Friday, March 24, 2006

Inta Meen?

Titles are all the rage in this country. It would be blasphemous to be called by the Title your loving parents spent a lot of time and energy researching and carefully selecting to fit you. (This doesn't apply to our Shia brethren. Your name was chosen by a coin flip. Heads=Hussein/Fatmeh. Tails=Ali/Zainab.)

You don't really have to earn a title to claim it. As soon as you set foot in a hospital you'll be known as Doctor, even if you're a male nurse. Grab a mike and show some tits and you're an Artist . Grab a Mike, Show Tits, and Shake them and you're a Star Artist. Grab a Mike , Show Tits, and Shake them when you're pushing 100, and you're a legend.

Write the obits in the paper and you're a Philosopher. Go to Saudi Arabia and you'll be christened as Hajj. If your great great great^100 grandfather died in Karbala, you are a Sayyed. Coincidentally if you die in Karbala today you are collateral damage. Things aren't what they used to be. On that subject, if your grandfather used to toss Turkish salad you are a Beik or a Mir, these days if you toss Turkish salad, you're a Fag.

So what happens when you merge 2 political parties with 2 different presidents? Does one of them, God forbid, lose his title? Of course they both stay as president, you just tag one of them High President.

The more titles you have, the better person you are. So naturally a man who is a General, a President, a Zaeem, a Parliamentarian, and a Midget makes the best candidate for the highest office in the country.

Let's not forget the King of Taouk and the Sheikh of Shawarma, it sure beats sandwich wrapper.

So How many titles can you claim?

16 comments:

Fouad said...

hahahahahahahaha... brilliant jamal!
you should have a newspaper or radio outlet. you remind me so of george jirdak, God bless him.

Doha said...

I like this title:

Fakhamit Al-Ra'ees Al-Imad Lahoud,

Ra'ess Kitlet Al-Islah wal Taghyeer Al-Niyabiyya Dawlet Al-Ra'ees Al-Imad Aoun,

Ra'ees Kitlet Al-Mustaqbal Al-Niyabiyya Al-Sheikh Saad Hariri,

Ra'ees Al-Likaa Al-Dimocratee Al-Wazeer Al-Sabiq Al-Na'ib Walid Jumblatt Beyk,

Ameen Am Hizbullah Al-Sayyid Hassan Nasrallah,

etc...

It's amazing how all the previous titles of these people just stick around, never to be dropped.

It's also similar to leaders of other Arab countries, where former Generals-turned Presidents carry both titles.

The funniest one is that from Morocco, the King's title starts with "Ameen Al-Mou'mineen".

Bashir said...

His Imperial Majesty Haila Sielasi Ever Liveth Ever Fearful Jah Rastafa...

Lazarus said...

hehe, eh i agree with fouad. damn hilarious!

bashir said...

and we also have 1551 'na2eb sabek' x-officio-parliametarians (5 in the eyes of the devil) getting pay checks from taxes we (+I) pay...

Aounopolis said...

el batrak sleiman franjieh

Dr Victorino de la Vega said...

"If your great great great^100 grandfather died in Karbala, you are a Sayyed. Coincidentally if you die in Karbala today you are collateral damage"

Dude, you're a genius

Eve said...

try googling "شيخ المدونين" & check how many bloggers have earned this title.. even in the blogosphere :P

Abdul Rahman Hilmi said...

Let's not forget His Excellency President for Life, Field Marshal Al Hadji Doctor Idi Amin, VC, DSO, MC, Lord of All the Beasts of the Earth and Fishes of the Sea, and Conqueror of the British Empire in Africa in General and Uganda in Particular.

And this is not a joke, this guy actually did call himself the above title. He's also known to have had worn so many medals his shirt would usually rip.

desmond said...

Sheer poetry.

Hassan said...

Ra2ees Lijnat Al-ta7kik Al-dowaliah fi jarimat 2ightiyal al-ra2ees al-shaheed al-sheikh rafic al-hariri wa rifakoh al kadi al-almani deitlev mehlis

euroarabe said...

too hilarious.

barabas said...

Maybe i would've found ur article suitable had u not criticised the Shieats(i am not,so don't think i'm defending them out of prejudeus) .
Like Sunaites and Catholics and others don't name after religious figures ?
Well ,the true nosia of our society arn't people with titles ,but people like urself

Jamal said...

Fouad- so you read al al shabake?

bashir- i once accidentally saw the file of a na2eb sabek, he had adopted all his nieces and nephew so they can collect paychecks too.

the rest- try saying "ghobtat al batriark al marouni al cardinal mar nasrallah boutros sfeir" as some who can't pronounce the "r"

barabas- I didn't critize the shieats. i poked fun and laughed at the shieats, but that doesn't mean I don't love them.

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