Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Angry Olmert Day 14

Since a ceasefire seems to be frowned upon by the whole universe, a.k.a the Bush Regime, it's time to make the necessary lifestyle adjustments to withstand a long battle. With bread prices going up and liquor prices going down some choices are too obvious. Other decisions, however, aren't quite as easy.

When commuting, for example, the only variables to consider used to be traffic congestion and the parking situation at your destination. Now you have to monitor truck activity, plan a route that minimizes bridge usage, plan a route that actually still exists, factor in the gas consumption index since what is burnt might not be easily replaced, and then scrap it all and stay put since no commute is worth getting killed by a precision phosphorus bomb.

Another daily dilemma is how to budget your Gillette Super Turbo Mach 3's with gooey stuff. Shaving must become less frequent, but you have to make sure you don't let it go a day too long for the obvious reason that Olmert is too eager these days to show his people pictures of dead bearded men.

More on these issues in the coming days, but can someone please explain to me what the heck does a post-menopausal virgin know about birth pangs!

25 comments:

lostbird said...

Jamal, ton fabuleux sens de l'humour revient en douceur. Merci.

Ronen said...

Just wanted to know - if Olmert wants to see dead bearded people who wants to see 15 year old arab girl in the village of mraar?

B.T.W - following your inspiring speaches in the last couple of days. It seems that reality is not as you see it - Bint gbeil is held by the IDF and it is now continuing. according to HA they have lost 25 guys, according to other, more reliable less biased sources we are talking about 100-200 dead HA assholes. So don't worry, no one is looking for your beard, maybe just the shiite girls....

mikealpha said...

Your war experience doesnt seem to have caused you to re-examine any of your beliefs. Perhaps when you run out shaving cream... ?

mikealpha said...

Maybe you'll start to think a bit about Nasrallah's wisdom when you suffer the horror of running out of shaving cream... ?

Achillea said...

Since a ceasefire seems to be frowned upon by the whole universe, a.k.a the Bush Regime

Nope, just by Nabih Berri. Condi brought a ceasefire offer from the Bush administration. He refused it. So much for shaving cream. Sucks to be you.

israsaar said...

dear jamal,
i really like u, and because of that i told my soldier brother to bring you mach 3 turbo, when he goona meet you in beirut.
if u need new home, i invite u to come to hertzeliya, israel.
its safe, sun, fun , girls, all u need is here.
take care, say hi to my bro...

What is "Occupation" said...

stated: Angry Olmert Day 14

you may be right, but how dare jews get pissed when you shoot rockets over an international border, kill 8, and kipnap 2? happy? jovial? filled with love?

stated: Since a ceasefire seems to be frowned upon by the whole universe, a.k.a the Bush Regime.

hezbollah doesnt want a ceasefire, let alone a peace treaty, personallyt it's time to teach hezbollah and you a lesson in reality...

KILL JEWS, expect your universe to crumble. PERIOD

stated: it's time to make the necessary lifestyle adjustments to withstand a long battle.

actually MOST of Lebanon has been spared, just the slums of beirut and 20 or so towns of the shia infested areas. But you might have to LIVE with your poorer shia cousins, that might be tuff sharing those lovely villas with...

stated: With bread prices going up and liquor prices going down some choices are too obvious.

Dont worry your shia / hezzie cousins dont drink booze, so the supply should be ok, if your cousins dont behead you for wanting to drink...

stated: scrap it all and stay put since no commute is worth getting killed by a precision phosphorus bomb.

you really think israel wants to waste an expensive precision phosphorus bomb on your worthless ass? I thought the jews were cheap, why not just use a daisy cutter or a napalm? but a million dollar precision weapon on a simple family? naw, not worth the busks...

stated: how to budget your Gillette Super Turbo Mach 3's with gooey stuff.

you wont need razors when your shia cousins take over....

stated: Olmert is too eager these days to show his people pictures of dead bearded men.

actually israel, unlike the arab/islamic world does not show dead bodies as a practice.... are you projecting again? watching al-jeezra on sat tv?

Stated: post-menopausal virgin know about birth pangs!

could you tell us do women marytrs or shahids get 72 male virgins in heaven also?

Kodder said...

Dude Jamal you rock.
I pitty them and their false news :).
you rock dude. keep up the good work. :)

a h m a d said...

Man, I am addicted to your blog and to your diary about war! Hilarious! :)

jij said...

jamal, that post will go down as a classic

jooj said...

Jamal, you never fail to put a smile on my face.

Just to let you know, your recent posts have been a topic of discussion with a few of my Canadian colleagues who read your blog. Better yet, they are getting more subtly informed about the situation in Lebanon.

Take care!

Leila said...

How do you know she's a virgin? She was reported to have referred to Dubya as "my husband", in full hearing of a room full of people at dinner with her. They're still snarking about it on the leftie blogs. The gossip magazines say Laura Bush hates her with a passion, because she's having an affair with Bush. But yes, she has no children, so she doesn't know about real labor pains, does she?

