Tuesday, June 20, 2006

A's to Q's

Kodder the gutter minded blogger asks: What is your favorite position?

I follow the Jumblatt school of thought on positions. Years ago, Kamal Sutra Jumblatt traveled to India seeking spiritual enlightenment and while at the Mumbai Barnes and Noble he picked up a book. A young Walid came across this book and was heavily influenced by it. When he grew up he decided to apply this book's philosophy to politics. That is why you see him today trying a different position every day: for, against, dishing it, taking it, on top, face down, on the side, but most of the time just wacking off.
That's where I stand, I hope that answers your question you sicko.

Laila asks: Shu derij hal iyyem? (What's in these days?)

Shame on you! You call yourself Lebanese? You should know this question is forbidden in Lebanon. We don't ask, "What's In?" We are genetically designed (by the best Italian genetic designer) to always know "What's In." Of course, I can't share that answer with anyone because then everyoone will be A La Mode, and I won't be able to criticize them for being Passe and Unlebanese.

For your effort you do get the Ras El 3abed which is so not Derij. You will have to pay for shipping and handling though. I will ask Lipos, the worst named corporate marketing mascot in the history of badly named corporate marketing mascots, how much it costs to ship a box of Lebanese grease to Massaasssachusssssetttssssss.

Mgh asks: Will Lebanon ever become the Orient's Switzerland again?

At the right angle and with favorable lighting, yes. But the question is who wants to be like Switzerland? How boring is that?

Agy asks about the nicest bikini on the beach and where I saw it.

I was at La Guava in Rmeileh yesterday and there were plenty of nice bikinis, but the nicest was this black Victoria's Secret with a strapless top. The bottom was filled up in a way that would put J Lo to shame. I think that's as far as I can go without getting in too much trouble. But I do hear Eddeh Sands is the Best in Show.

Amal asks: Emta Raji3?

Kariban jiddan jiddan jiddan.

Mgh again asks are Shib3a farms Lebanese or Syrian?

Right now the Israeli flag flies there. Since that's not option, we'll have to take it down and see what happens. If a Syrian flag rises, then they are clearly Syrian. Now if A Barazilian, German, Italian, Argentinean, and English flag go up, then they're clearly Lebanese.

Hilal wants my opinion of General Orange's cleanliness.

I say of course he's clean , but not by choice. There just is no loot to be had when you are constantly on the losing end of wars. Currently, he once again finds himself on the outside looking in on all the fun being had, but I have a feeling he'll have his chance soon. Let's see if he can resist the generosity of Shaab Lubnan el Atheem who's willing to fall in 2 years' income worth of debt just to please their leaders.

Eve asks: what is the thing that made you decide to leave everything behind and return to Lebanon?

I longed for the smell of Cedars in the morning, that is why I moved to El Hamra.

Thank you all for your questions. If you still want cheap candy you can try again later.


Lazarus said...

hahaha. hilarious!

hillz said...

heik 36ayta ras el3abed..? meshy ya isteiz...inta mamnoo3 min dokhoool mazere3 shouman..

Kodder said...

yeah it answered my question :P

Kodder said...

I just read Eve's comment with the questions (that you answered).

I always hated the name Ras el Abed, as Abed pointing to someone from african origins
for non lebanese Abed = Slave

then I thought they should just say it, Ras El Aswad...then I changed my mind.
Ras El Abed sounds much much better.


aroundtheclock24_7 said...

"Now if A Barazilian, German, Italian, Argentinean, and English flag go up, then they're clearly Lebanese." hehehehehehe just a great way of expressing what i wanted to say since my visit hehehehehe ;)

MGH said...

Well thank you for your brilliant answers !

Wil said...

"Now if A Barazilian, German, Italian, Argentinean, and English flag go up, then they're clearly Lebanese." Best I heard in years!

agy said...

Thanks for the answer! I was told that Lebanese women have recently dicovered that thongs can be worn as swimsuits! I was just curious to know where.

JoseyWales said...

Bwaaahahahah. Excellent Jam.

BTW, Shebaa is "BarAzilian".

Kodder said...

agy yeah, Oceana and Edde Sands.

euroarabe said...

Kamal Sutra Jumblatt!! hilarious!

Zanzounito said...

very clever :)

AbdulKarim said...

Hilarious as usual:)

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