Friday, August 25, 2006

Crashing Back into Normalcy

I live off one of the most traffic accident prone intersections in Beirut. The traffic congestion in the area prevents high speed driving and thus limits injuries caused by these crashes. But the vocal blame fights between the drivers after such incidents have been known to puncture a few ear drums.

Last night was no different. A speeding tinted windows Mercedes slammed into an arrogantly-strutting-its-trunk-in-the-middle-of-the-street Peugeot. The druzetache sporting driver of the Mercedes stepped out of the car and told the other car owner not to worry; the Mercedes is Walid Beik’s and his insurance will take care of everything. The Mercedes was pretty slick, which reminded me of a conversation I had with a friend that the MTV crew should have a go at the Lebanese zaeems’ Cribs.

Move over Dr. Dre, here comes Dr. Geagea’s Arz estate, and he has prison creds too. Hassan Nasrallah’s crib has been reduced to a radioactive pile of rubble, but his charred motorcade is a perfect candidate for Pimp My Ride; a Manar Studio in the back seat, a Zelzal under the hood. On to Qoraytem where you’ll find a 7 meter wide life size poster of the Martyr on every wall of every room and a 1700 men strong security force guarding a house that is completely empty eleven months out of the year. In Rabieh, you’ll see the navel room, the afandi room, the tangerine room, the Clementine room, the Balkis room, the fresh squeezed room, etc…

In other Zaeem houses (without naming names to avoid lawsuits) you should pay particular attention as you might be able to spot your neighbor’s chandelier, your great grandmother’s long lost grandfather’s clock, uncle Joe’s 1975 Citroen amongst other loot that didn’t cross our soon to be closed borders during the past 2 decades.

8 comments:

laila said...

:)

welcome back

Randah said...

LOL I really enjoyed this post. Are u talking about the karakol druze intersection?i used to go to a friend's place there on weekends and there was an accident almost every week! Also, i've always wondered what use they had with my grandmother's chandelier..

Hassan said...

In some other stories, namely the stories of Suleiman Beik, he talks about some church bells in some zaeem's house.

I doubt it. I think they were all cast into more sell-able at some point in the war.

Kodder said...

ouf mish ma32ool, be3ti2eed the ignore thing meshyit.
ba3id ma ija el habbool.
anyway welcome back jamal :).

Hamid-Liban said...

Who is the head of the Syrian Mukhabarat in Lebanon now?
Is it Immad Mughniyeh?
I knew Ghazi Qanaan ( al marhum). I knew General Rustum Ghazale.

Charles Malik said...

I would totally watch Zaim Cribz!

I would love to see the inside of Fares Boueiz's palace, and also George Frems'.

I've already been to Qureitem and Ain e-Tineh, and I hear it's easy to get in to Mukhtara.

Kodder said...

damn it?
its been 3 days??
wayno???? where is he????
:P

Anonymous said...

Jamal,
where r u man?
3 days without a post..I am having a severe case of withdrawal here :)

addicted to this blog