Indisputable Picture Evidence

It IS a Moustache... I think.

(Thanks Cuz for the Picture, and Sorry for cropping you out but Cropping is my only photoshop skill so I have to use it everytime I get a chance.)

A Lebanese Newspaper

There are no newspapers out today in Beirut because of the End of Ramadan holiday. I feel obliged to fill the void for those of us who must get their daily dose of repetetive propaganda rants to get their day going.

As you know, Beirut features 713 daily newspapers which is roughly double the number of news paper readers in the country. Circulation is not really an issue as all newspapers' publishing expenses are covered by rich people and countries. Anyways, 712 of these dailies run the same format. The lone exception is Al Balad which decided that writers are overrated in the newspaper business and has replaced all writers on the staff with photographers and google image searchers.

So here you have what today's newspapers would've looked like.

The feature headline must be scandalous and not necessarily true so we can go with "Brammertz: Hariri died of Avian Flu" followed by supportive evidence and then what really is going on in smaller print like "Avian Flu case confirmed in Homs" and then "Bunch of Dudes and Nayla Mouawad have Nescafe and Petifour at Bristol."

The front page editorial is always an "I told you so" that proves the newspaper's credibility. "Back in the 80's you all made fun of my 70's wardrobe. Today it's back in style, so stop mocking my toupe."

Pages 2-6 feature one opinion piece that is based on conversations with a ton of anonymous well informed sources, one investigave report based on testimonials of anonymous well informed sources, and the following news items:

Siniora thanks so and so for their Generous Pledge of Support

Berri Smirks about his Ability to Get Away with Murder

Former PM Hoss after meeting with Tunisian delegate: We must maintain a good relationship with Syria

Patriarch Sfeir after hosting Harb: We insist on a Unified position (Wihdat Al Saff)

Lahoud after confirming the Ambassador of Latvia: Chirac wants my Back

Fadhlallah in Friday's Sermon : Beware of Conspiracies

Walid Eido: Look at me, look at me, look at me

Page 7 is where the newspaper tries to connect with the people by trying to bring up their problems like "Parking problem near An-Nahar Bldg. causes Citizens major delays".

The economy page has been reprinted exactly the same way for the past 15 years and no one has noticed, just look at it tomorrow and you'll see the following headlines: "US Dollar exchange rate is 1507.5 Liras", "Year nearing End and no Budget in Sight", and "Salameh: Banking Sector in Great Shape".

Sports pages always talk about teams financial woes and fan fights on the local scene, while internationally it's all about Ronaldinho and Tennis for some reason.

Culture page features Haifa or a look alike and some frustrated arab writer who blames his shitty writing on imperialism.

(The Horoscopes go here, but some girl ripped them out to show them to her friend.)

Finally, the back cover features odd news items off the wires, a random picture of Kellaj that I had promised before, and the silly Caricature du Jour which I will replace with this witty sketch by Amal.

I hope this quenches your newspaper cravings until tomorrow.

Assad I, Bush I, Iraq I, Assad II, Bush II, Iraq II and Lebanon

The picture above depicts what happened when Assad I appeased Bush I during Iraq I. Syrian soldiers dancing over what was later (last year) discovered to be a mass grave of Lebanese soldiers in Yarze.

This scene would've been reproduced in March 2005 in Martyrs' Square had Assad II done what Bush II wanted him to do in his Iraq II Project for spreading freedom, democracy, moderation, subserviency in the Middle East.

Fortunately for us, Assad II's defiance was in the Lebanese people's advantage as we got rid of, to some extent, brotherly bullying. Of course nothing is for free. The price we had to pay was a period of instability that is far from over.

Back to October 13th, 1990, I lived in Chtaura in the Bekaa which isn't exactly the commercial air traffic capital in the world. The only air traffic I witnessed growing up was that of Israeli fighter jets taking care of building code violations in the area by leveling buildings on their occupants. The morning of that day was exceptional as the fighter jets in the air were different. They sounded as if they had a broken exhaust pipe and they were coming from the East. Minutes later they returned and the battle was over. Syria was awarded a full control lease of Lebanon as a return favor for their full support of Iraq I, a lease deal that was up for renewal in 2005.

