The Arguile Delivery Guy
Driving in Lebanon is dangerous.
Riding a scooter in Lebanon is only for stunt lovers and thrill seekers.
Riding a scooter in Lebanon with a glass and metal khazouk clutched in your crotch is complete insanity.
The Arguile Deliver Guy kicks it up a notch. He does the completely insane one-handed while playing with balls of fire with his free hand.
Admirably, he does all this purely out of his passion for smoking high delivery and love of pyromania. It can't possibly be for the money, as each performance in which he risks his life and all those along his path is done for a mere 2000LL ($1.33).
Next time you see a scooter flying down the road with a tail of fire tracing it. Get out of his way, seek shelter, and then applaud this great Lebanese tradition.
Monday, February 13, 2006
Saturday, February 11, 2006
Religion Lesson
I'm no expert on Islam but I do know this. The Prophet Mohammad, the greatest man to ever live (I'll pimp up my genealogy ,why not), chose not to be iconized so that people don't idolize him, a mere man.
So in Islam, No man should be idolized, even Mohammad himself.
So what have Muslim leaders done to follow the prophet's example?
Money icons.
Billboards.
and Swimsuit calendars.
Well, I leave you trying to picture Hassan Nasrallah in Speedos.
So in Islam, No man should be idolized, even Mohammad himself.
So what have Muslim leaders done to follow the prophet's example?
Money icons.
Billboards.
and Swimsuit calendars.
Well, I leave you trying to picture Hassan Nasrallah in Speedos.
Friday, February 10, 2006
On Second Thought... BOYCOTT DENMARK!!!!
Well not KDD's Passion Fruit Juice or LEGO, but do boycott their dairy products.
First, I had to survey the supermarket aisles for alernatives before I decided on that.
After a week of taste testing and 2 kilos gained, I have reached the conclusion that we should boycott Lurpak, Puck, and Dano not because of some silly doodles, but because we have better alternatives MADE IN LEBANON.
Addicted to Lurpak, I suggest you try Zibdet Jarjoura El Mashhoura Made in Chtaura. Tastier, Cheaper, and Fresh.
Havarti Cheese!? You probably never had it, who are you kidding. We have Halloum, Akkawi, Baladi, Karishe, etc.... Don't worry. You'll get you'll cheese fix. Jdita Products are A++.
Who still drinks powdered milk? We drank it during the war because there was no way to get fresh milk. Go to Taanayel, they'll let you suck the milk straight out of the cow's tit.
Don't Boycott Lebanon.
First, I had to survey the supermarket aisles for alernatives before I decided on that.
After a week of taste testing and 2 kilos gained, I have reached the conclusion that we should boycott Lurpak, Puck, and Dano not because of some silly doodles, but because we have better alternatives MADE IN LEBANON.
Addicted to Lurpak, I suggest you try Zibdet Jarjoura El Mashhoura Made in Chtaura. Tastier, Cheaper, and Fresh.
Havarti Cheese!? You probably never had it, who are you kidding. We have Halloum, Akkawi, Baladi, Karishe, etc.... Don't worry. You'll get you'll cheese fix. Jdita Products are A++.
Who still drinks powdered milk? We drank it during the war because there was no way to get fresh milk. Go to Taanayel, they'll let you suck the milk straight out of the cow's tit.
Don't Boycott Lebanon.
Thursday, February 09, 2006
The Death of March 14th
1.5 Million people carried the same flag. 1.5 Million marched hand in hand. It was an unprecedented show of unity, a strong foundation to build a country on.
What went wrong? How did we blow this opportunity?
Here are some observations to take into consideration the next time an opportunity presents itself.
1. Leave politics out of it. When we took to the streets we weren't thinking about cabinet quotas or parliament seats. It wasn't about Leftist or Rightist economics. It was about independence, it was about freedom, and it was about building a Nation. That's what the people asked for and that's what the politicians are supposed to deliver. Keep it in mind next time.
2. Forget Revenge. He who angers you becomes your master.-Epictetus. All of the official action throughout the last year was out of anger. The obsession with revenge made us incapable of moving forward with what we need and what is good for us. We couldn't hold out enough on our urges to become masters of our domain.
