Thursday, March 02, 2006

Lebanese Sausage Fest - Day 1

Where are the women at?

What sort of national dialogue excludes half of the nation?

You want to hear something funny? Technically, the person representing me at the round table is Elie Skaff.
I can rest assured my voice(well, an incomprehensible mumbling noise) will be heard.

In 2 or 3 days, this conference will be declared a success by most because they will name who will be democratically elected as President, they will declare Syria a friend, and Israel an enemy.
"مطرح ما خري شنقوه" I'm not sure this saying makes any logical sense, but I feel it fits this situation.

Here are questions that should be on the agenda but aren't:

  • Isteez, Thanks for hosting this event, You da man. Now where was the South Council's money spent? Oh, you spent it under duress from a Randa just like some people were coerced to vote a certain way. Ok, that's fair.
  • Hajj, how will Beirut 1 save us, throw me some figures, I'm pretty good with numbers? The government should handle it behind closed doors, because you don't want to burden the people with more financial worries than they already have. How noble.
  • Mahsoubak, the slogans are all nice and pretty, but what is your strategic plan? Lebanon First, Lebanon First, Lebanon First.
  • Sayyed, what do you have against Dabke and Fayrouz? So fighting Zionsim and Imperialism is a priority, but why do we all have to wear black.
  • General, you are accused of being stubborn, can you accept compromise? As long as it is like the Pierre Dakkash compromise.
  • Beik, smoke, snort, or shoot? All of the above, that explains a lot.
  • Doc, Why is the presidency yours? Sorry, put your gun down, I was just kidding.
  • Sheikh, Why is the presidency yours? Yeah, I think it's pretty clear you kiss everyone's cheeks.
  • Mr. President, your presidential term between 1982 and 1988 was one of the worst 6 year stretches in the history of Lebanon, aren't you ashamed to show your face? No.
  • Mr. Tuweini, Mr. Tuweini, Mr. Tuweini!
  • Agop, I know there is no gender differentiation in the Armenian language, but how hard is it to call a dude a dude , and a chick a chick? You do it on purpose just to fuck with people. I like it.
  • Mr. Murr, Mr. Safadi, and Mr. Saad, you know you're just here to make the table look full?
  • Mr. Skaff, can you spell CAT? ooooh, so close.


Fouad said...

Jamal, YOU da man. :)

Anonymous said...

You're just TOO much!


Mustapha said...

So I guess I'm not the only one who noticed that this is a sausage fest (a.k.a hardware store)

MS.D said...

go there and take a seat!!!

Ramzi said...

Sexism jibe aside (aren't these issues gender-blind?), your comical dramatization is what I hope will happen.
I don't want to compromise or concede on any of the issues discussed!

I want an international court.
I want Lebanese civilians weapon-free.
I want the Syrian regime to wake up and smell the change.

Lazarus said...

hilarious! (if only it wasn't true :) )

Dr Victorino de la Vega said...

I’m afraid Mount Lebanon’s favorite Melchite Maoist Maverick ™ sums it up pretty well…

How can it be otherwise when most of the “representatives” sitting around the table are spineless appointees of his goateed Wahhabi highness, who became MPs under the guise of an illegal electoral law cooked in 2000 in the dirty mukhabarât kitchens of Riyadh and Damascus??

jij said...

Man you're funny.
Keep it up.

Eve said...

Personally, I'm enjoying these days a lot: great walking car-free spaces once I leave the office :p !

Anonymous said...

When was the last time the Sayyed stopped your dabke?