On a positive note, the events of that day meant I could now go ski in Faraya and watch Theatre du 10 Heurs at Portemilio Kaslik, two things high on my priorities' list as a young teenager. I wonder how much would my Pierre Chamassian autograph fetch on Ebay.

This weekend the Aounists commemorate that day, a day the whole world abandoned them as they stood all alone facing the Syrian occupation. Of course, you wouldn't get that impression if you see Al Mustaqbal's main headline today, but again they have an insatiable orange fetish.

In this occasion, I want to give some due credit to the Aounists. They have proven over the years to be the most "Lebanese" major political party in Lebanon. In a country where most major players draw strength from external sources to enhance their local presence (some have actually openly and shamelessly called themselves "tools"), the Aounists have patiently and painfully built a solid movement on the strength of a Lebanese base. While I don't support Aoun for president (though he will be), the example the Free Patriotic Movement has set can be a model for other "Lebanese" parties to follow. If the orange crew could overcome the hardships of the past 16 years to stand today as one of the Top 3 political parties in the country, then there is hope for some party with a better vision for Lebanon to follow the same path and succeed without embassy shortcuts or seesawing principles.

Now who's got the energy and commitment to go for it?

*Photo Source: Al Akhbar

I'll pick up the pace soon

I've been extremely busy that past few days, but I should be able to post more frequently soon. Especially, since the next few weeks WILL BE action packed. So says Michel Hayek, or was it a different Michel who promised that?

Meanwhile, here's something I wrote in response to some braggarts.

From Lebanon (Ramadan Edition)

The Msaharati

The residents of this strip of land might have invented the alfabet, but they will never be able to spell "noise ordinance." Noise pollution is part of life in this city and you have to adapt to it. Puncturing your eardrums with a Pencil would work, but then you wouldn't know how Haifa plans to top "Wawa". So instead you condition your body to not hear the regular dream interrupting noises like the dawn calls to prayer, the shrieking water pump that the neighbors forgot to turn off when they left the country in 1975, and little Nadine's Saturday morning piano lesson.

Seasonal noise events, like the entire population of Lebanon chanting "Barazil" or Israeli F-16's experimenting with bunker buster bombs, shock the system and break down your defense mechanism, which leaves you struggling again with an enemy you thought you had outsmarted.

A dude banging a drum and screaming his lungs out at 3 a.m. is one of these factors that aren't programmed into your night noise blocking system. That's the Msaharati. His message is "Wake up and Eat." A noble cause except he is the bar tender who pokes a passed-out drunkard to sell him one more drink.

The best part about the Msaharati is that he will come to your door the day after Ramadan to "wish you a happy holiday". No Shame whatsoever.

The Msaharati, a Ramadan tradition for karaoke bar rejects.

Out your "Salon" Talk

We all know that in Lebanon everyone talks about everybody else. The topic could be about clothing, wedding parties, but passions run especially high when it comes to sectarian politics. This phenomenon is better known as "7aki Salonet." It involves anything from sectarian jokes to below the belt insults. These gatherings always work on the pretext that every single thing "our sect" does is right, and everything the "others" do is wrong. Of course the Sect could even be a sub-sect or a "3ashire" but the concept doesn't change.

In an effort to encourage intercommunity communications; to make people to open up to each other; to express their fears and their freudian complexes. I will open up this forum, and for one time only, to open sectarian bashing.

So at the risk of igniting a civil war, what is being said in the "Salons" that you frequent? Yes I know that no one in your family is like that, they all are a tolerant bunch, but what have you overheard your neighbors say?

Bring it all out: the jokes, the conspiracy theories, the Holier than Thou talk, the dirty laundry, etc... Fear nothing for God and internet anonymity are on your side.

Note: Please stick to topic, any unrelated comment will be deleted.

The King is Naked

I will not get involved in the petty internal political bickering. What a boring bunch of clowns with nothing to offer. Same cast for the last 20 years+ repeating the same lines, ... those are the days of our lives. I'm sure no one pays attention to them anymore.