3. Leadership and Nepotism don't mix. Leaderships skills are not passed on in wills. Political savvy is not acquired overnight. We can respect a man's legacy in ways other than pledging allegiance to his son. We need decisiveness and control to bake a cake. Building a country is a lot more complex.
4. Do not try to Cancel others. We are diverse. Different backgrounds, different traditions. That is our strength. When I go from Ras Beirut to Dhahieh to Ashrafieh, it's like visiting 3 different countries within a 2 mile radius. This is a good thing. This is Lebanon.
5. Avoid Greed. Election season came and the nation building turned into a math problem. Bad election law, number-based alliances, and limitless greed was a huge spit in the face of those who were holding hands on March 14th.
6. Set Priorities right. You may refer to Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs for that. When I'm hungry I don't think straight, I'm sure most people like to eat too. Not being blown up is also kind of important. Having cool friends and looking pretty are not on our minds right now.
7. Don't make promises you can't keep. Not to your mom. Not the neighborhood bully. Certainly, not to both at the same time. Gino might come and bail you out, but then you become his bitch and if you say anything he'll break your legs.
8. Fix Mistakes. Humans make mistakes, tons of them. Some make more mistake than others, but there's no shame in that. So be Human and admit your mistakes. Everything is fixable, well some things cannot be fixed but they are replaceable.
What went wrong? How did we blow this opportunity?
Here are some observations to take into consideration the next time an opportunity presents itself.
1. Leave politics out of it. When we took to the streets we weren't thinking about cabinet quotas or parliament seats. It wasn't about Leftist or Rightist economics. It was about independence, it was about freedom, and it was about building a Nation. That's what the people asked for and that's what the politicians are supposed to deliver. Keep it in mind next time.
2. Forget Revenge. He who angers you becomes your master.-Epictetus. All of the official action throughout the last year was out of anger. The obsession with revenge made us incapable of moving forward with what we need and what is good for us. We couldn't hold out enough on our urges to become masters of our domain.
3. Leadership and Nepotism don't mix. Leaderships skills are not passed on in wills. Political savvy is not acquired overnight. We can respect a man's legacy in ways other than pledging allegiance to his son. We need decisiveness and control to bake a cake. Building a country is a lot more complex.
4. Do not try to Cancel others. We are diverse. Different backgrounds, different traditions. That is our strength. When I go from Ras Beirut to Dhahieh to Ashrafieh, it's like visiting 3 different countries within a 2 mile radius. This is a good thing. This is Lebanon.
5. Avoid Greed. Election season came and the nation building turned into a math problem. Bad election law, number-based alliances, and limitless greed was a huge spit in the face of those who were holding hands on March 14th.
6. Set Priorities right. You may refer to Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs for that. When I'm hungry I don't think straight, I'm sure most people like to eat too. Not being blown up is also kind of important. Having cool friends and looking pretty are not on our minds right now.
7. Don't make promises you can't keep. Not to your mom. Not the neighborhood bully. Certainly, not to both at the same time. Gino might come and bail you out, but then you become his bitch and if you say anything he'll break your legs.
8. Fix Mistakes. Humans make mistakes, tons of them. Some make more mistake than others, but there's no shame in that. So be Human and admit your mistakes. Everything is fixable, well some things cannot be fixed but they are replaceable.
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
Weather Update
Yesterday I bragged about the weather of the last few days. It was 17-20 degrees and not a cloud in the sky.
Well, this is what it looks like right now in Beirut.
Well, this is what it looks like right now in Beirut.
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
From Lebanon IIIII or IIIIII (I lost track)
"Tozz"
An effortless, magnificent, efficient, martial arts move.
A "Tozz"'s pleasure is how it automatically twitches the face of a braggart into a look of disappointment and anger.
A gravitational pull brings things down back to earth. A "Tozz" brings them crashing down, humiliated, buries them, and pisses on them. No matter how high you get you are always within reach for a "Tozz." Actually a "Tozz" relishes the extra height.