This spring (2006) there was a big anti-war march in Iraq, and I heard the Code Pink guerrilla ladies for peace chanting:

"Condi, Condi, Condi Rice!
Your policies suck but your shoes are nice!"

3 days after Katrina, when New Orleans was drowning, Rice descended upon New York City on her vacation, to do some shopping. An angry New Yorker confronted her at Ferragamo in midtown: "What are you doing here buying shoes? People are drowning in New Orleans! Why are you on vacation?" The security hustled the angry person out and Rice went on to her appointment at a couture dressmaker across town (De La Renta or one of those guys).

However the press reported it and people remember it. I do. Hence the chant 8 months later...

That birth pangs comment makes me swear. I hope I live long enough to see her called to account for her crimes - and the rest of them, too.

Leila said...

anti-war march was in New York, protesting war in Iraq, my mistake - that's where the chant came from, New York City, a town full of rebels and peaceniks with balls.

Maxwell said...

the peace treaty brought were simply imposed conditions. Negotion is the key. You have to have a cease-fire before you get any conditions. In fact, that is the plan of the UN.

Jamal, hang in there. You're posts have been right on. It is astounding that so many people in Israel are willing to inflict such pain, and likely for nothing. You've been saying the would accomplish nothing, and that has been the case. I looked at the places they claim to have captured. Could have rode a bike there.

My fear id this will hurt America's pride so much that Bush will go nuts. I really am afraid of that. Israel is crazy enough to use nukes!

I went to a demonstration the other day. And I called Hillary Clinton to tell her how outraged I was she is supporting this.

eli said...

Nasrallah on TV last night: "the Hezbollah attack n 12 July was a preemptive strike designed to repel a planned Israeli attack on Lebanon in 2 months…"

Was the man awake when he spoke, or just high on drugs???

Jamal my friend: hang on there; and while you 're at it, thank Nasrallah every morning for reckless play with gunpowder.

Ronen said...

Maxwell you have just had a wonderful Idea. Why don’t you take the first plain to Israel and start a bike trip from the Israel-Lebanon border to Bint Gbel. I promise that if you would do so I would help you with all of the necessary arrangements (including the open coffin and flowers).

Ronen said...

Hypocrisy

Didn't hear a word about the hypocrisy behind this silly threat made by a minister of the Lebanese government...

EDB said...

Great post, Jamal. As you know I think the bitter sarcasm makes it all a bit more bearable. Also, my family expects me to have grown a beard by the time I get home.

Solomon2 said...

Hizbollah vowed not to accept "humiliating" truce terms

Anything that "humiliates" Hezbollah - meaning Nasrallah and his supporters - is out. What chance for Lebanon as long as Nasrallah lives?

Maxwell said...

There's still time to stop this. I know the mossad trolls this blog, so let me propose this: Isn't it clear that Israel and Lebanon are being used as pawns in a devastating chess match between Washington and Iran? Hmm..How much more clear could it be?

Still in US, you have (now clearly the minority) "Israel has a right to defend itself." I would translate that: "Israel has a right to provide cover for US designs on the region." or "Israel willingly provides battlefield for US war on Iran." And what about the Lebanese? Don't you find it odd that the US is willing to destroy a country it says it supports?

Good trick: the more anti-war party is also the jewish aipac party. Oh, no what do we do? Well, we can't offend AIPAC.

Do you want it to escalate? Can't you see that is my countries desire to control all the resources of the planet, and then let everyone who isn't the right shade of pale die poor?

Why are there depleted Uranium munitions being used? Now the cancer rate will likely go up.

And white phosphorous? And bombing UN? Getting desperate? "destroy the town to save it." And all we get is misery.

Organize. Don't be afraid of phony anti-semitism allegations. Shame on Hillary Clinton.

Dr Victorino de la Vega said...

“[Prime Minister] Fuad Sanyoura gives Rice a huggy-huggy and a kissy-kissy in this photo from Assafir. What is this all about?” asked a leading Lebanese resistant.

As the man famously said on June 23, 1942:
The last veils behind which enemies and traitors operated have been torn apart. The stakes are clear for each and every citizen of our nation: the outcome of that war will be complete independence or eternal slavery. […] I am confident that we shall prevail … and that traitors [in government] who collaborate with our enemies will be punished…Such a victory is worth all the efforts and sacrifices we are making today

Maxwell said...

Jamal! Get this article from the Jeruselum post at Buzzflash.com. (Soory, don't know the trick of posting links) "Donald Rumsfeld is considering provoking Syria into battle through a confrontation with Hezzballah militants in Lebanon." from 2004. It was pre-planned!

Maxwell said...

Jamal: Apparently, the Norwegians have made a cartoon comparing Olmert to a nazi. It was reportedin BBC. But they didn't show it. And I don't know if we are even allowed to see it in this land of freedom.

The Rational Idealist said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Rebel said...

Jamal bro, keep up the good work. Don't mind zionists visiting your site and their harsh comments, for all they are trying to do is discourage/break you from providing the reality which many don't get to see overseas because of biased propaganda. Your Jihad in providing the truth is obviously working. Allah Hu Akbar!