We're in Ramadan which means Kellaj season for me. Kellaj is basically a mixture of fat and sugar that's then deeply fried and deeply sweetened. Yummy. For others, however, it's "ask Jamal why isn't he fasting" month. While it's a clearly intrusive and inapropriate question, you have to be careful how to answer it because your answer might offend some Jesus freaks, Mohammad freaks, whatever, they would be offended in way that would make the 1400 years fight over the Caliphate look like a piece of Kellaj. They really want you to go to heaven. It's for your own good.

It's day 7 or 6, depending on which of the Earth's moons you follow, which means I can't use the "I got my period" excuse much longer. Of course, I should've gone with I am Christian, that excuse would've lasted me at least a month, but too late for that now. There's also the Aoun or Geagea deal; I might miss one of the hand signals which would open a whole other can of worms. So it's back to the drawing board...

I do have my first Iftar of the month this evening. Those things I do take part in. Come 6:30 pm or 8:00 pm, again depending on which of the Earth's suns you watch set, everyone around the table would have developed an animal predator approach to dining which makes me feel normal for once.

So if I pick up the tab tonight, do you think I'll get dressed with the Sultan's Garb?

1 Year Anniversary

This Blog is one year old today.

I want to thank everyone who has spent time reading my rants.

I also want to say a Big THANK YOU to Amal for this beautiful gift which basically sums up the year that was.

Here's to a less eventful Year 2.

Everyone Loves a Parade

Yesterday I decided to walk to the newly dubbed "Pride and Dignity Square" , an 8 KM distance as the Google Earth flies, to get a full picture of Beirut on this day.

At 12:30 pm, I had my cup of coffee and scoured the daily newspapers at my favorite cafe. There was a shouting match across the street but surprisingly it was apolitical. By the way, Rania and Abdallah of Jordan are sleeping in seperate bedrooms.

1 pm; Hamra Street has its regular crowd combined with some motorists sporting their Hezbollah flags and blasting their Nasrallah speeches while some passers by discretely wish for them and him to drown in shit.

1:20 pm; I get side tracked when I spot a new restaurant. Food gets me everytime. However, this restaurant's decor is too colorfull for it to have good food. Also, the fact that this spot used to house a Pizza Hut doesn't work in its favor.

1:30 pm; Someone I know sees me and offers me a ride wherever I was going. He felt offended because I told him I just wanted to walk. He wasn't convinced. No one "just walks" in Beirut. Oh Well.

1:35 pm; The Spears Barbar bottleneck is not exclusive to cars on the street, the sidewalk is also a victim to this phenomenon. Instead of bombing bridges, Israel should've built Barbars everywhere that would've clogged all roads (and arteries) and paralyzed the country.

1:40 pm; in Zoqaq Blat you can buy one Kilogram of Tomatoes or Grapes for 500LL. No one will ever starve to death in Lebanon.

1:45 pm; I stopped at 3ezz Cafe Downtown, since this used to be my caffeine supply when I worked in the area. "3ezz" is a staunch Haririst, and so was everyone else present there. Let the fun begin. Ok, I couldn't take notes fast enough. Siniora stopped the war, he's no traitor. All the arabs abandoned the Palestinian cause, why won't we. If they open the Golan front, we will go and fight there. We all used to love Nasrallah, but not since he said "Thank You Syria." Overall, a lot of resentment towards Syria.

2:15 pm; I spot Ibrahim Kanaan at Le Georges in Gemmayze, the dude stood less than a meter away and I still couldn't tell whether or not he has a moustache. It's a light angle trick that has me baffled.

2:25 pm; The young cedar on the Lebanese Forces posters looks much healthier than the blossoming cedar on Almanar TV.

2:35 pm; Tabaris, Furn El Hayek, Sodeco are all emptyish, early start to the weekend I guess. I hear my name and have a 5 minute with someone that knows me without having a clue who he is.

2:45 pm; Oh I remember who he is, he used to work at one of the companies I worked for.