The keys to a perfect "Tozz" are timing and delivery. Wait for it, do not force it, but always be ready to perform. Too many "Tozz"s can weaken its effect so invest them wisely.
Yet another proud tradition from my rich land; "Tozz."
An effortless, magnificent, efficient, martial arts move.
A "Tozz"'s pleasure is how it automatically twitches the face of a braggart into a look of disappointment and anger.
A gravitational pull brings things down back to earth. A "Tozz" brings them crashing down, humiliated, buries them, and pisses on them. No matter how high you get you are always within reach for a "Tozz." Actually a "Tozz" relishes the extra height.
The keys to a perfect "Tozz" are timing and delivery. Wait for it, do not force it, but always be ready to perform. Too many "Tozz"s can weaken its effect so invest them wisely.
Yet another proud tradition from my rich land; "Tozz."
How Cute!
The giggling the blushing, just like two virgins on their wedding night. They finally consummated their flirtation. It's always a positive sign when different parties get together on their own and reach agreements on how to build this country. However, we've seen this before and it always ends up being just cock teasing. Also given the sectarian nature of the makeup of the country, this will be used as fuel for more divisions.
I'm no Michel Hayek, but the recent events have provided fertile ground for another assassination. I'd love to be wrong on this one, but I think the next one might be messy.
The weather has been BEAUTIFUL the last 3 days.
I'm no Michel Hayek, but the recent events have provided fertile ground for another assassination. I'd love to be wrong on this one, but I think the next one might be messy.
The weather has been BEAUTIFUL the last 3 days.
Monday, February 06, 2006
WRONG WAY!
Today we are further away from National Unity then we have EVER been. Bold Statement, but sadly it is the Truth. Just not the Truth we've been looking for or one we've been wanting to hear. I grew up in the 80's and early 90's in Chtaura, a rest stop on the Beirut- Damascus Road. It's a diverse community (by diverse I mean same race and same nationality) that was relatively untouched by the war. Sure, there was an air raid here an air raid there, some 155mm and 240mm showers every once in a while, but the people of Chtaura never fired at anyone or at each other. We all had the same sports idols, went to the same school, and watched the same TV channel. Then the civil war ended.
12 years later I go back to the same town. I see pictures of despicable people hanging on the wall, Politicians! Sectarian Zaeems, What a nightmare. That was in 2004, sectarian cocooning was at an all time high. Different idols, different schools, different TV channels.
In 2005 and 2006 we are still becoming less tolerant. In this month's issue of Ii Monthly (a publication by Information International), my negative assessment of the street is translated into scientific proof. They conduct a poll of Lebanese college students' opinion on various issues relating to religious tolerance. I will not post the exact figures due to copyright laws and to avoid a pissing match over whose college is more bigoted than whose, but the questions were about living in a religiously mixed community, marrying out of species, and befriending an infidel. The numbers were puke inducing. College students! Where does that leave the "uneducated masses"?? Just for fun, they also compared the Summer of 2005 results to those of 2002. Yep, we are heading the Wrong Way.
We worry about Syria, Israel, Palestinian weapons outside of camps, Debt, unemployment, the Tehran coalition, the Washington empire, this or that day in March. That is worrying about a cold when you have cancer. Sectarianism is the Cancer we suffer from, until we treat it all the other problems are irrelevant. National Unity will always be just an elusive dream with this cancer paralyzing the country. We have this post-burrito turd in the middle of the room and we wonder what stinks. We have to take the shit out at once and then worry about the odors it left.
WE have to do it. WE as in the people. WE have to do it because our politicians will never do it for us. They are the pesky bugs who love roaming over shit. They feed off of Shit, they grow on Shit. "You are what you eat", so that makes them Shit Eating Shit.
Let's do this!
12 years later I go back to the same town. I see pictures of despicable people hanging on the wall, Politicians! Sectarian Zaeems, What a nightmare. That was in 2004, sectarian cocooning was at an all time high. Different idols, different schools, different TV channels.
