينافيا و روسيا و كندا لإنّو رب ربّك ما بيتحمّل بردات كانون بهيديك البلاد.
رح يطلع و يبلّش يعدّ انجزات وانتاجات السنة (على سيرة الإنجازات والانتاجات لهل سنة، في حدا يقلّي شو صابو لزياد الرحباني (ر) بال2006 ؟ هيئتو اكتشف الفياغرا. إنّو معلوماتي مش أكيدة بس صحصح من النوم و كتّر، بيانات عراديوات، و بيانوات لبعد نص ليل، و مقالات و مهرجنات،يا إلاه، يا لطيف...ة. هاي بنرجعلا بعدين) بنرجع لبوش لي دحرج روس، و يمكن قتل حدا مهم بالصومال، هيدا لي يمكن كان إلو دعوة بتفجيرات السفارات بال98 ، و راح يشدّد على هالنقطة ليفرجي إنّو شطّور مش متل كلينتون يلي كان عم بيغزّ بمونيكا لمّا صارت غزوة أفريقيا.
على كلّن، لي بيميّز خطاب حالة الإتّحاد عن غيرو هو التزقيف. إنّو ولا مرّة طلع رئيس أميركاني وقال: يا جماعة الحالة خرى. أو خرة؟ ألف مقصورة أو تا مربوطة؟ هيدي ما علّمني إيّاها إيلي ماروني، أستاذي لاللّغة العربيّة سابقاً و زعيم الكتائب بزحلة حاليّاً رغم إنّو كان يعلّم فصحى. خلص بنسأل البطريرك بما أنّو هو الخبير. خبير بالتا المربوطة ، ما تسببولي مشاكل سوء تفاهم هلّق، سيدنا البطرق بيشدّّ بلفظة التا المربوطة: حكومةّ وحدةّ وطنيةّ، هيدا كان قصدي. المهم، بنرجع عالموضوع الرئيسي الرئاسي. الرئيس لي بيحظى برضى تلت شعبو و تلت شعبنا رح يطلع يوعظ كيف اتّحادو قوي و متين و بيلقى دعك و جسمو لبّيس و مزدهر و جغل و سكسي ماكسيموم. و رح يزقفولو جماعتو تزقيف مبرمج و منسّق و مترجم و مدبلج ما في متلو إلاّ بالشام. الحرب تزقيف، الضمان الاجتماعي تزقيف، دسبريت هاوس وايفز تزقيف و تهييص. بس الفرق بين الديموقراطيّة الهوليووديّة النموذجيّة و الديموقراطيات الشقيقة هو إنّو هونيك بيضلّو من وقت لي بيخلص بوش لتلتي لوقت ما يبلّش السوبربول لي هو أهمّ حدث رياضي عندن يعني متل أطول أوف بالأوّل علLBC عنّا، بيضلّو عم بيحلّلو. لا مش الخطاب، ... التزقيف.

كلّ محطّات التلفزة والإذاعة والمطبوعات رح تخبّرنا و تبشّرنا كم مرّة زقّفولو لقبضاي زمانو و قدّيش كان معدّل طول و عرض كل زقفة. و رح يطلعلنا شي صحافي حاطومي بيحب ينكش أكتر من غيرو ليحسبلنا كم ديسيبل كانت كل زقفة من إيام ما اخترع الكسندر غراهام بل الصوت لليوم.

خلاصة الموضوع، حضروا حالكن، في حرب جديدة بالمنطقة لإنو الحقيقة كلنا زهقنا من العراق.

Le Fatwa

Here are my Two Cents about Paris Trois, or Two Billion Dollars for that matter, at the end of the day it's all the same.

First of all, the Siniora Reform Plan is not reform or a plan, let's call it what it is a to do list. While I appreciate the work of the world bank intern who worte the list, it's more than most Lebanese public servants have ever done for the country, but it does not address any of the problems of the Lebanese abyss of public funds known as Government.

The Lebanese Economy is bleeding extensively from its severed extremities, and the proposed cure is a Band Aid Bandage. (Siniora's office just issued a statement and billboards assuringthe Lebanese people that they will get a Full Box of Band Aid, and maybe even a whole case if the opposition goes home.)

The Lebanese Economy's health is comparable to that of Ariel Sharon, so drastic measures are needed to salvage it. The Siniora reform plan simply does not do that. It will deepen the problem and then force the Lebanese to sell off all they had and still have the same problems down the road.