2:50 pm; I've been walking for two and half hours mixing with the people of Beirut, but fuck it , my destination is still over 5 kilometers away, so I'm hitching a ride.

3:15 pm; The Mar Mikhail church is as far as cars can get, so back to walking. Tons of people, mostly with yellow flags, but you'll spot occasional black, green, orange, red and the unmistakeable mutant radioactive pistacchio colored flags of the Marada party.

3:45 pm; Ice cream trucks, cotton candy, roasted nuts, Nasrallah speeches on Cassette or CD (I got me the classical 1998 Jerusalem day, but most youths prefer the Ashura 2003 remix.), and lots and lots of baby carriages; plenty of pride and dignity but still no square.

4:00 pm; More people heading away from the "square", than those heading to it , they said they weren't letting any more people in. Are you kidding me, I didn't walk and hitch all this distance to be left out. Oh and by the way, I spotted a couple of Israeli MK drones in the sky filming the event.

4:15 pm; the pace got slower and the space tighter and the oxygen scarcer and butt grabbing more frequent, it was getting obvious I' m not gonna make it and even if I managed to push my way close enough to Pride it would have to be at the expense of Dignity. Right there I decided to give up.

5:00 pm; While I was in an air conditioned living room, Nasrallah started delivering his victory speech.

6:15 pm; He finished his brief talk. Main points: Olmert and Peretz are pair of boobs. Condy's New Middle East is a miscarriage. Yo Arab Leaders, wake up(Dream on Sayyed). Blue Helmets, Blue Balls. Internally he delivered strong words but weak messages. The roof of his demands remained a National Unity government. I already commented on this issue in my last post.

8:00 pm; Shower!!!!!

Blue Helmets and Black Turbans

On the eve of the "Divine" victory rally, there are several asking "Where to?" Since it's pretty clear to everybody that we're not "there" yet.

Let me start south of the Litani on the frontlines with Israel. UNSC 1701 is starting to look like a bizarro Cairo Accord. Allow troops from all over the world, it's preferably the light skinned ones outnumber the darker complexions, to turn South Lebanon into a stage where they can "protect Israel's right to exist" and prove to the world that they are not anti-semitic and have no Hitler genes whatsover. Today's Unifil is a baby blue helmeted PLO with guns pointing north instead of south. Well, come to think of it the original PLO's guns also pointed north instead of south. Freedom, sovereignty, Never Mind. While the ambiguity of Unifil's role is of concern, I personally think they are just here for show. While I don't question Europe's genuine love for Israel, I doubt they are willing to administer Qana III for them. They should start leaving come February. So for the southern Lailas looking for blue-eyed Romeos, Hook'em Fast!

North of the Litani, on the always entertaining Lebanese political scene, we are due for action. The first voices after the war were those who where screaming that they shouldn't be accused of treason. Why would anyone with a clear conscience be concerned with this issue? Hmmm. Anyways, these people were and will always be irrelevant tools, so let's talk about the more relevant free people. The Siniora government will not be overthrown, not now at least. It is protected from "El Diablo" himself. (Sorry Cowboy John, I know I shouldn't be taking this comic book approach to dealing with international policy. Destructive wars, bloody invasions, and violent occupations are the way to go.) However back to Lebanon, Hezbollah owes it to his supporters and allies to stand up to the Bristol troop. But how? They can not pull out of the cabinet because they do not trust the ruling majority with all the power and they can't overthrow it. So their only option is to press for a national unity government. Boring. If you thought the current crew has been impotent wait til you see the National unity jambalaya. Well, at least it'll be more entertaining when you have Fatfat and Frangieh in the same room.

Half Good or Half Bad

I'm sorry I've been slow when things are moving at light speed around here. When I try to put my thoughts about a topic on paper it seems to be trumped by another more urgent news. To keep up with the pace of ongoing events I will resort to bullets, just like everyone else seems to be doing these days.