In 2005 and 2006 we are still becoming less tolerant. In this month's issue of Ii Monthly (a publication by Information International), my negative assessment of the street is translated into scientific proof. They conduct a poll of Lebanese college students' opinion on various issues relating to religious tolerance. I will not post the exact figures due to copyright laws and to avoid a pissing match over whose college is more bigoted than whose, but the questions were about living in a religiously mixed community, marrying out of species, and befriending an infidel. The numbers were puke inducing. College students! Where does that leave the "uneducated masses"?? Just for fun, they also compared the Summer of 2005 results to those of 2002. Yep, we are heading the Wrong Way.
We worry about Syria, Israel, Palestinian weapons outside of camps, Debt, unemployment, the Tehran coalition, the Washington empire, this or that day in March. That is worrying about a cold when you have cancer. Sectarianism is the Cancer we suffer from, until we treat it all the other problems are irrelevant. National Unity will always be just an elusive dream with this cancer paralyzing the country. We have this post-burrito turd in the middle of the room and we wonder what stinks. We have to take the shit out at once and then worry about the odors it left.
WE have to do it. WE as in the people. WE have to do it because our politicians will never do it for us. They are the pesky bugs who love roaming over shit. They feed off of Shit, they grow on Shit. "You are what you eat", so that makes them Shit Eating Shit.
Let's do this!
Sunday, February 05, 2006
Shameful
Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us. Shame on Us.
Friday, February 03, 2006
Thursday, February 02, 2006
Quoted on Elaph
Paraphrased and Out of context, but I was quoted as a passer by in Issam Sahmarani's piece on Shabeb Khayef A Watano in Elaph.com. In Issam's defense, I wouldn't shut up, I ranted on and on and on and on.
We're Movin' on Up, .... and Out
Beirut is alive. Traffic jams all over town. People buzzing at all times of day and night. The human activity is comparable to any major city in the world. Just don't look up. The life at street level never goes above it. It migrates North, South, East, and West; but never up.
A lot of office building around town, old and new, but not many offices. I did a consulting job for a food outlet in Downtown last year, and I naively searched for the business lunch crowd. Crowd! Ha! That was stupid of me. There were 1200 office workers in Solidere (ou
tside of ESCWA). I'm not sure what the total built-up area of Solidere is, but it's safe to say that one office worker per 50, 60, 0r 100 square meters does not constitute a crowd. The scene is cloned in the other business districts around town: Ashrafieh, Hamra, etc... 
But enough negativity already, at least we are living at Street Level now. It sure beats the time when Life in Beirut was below ground level.
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
Antelias-Jal El Dib-Dora
Holy Shit! Sweet Mary mother of Jesus! Bismillah El Rahman El Raheem! We're gonna die. Fuck. No, Fuck you! Bang. Basita, no one is hurt. Why is the airbag light on? Why is there a cement lane divider in the middle of a lane? Your momma. Geronimoooo. You can open your eyes now. Maybe not. Khalleek 3al Pax. Screeaach and another bang. Fender bender. Animal! 30 minute delivery guarantee does not allow you to drive wrong way on the highway! Parapapapaa Ge ne ral. Who designed this road? Actually I knew who did it, my former employers. No wonder. Fuck them. Make up fine, Cellphone, fine, Dancing fine, all 3 while driving!Dead Animal. Why am I screaming? He can't possibly fit between these cars. He did.
Wheew.
Wheew.
Monday, January 30, 2006
Just a little survey
Did you kill anyone during the war?
Did you steal?
I keep hearing that the reason we don't hold the war criminals accountable is that everyone killed during the war.
I don't think that is true. I'm pretty sure the grand majority of people wasn't doing much killing but rather was hiding from the killers.
Maybe I'm wrong.
Did you steal?
I keep hearing that the reason we don't hold the war criminals accountable is that everyone killed during the war.
I don't think that is true. I'm pretty sure the grand majority of people wasn't doing much killing but rather was hiding from the killers.
Maybe I'm wrong.
Sunday, January 29, 2006
Denmark in the News!
The controversial Danish caricatures of the Prophet Mohammad (prayed God upon him and saluted) are offensively bad, offensively unfunny, offensively childish (sort of like what I just said) . That is exactly why they are not worth all the fuss.