Higher taxes, privatization, and longer work hours are not necessarily bad, they might be necessary, but adopting these measures right now would be disasterous. It would be a reward to those who got us into this dilemma in the first place.

Let's start with the tax hike. I'll spare you all the talk about poor people being hit the worst, and all the political exploitation that the lame opposition is practicing. Any tax hike, and especially when it's an extreme 50% tax hike, should be accompanied with detailed transparent accounting of how this extra income will be spent. Funding the debt service is fine and dandy, but how about more details especially when this debt wreaks of conflict of interest. Is it really in Hariri inc.'s favor to lower the debt when they are ultimately getting a good healthy chunk of the debt servicing through their generous financial institutions. Ok, I'll keep it short and simple since these issues could go on and on.

Privatization, or more accurately Harirization, of Public properties, usually helps improve services by distancing them from the cancer of government bureaucracy. So far no problem looking at it from rightist economics. Let's look at the electric company for example. I don't buy the excuse that the problem is unfixable because the employees are politically protected, because we know that the decision to privatize the company can not pass without the political green light from the same people protecting these employees. So if Privatization is an option, then cleaning up the company should also be a viable option given there is a will to do so, since it is the same political obstacle that faces both options. Fix some of the problems and then sell off at a higher price, but the problem becomes when the potential buyer also signs for the seller in the sales transaction, would he be interested in getting the most for the people out of the sale or would he want to get a low price on the purchase.

4 extra work hours a week will increase productivity. Oh really? That shows you that Mr. Soiniora has not been to any government office. How will 4 extra hours of Solitaire help productivity? These extra hours will be punishment to the handful of workers who do actually earn their paycheck, as for the rest which are the grand majority, well they are probably rotfloling at this suggestion.

Anyways, this nonreform plan is disasterous for Lebanon, catastrophic actually and the people should prevent these commitments from being undertaken at any price. The opposition has not provided an alternative plan yet, and thus are actually acting as alibis to this robbery. Well some of the opposition figures are partners in crime with Hariri Inc. so no surprises there.

To stop this heist I hereby issue a fatwa that:
1.) any action the Lebanese people take to stop this robbery, including the breaking in and liberation of the Grand Serail, is legitimate self defense.
2.) the Lebanese people are entitled to reclaim their robbed funds in any way and as many ways they see fit; whether by robbing banks, pickpocketing Randa Berri, or just stealing grapes from the Kefraya Vineyards.

Wa 3ushtum, wa 3asha Lubnan.

What's Hanging

So I finally snapped out of my annual end of annus depression. Well, more like my depressed anus (scientific name: Lazy ass) was slapped out of it, and thankfully so.Anyways, back to business.

The Best of 2006 awards post was on a piece of paper in my back pocket, somehow it got wet and turned into one of these Rorschach inkblots which pretty much is a perfect depiction of 2006. I might attempt to recreate it, but first I must answer the question that is on everyone's mind:

What do Akil Bros, the Muslim Brotherhood, and Mayez El Bayyaa' have in common?

They all have banners with their signatures hanging in the streets of Beirut.
Why pay Pikasso for the use of their mostly illegal billboards when you can hang your own mostly illegal banner off your balcony, off the phone, the mostly illegal cable, mostly illegal internet, a laundry, or a high voltage electric line. Aside from serving as rest stops for migrating city birds (and where else could resting pigeons do their thing and wipe up in the same convenient place), Banners feature messages. Remember when it was the pigeons that actually carried the messages and the other way around? Anyways… while the messages may vary, the ropes and wires tangle is always the same.

Akil and his kin use banners to advertise 90% sales and/or remind passersby that the shop is 50m down the street. The Muslim Brotherhood and other religious fraternities constantly like to remind you about the virtues of religion since people in Lebanon aren't exposed to enough religious preaching. Politicians like Dory Chamoun and Kamal Shatila try to compensate for their lack of support on the streets with hovering banner support. As for the regular folk and Mayez El Bayyaa', they use street banners to kiss the ass of their Zaeem, dead , alive, or absent, in hopes of earning brownie points. The king of ass kissers, or should it be the queen, is a guy by the name of Wajih El Damerji. Unlike some amateurs cram multiple lines of brownnosing on their banners; Wajih El Damerji has perfected one-liner praise banner and spread it by the hundreds all over town. Damerji has actually taken it one step further, while 90% of his smooching is directed at one target, he made sure to reserve 10% of his kisses for other cheeks…just in case.

At the end of the day, street banners are another valuable free speech tool, albeit a free speech tool for those annoying people and singer whose speech you've always tried to avoid.