• The Saudi-Qatari propaganda war is the best thing on TV since Seinfeld (before Larry David left the show.)
• The Saudi-Qatari propaganda war is the best thing to hit news stands since Oprah's Magazine.
• What's with the media blackout on the gun clashes erupting here and there.
• Walid Jumblat was a tool, he's now free. His words not mine.
• A country whose number one export is Cocoa was rewarded with a shipful of fatal toxic waste.
• God hates chocolate ... and Africans.
• God led Hezbollah to victory .
• God also led the Miami Heat to victory.
• My friend who has been job hopping in the desert since the 90's thinks the job market and economy in Lebanon are dead because of the 2006 Israeli war on Lebanon.
• Finance Minister Jihad Azour agrees.
• Dori Chamoun: Goatee or no Goatee?
• This week marked the death anniversaries of Bachir Gemayyel and Hadi Nasrallah, as seen extensively on TV, oh yeah and the thousands at Sabra and Shatila, barely seen on TV.
• Yemen.

Por La Plata Baila El Mono

A Spanish saying that translates to: "For the Money, The Monkey Dances."

While many people fit the description, my monkey du jour is Hassan Sabra.

I saw the cover of his respected magazine today and he had Michel Aoun featured with a photoshopped Iranian flag patterned foulard draped around his neck. I guess the idea of Aoun being in bed with the Syrians didn't fly, so Sabra is resorting to the other "bo3"*. Apparently people don't forget 15 years of Syrian-enforced exile so easily. I mean what does it tell you when even Al-Shiraa readers don't believe the story?

But why is he a dancing monkey?

I remember Hassan Sabra of the early 90's; his son used to play soccer with us when the father performed his weekly pilgrimage to Chtaura. Actually, Junior broke his arm once and that was when I learned that when bones break, they actually break break. As in break in two pieces break. But enough with my childhood traumas.

My point is that Hassan Sabra used to have his tongue so far up Ghazi Kenaan's ass he could taste his lunch. Today he's a "courageous journalist." Who's fooling whom?

But dancing monkeys are not completely useless. You can always use them to gauge whose propaganda machine has the deepest pockets at any given time.

*The bo3 is the Lebanese version of the Chupacabras.

The Crucifix of Siniora

At the end of the day, Fouad Siniora is just a loyal employee of Hariri Inc. (Not to use harsher descriptions thrown his way.) His failed 13+ months experiment as Prime Minister was nothing more than a lesson in the grooming process of his boss. While he was dizzy being pushed around in different directions, Boss was lounging on a Mediterranean island beach doing lines and taking notes on the Dos and Don'ts of Prime ministering. Siniora's usefulness seems to be expiring soon and while his name has been battered in many circles, his non-committal Boss is unscathed.

Welcome to Feudal Leadership 101.

Unfortunately for us, it has been reported the Boss's top advisors do not think he's ready for the job yet. (Insert your favorite expression of astonishment here.) So which loyal employee will be volunteered to be the next lab rat in Boss's educational curriculum?

Cluster Bombed

I've been away for a few days not because I have nothing to comment but because I have too many things that I wanted to talk about that I didn't know where to start. I'll just vent a little now, but I'll have a more level headed analysis in the future.

At this moment Prime Minister Lame Duck is meeting with Prime Minister Lame Duck in the Grand Seray. I wonder what they're quacking about. They are probably comparing golf vacation plans. Meanwhile, south of our border Prime Minister Lame Duck is still in denial. What can one do to get job security in this world?

On another front, if you are "pretty", "rich", or "smart" and you are secure about it would you go around announcing to everyone your virtues? So why does the ruling majority in Lebanon feel the need to keep reminding everyone that they are the majority.

I see Hezbollah targeted the Bristol gathering with a batch of Katyushas a couple of days ago. To Hezbollah I say, Stop teasing the people. You've been using these empty threats for over a year now and every time these supposed "thieves" bend and give you what you want, you turn a blind eye to all the looting. You are either against corruption or you are a partner in it. You are either against the government or you are part of it. You can not have the damning evidence you speak of and sleep on it for political gains. Stop talking off both sides of your mouth, state your position, and stick to it.