It reminds me of Salman Rushdie. Had it not been for all the death calls he got, no one would've looked at his book. It's dull, boring text with no nudity. It couldn't sell 3 copies if it wasn't for all the marketing the islamic governments did on its behalf.
So while the Danish Government is rightfully defending freedom of expression, the offended need to remember they have the freedom to ignore and stop reading that specific newspaper. There are other, more interesting publications in the world that they should look at.
By the way, South Park regularly makes fun of the Super Best Friends:Jesus, Mohammad, Moses, Buddha, and Krishna. So we should all boycott Colorado, or Blame Canada.
It reminds me of Salman Rushdie. Had it not been for all the death calls he got, no one would've looked at his book. It's dull, boring text with no nudity. It couldn't sell 3 copies if it wasn't for all the marketing the islamic governments did on its behalf.
So while the Danish Government is rightfully defending freedom of expression, the offended need to remember they have the freedom to ignore and stop reading that specific newspaper. There are other, more interesting publications in the world that they should look at.
By the way, South Park regularly makes fun of the Super Best Friends:Jesus, Mohammad, Moses, Buddha, and Krishna. So we should all boycott Colorado, or Blame Canada.
Saturday, January 28, 2006
Libraries: Someone CARES!
As a follow up to the library subject, it turns out there is a netwrok of public libraries in Lebanon. It is very modest, but they do have free internet access. The main Beirut library is the size of an average apartment with a maid's room.
Someone is working on improving that however. They are adequately called the Friends of Public Libraries Association in Lebanon.
You can donate the original Russian print of War and Peace, but they prefer connect the dots books.
One of the book donation centers is literally 10 medium sized steps from where I am now. Damn, I thought I was inquisitive, now I have to scratch that out of my C.V.
Friday, January 27, 2006
Off the Scales
Everyone knows corruption is rampant in Lebanon. A lot of people stole alot of money, no surprise there.
However, when Nicola Fattoush wants a quarter billion dollars to stop raping the environment, something he shouldn't have been doing in the first place, you realize the scale of such corruption.
Nicola Fattoush! Who is Nicola Fattoush? He's barely a C-List corrupt politician. A quarter billion dollars as settlement for a C Lister! So that means he's been pocketing at least that much. Nicola Freaking Fattoush!
Where does that leave the other corruptos? The ones higher up on the food chain. The Murrs, Hrawis, Hamades, Husseinis, Mrads, Sayyeds, Lahouds, Franjiehs, Harbs, Shamseddines, Gemayels? I'm sure their ego wouldn't allow for a share smaller than that of Nicola Fattoush, It had to be multiple times more.
We haven't reached the All Stars yet? The Jordans and O'Neals of thievery. Abdel Halim Khaddam, Nabih Berri, Ghazi Kanaan, Walid Jumblatt, Rustum Ghazaleh, Rafik Hariri, Mustapha Tlas, Hekmat El Shahabi.
How about the Godfather himself? How much of the people's money did he die on?
Nicola Fattoush?!
However, when Nicola Fattoush wants a quarter billion dollars to stop raping the environment, something he shouldn't have been doing in the first place, you realize the scale of such corruption.
Nicola Fattoush! Who is Nicola Fattoush? He's barely a C-List corrupt politician. A quarter billion dollars as settlement for a C Lister! So that means he's been pocketing at least that much. Nicola Freaking Fattoush!
Where does that leave the other corruptos? The ones higher up on the food chain. The Murrs, Hrawis, Hamades, Husseinis, Mrads, Sayyeds, Lahouds, Franjiehs, Harbs, Shamseddines, Gemayels? I'm sure their ego wouldn't allow for a share smaller than that of Nicola Fattoush, It had to be multiple times more.
We haven't reached the All Stars yet? The Jordans and O'Neals of thievery. Abdel Halim Khaddam, Nabih Berri, Ghazi Kanaan, Walid Jumblatt, Rustum Ghazaleh, Rafik Hariri, Mustapha Tlas, Hekmat El Shahabi.