As for my contribution to the ongoing media smear campaign against Aoun, hmmm, what hasn't been used yet? Digging up picture with IDF, done. Calling him senile, done. Questioning his Maronitism, done. Syrian Mukhabarat accusations, done. Sold his soul for the presidency, done. Abou Ali Aoun, done. Party hand symbol resembles gun slinging, done. Well, it seems I can't add anything to this campaign, our fair and balanced media has got it all covered.

Enough for now...

Beyond Bint Jbeil

As I was leaving Beirut I ran into the around the clock procession of dump trucks that are moving Dhahieh to its new seafront location. Once you get past that, you'll start noticing some redecoration courtesy of the Israeli Air Force. Overpasses are out. Not a single overpass remains between Beirut and Saida. Silly Israelis! Any casual observer of Lebanese driving patterns knows that we don't use these things. Why take the long dizzying way when you can just jump the median?

Bridges are a different story; we do need those because we have many many rivers. A river is a continuous flow of water that pumps life into everything in its path. Water is life and we have an abundance of water. I just wanted to rub that in.

After a few detours to find alternative ways to cross the numerous water sources along the way we reached Soor, home of LBC's favorite mufti Sayyed Ali El Amin. Just a piece of advice here, If you're heading South fill up gas before you leave Beirut since gas pumps are an extinct species south of the Litani.

My destination was the border village of Yaroun, my grandfather's hometown and where he spent the first 15 days of Olmert's anger tantrum. Yaroun is one of the heavily damaged villages that didn't get much media coverage, probably because it is beyond Bint Jbeil and Bint Jbeil is more photogenic. Like most houses in Yaroun, my grandpa's is now missing a wall. On the bright side the living room is well ventilated and enjoys an unobstructed view of Jabal Al Jarmaq. So we went to the local "Jihad Construction" office to pick up some cash. Note that "Jihad" is one of the Arabic words that is never translated to English only so that the terror alert levl can remain at orange, just like Madrassa. By the way, Little Jihad cannot go to his Madrassa in Bint Jbeil because Bint Jbeil is, well, more like Bint Jbeil was.

Before you reach Yaroun from Bint Jbeil there is an ant hill on the left between the road and the border. It is known as Maroun El Ras. When I used to see the TV footage of the Maroun El Ras battles, I thought that was just one angle of this strategic base. It turns out that there were no other angles, Maroun El Ras is just what you saw in the camera frame; a couple of houses on what would be rated as a baby stroller hiking trail. You have to see how small the areas in question are to grasp the magnitude of the Israeli military failure. There are no visible Merkava tracks beyond the outskirts of Bint Jbeil. To put it in perspective the distance from there to the border is shorter than the distance from where you are to Starbucks.

On the way back, we stopped for food at th only open restaurant in the area. Two rocket holes adorned the seating area. A couple of mine explosions and stray Israeli jets provided the ambience music. Judging by the clientele present, the waiters will be needing intensive French and Italian courses. Barbecued Merkava was the Plat du Jour.

Tomorrow (Lebanese time, so it might be a few days) I'll go Beyond Beyond Bint Jbeil with a political reading of the war's results.

Back from the Frontlines

I shall write up a detailed account of my trip to Bint Jbeil and what's beyond beyond Bint Jbeil sometime tomorrow.

Go Shorty...It's Your Birthday

This Virgo is 46 years old today, so what do the stars tell us about him.

Per Astrology.com:

"The universe is really rocking and rolling right now. The fun and games begin very early as the Moon enters exuberant and enthusiastic Sagittarius (12:02AM PDT). Less than one hour later, Vesta in Virgo opposes Uranus in Pisces (12:55AM PDT). If you are feeling worried about a loved one's safety and security, join the club. This is amplified enormously by the long-awaited Saturn-Neptune polarity from Leo to Aquarius (2:56AM PDT). This sky pattern will form again on February 28 and June 25, 2007. Steer clear of anyone or anything that brings confusion, chaos, fogginess and nebulosity into your life. Saturn-Neptune oppositions only occur every 35 years and many people experience a potent tug of war between the material (Saturn) and spiritual (Neptune) realms of life. Unless you are very wise and sensible, there is a great tendency to be unrealistic right now. Try to be the Rock of Gibraltar to dear ones on the ropes. Help the downtrodden and disenfranchised to the best of your ability. Learn more about meditation and yoga. Explore the fine and graphic arts to your heart's content. Challenges may also manifest around the time of the First Quarter Sun-Moon Phase (3:58PM PDT) - activating 9 degrees of Virgo and Sagittarius. Cut through obstacles in your path with mental clarity and emotional calm. Your mental universe is abuzz during the Sun-Mercury Superior Conjunction (9:50PM PDT) at 9 degrees of Virgo. You can think of this as a ""Full Mercury"" - with the Earth, Sun and Mercury lined up in the solar system, and Mercury on the far side of the Sun, but moving at top speed. Ingenious ideas flash through your mind like meteors lighting up the night sky. Research, reading and writing receive the thumb's-up sign."

...and all this time I though that the activation of 9 degrees of Virgo and Sagittarius only manifested itself in the Second Quarter of Sun-Moon Phase. Also in case you're confused, PDT is 10 hours behind Beirut Time.

Hal Balad

"Hal Balad" is the most bitched about thing around here. This expression is always used in a culpatory tone. Whenever you need to highlight a flaw in this country, and we have a handful of those around, you blame it all on "Hal Balad."

You cant' find a job in "Hal Balad."...People in "Hal Balad" are full of crap..."Hal Balad" is all about corruption...The humidity in "Hal Balad" is unbearable...

I hate thee people that use this expression. Not because of your incessant whining, nor because of your criticism of my beloved country, but for the helpless guilt free victim image that you have of yourself.

"Hal Balad" is nothing but a reflection of your sorry ass. You pass your sense of irresponsibility to those you empower to roam free with no worry of accountability.

Then there are those who romanticize "Hal Balad" and fantacize about"Hal Balad" from afar. Sure you all love "Hal Balad", the summer vacation one night stand kind of love, that is why you abandon it at the drop of a Dirham. "Hal Balad" is not your Balad. Your "Hal Balad" is a farce.

"Hal Balad" today is bleeding, almost dead. I say we finish it off and bury it deep. Let's build our Lebanon instead.

Crashing Back into Normalcy

I live off one of the most traffic accident prone intersections in Beirut. The traffic congestion in the area prevents high speed driving and thus limits injuries caused by these crashes. But the vocal blame fights between the drivers after such incidents have been known to puncture a few ear drums.

Last night was no different. A speeding tinted windows Mercedes slammed into an arrogantly-strutting-its-trunk-in-the-middle-of-the-street Peugeot. The druzetache sporting driver of the Mercedes stepped out of the car and told the other car owner not to worry; the Mercedes is Walid Beik’s and his insurance will take care of everything. The Mercedes was pretty slick, which reminded me of a conversation I had with a friend that the MTV crew should have a go at the Lebanese zaeems’ Cribs.

Move over Dr. Dre, here comes Dr. Geagea’s Arz estate, and he has prison creds too. Hassan Nasrallah’s crib has been reduced to a radioactive pile of rubble, but his charred motorcade is a perfect candidate for Pimp My Ride; a Manar Studio in the back seat, a Zelzal under the hood. On to Qoraytem where you’ll find a 7 meter wide life size poster of the Martyr on every wall of every room and a 1700 men strong security force guarding a house that is completely empty eleven months out of the year. In Rabieh, you’ll see the navel room, the afandi room, the tangerine room, the Clementine room, the Balkis room, the fresh squeezed room, etc…

In other Zaeem houses (without naming names to avoid lawsuits) you should pay particular attention as you might be able to spot your neighbor’s chandelier, your great grandmother’s long lost grandfather’s clock, uncle Joe’s 1975 Citroen amongst other loot that didn’t cross our soon to be closed borders during the past 2 decades.

Off the Internet

Here's a little article I found about blogging from Beirut during Olmert's angry days.