How about the Godfather himself? How much of the people's money did he die on?
Nicola Fattoush?!
Thursday, January 26, 2006
A Match Made in ...
... Holy Land.
Hamas and Likud are perfect for each other. Mirror images.
One headline I read was: World Leaders Shocked.
That shows you how detached these leaders are from the palestinean people, or people in general for that matter. Do you think when George was drawing up his Peace Road Map in Crawford, TX, he consulted with a mother from Gaza? Of course not he consulted with vultures and vegetables. That's why he is shocked.
A road map for peace is not a bad idea, unfortunately in this map the X is on the back of the paper.
Hamas and Likud are perfect for each other. Mirror images.
One headline I read was: World Leaders Shocked.
That shows you how detached these leaders are from the palestinean people, or people in general for that matter. Do you think when George was drawing up his Peace Road Map in Crawford, TX, he consulted with a mother from Gaza? Of course not he consulted with vultures and vegetables. That's why he is shocked.
A road map for peace is not a bad idea, unfortunately in this map the X is on the back of the paper.
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
Modern Transparent Democracy
We know more about Star Academy contestants than Presidents.
We have 24 live video of a slumber party, but no evidence of closed door meetings that decide the world's fate.
We get to see Leyla from Morocco eat breakfast in her pajamas with puss in her eyes, but we only get to see our leaders once a month, with make up on, reading carefully scripted propaganda.
We put aspiring showgirls/boys into a rigorous 4 month series of tests to see who stands out, while we hire PR and marketing machines to cover our political aspirer's faults and highlight/ invent their merits.
We vote off a bad singer with the press of a button from home anytime of the day, but we have to wait years, then wait in line for hours, then put up with incompetent government workers to vote off someone that's stealing our money.
We have 24 live video of a slumber party, but no evidence of closed door meetings that decide the world's fate.
We get to see Leyla from Morocco eat breakfast in her pajamas with puss in her eyes, but we only get to see our leaders once a month, with make up on, reading carefully scripted propaganda.
We put aspiring showgirls/boys into a rigorous 4 month series of tests to see who stands out, while we hire PR and marketing machines to cover our political aspirer's faults and highlight/ invent their merits.
We vote off a bad singer with the press of a button from home anytime of the day, but we have to wait years, then wait in line for hours, then put up with incompetent government workers to vote off someone that's stealing our money.
No Confidence
A motion of no confidence is usually the way out of a governmental deadlock like we have in Lebanon. Even Vanuatu figured out how to use this democratic tool in 2004. Usually it's the opposition that shows no confidence in the government and that might be enough to replace the government or call for an early election.
However, what happens when the majority of the members of the government show no confidence in the government?
Yes, only in my special country does a ruling coalition show no confidence in ... itself.
I have called for the government to shit or get off the pot before, but a lot of things have happened since then and I don't think you can find anyone that would label these events as positive. Enough shitting, just get off the pot.
First of all, the orange opposition has clearly and loudly voiced their NO CONFIDENCE in the government.
On to Hezboamalallah. Their 5 ministers decided to go on a prolonged paid vacation. Nice gig, but I'm pretty sure it counts as NO CONFIDENCE.
Yesterday, former ID card killer* MP Antoine Zahra (who happens to claim that he graduated from Harrington University in London) admitted that the Lebanese Forces are conducting military exercises in the Arz region. His rationale was that they were training individuals to protect LF Don Samir Geagea and LBC Headquarters. I'm not gonna ask how artillery practice protects you from possible car bombs which are the biggest threat in Lebanon these day, but this clearly shows that the LF have NO CONFIDENCE in the government to protect them. By the way they happen to be part of the government.
Then there is Future Corporation, the holding company that counts the government as one of its assets. CEO Saad Hariri has showed so much confidence in his investment that he hasn't set foot in Beirut since this government took over. He'd rather spend his time in Saudi Arabia!!! Saudi Arabia!!! If that isn't NO CONFIDENCE I don't know what is.
Government is not a trophy! It's responsibility. 5 million people worth of responsibility.
* ID card Killers: prominent during the Lebanese civil** war. ID Card killers used to stop and shoot people on the spot if they happened to be of the wrong sect.
**Civil: uncivil, savage, barbaric, primitive, inhuman, vicious, atrocious, and boorish.
However, what happens when the majority of the members of the government show no confidence in the government?
Yes, only in my special country does a ruling coalition show no confidence in ... itself.
I have called for the government to shit or get off the pot before, but a lot of things have happened since then and I don't think you can find anyone that would label these events as positive. Enough shitting, just get off the pot.
First of all, the orange opposition has clearly and loudly voiced their NO CONFIDENCE in the government.
On to Hezboamalallah. Their 5 ministers decided to go on a prolonged paid vacation. Nice gig, but I'm pretty sure it counts as NO CONFIDENCE.
Yesterday, former ID card killer* MP Antoine Zahra (who happens to claim that he graduated from Harrington University in London) admitted that the Lebanese Forces are conducting military exercises in the Arz region. His rationale was that they were training individuals to protect LF Don Samir Geagea and LBC Headquarters. I'm not gonna ask how artillery practice protects you from possible car bombs which are the biggest threat in Lebanon these day, but this clearly shows that the LF have NO CONFIDENCE in the government to protect them. By the way they happen to be part of the government.
Then there is Future Corporation, the holding company that counts the government as one of its assets. CEO Saad Hariri has showed so much confidence in his investment that he hasn't set foot in Beirut since this government took over. He'd rather spend his time in Saudi Arabia!!! Saudi Arabia!!! If that isn't NO CONFIDENCE I don't know what is.
Government is not a trophy! It's responsibility. 5 million people worth of responsibility.
* ID card Killers: prominent during the Lebanese civil** war. ID Card killers used to stop and shoot people on the spot if they happened to be of the wrong sect.
**Civil: uncivil, savage, barbaric, primitive, inhuman, vicious, atrocious, and boorish.
Monday, January 23, 2006
Cultural Capital
Downtown Beirut (10 blocks)
8 Mosques.
10 Churches.
1 Synagogue.
1 Buddha Bar.
100 Restaurants.
10 Night Clubs.
10 Bars.
20 Jewelry Stores.
40 Fashion shops.
1 Bookstore.
0 Art Galleries.
0 Theaters.
0 Libraries.
8 Mosques.
10 Churches.
1 Synagogue.
1 Buddha Bar.
100 Restaurants.
10 Night Clubs.
10 Bars.
20 Jewelry Stores.
40 Fashion shops.
1 Bookstore.
0 Art Galleries.
0 Theaters.
0 Libraries.
Moment of Silence
Walking home at 4 am the other day, I found 2 seconds of complete silence in Beirut. 2 seconds during which I could hear myself breathe, 2 seconds in which I could hear my footsteps.
It's eerie to be in the middle of all these buildings, lights, and people, and not hear a voice. The silence was beautiful, but I was too freaked out to enjoy it.
This surreal moment was abruptly interrupted by the very real and loud sounds of cats fucking, and Beirut was Beirut again.
It's eerie to be in the middle of all these buildings, lights, and people, and not hear a voice. The silence was beautiful, but I was too freaked out to enjoy it.
This surreal moment was abruptly interrupted by the very real and loud sounds of cats fucking, and Beirut was Beirut again.
Thursday, January 19, 2006
Freedom of Blog
I thought that by having my own personal blog, I was free to write anything I want to. That was the case for a month maybe, then I was forced to write a thing or two, no biggie. Now I got "tagged" with a worst habits post. I don't want to piss off the blog gods so I will comply, but I don't like where this is heading (عندي هواجس) . Soon the state police will force me to praise the government, or some corporation will buy my words (I am open to this idea by the way, I'll even call the Big Mac a culinary delight for the right price.)
So Worst Habits huh? I guess some self criticism is healthy.
1. I have no sense of money. I am not a material girl in a material world. It makes thing really inconvenient for me, since not many people are willing to accept barter deals. Then again maybe my nudes don't hold much bartering value.
2. I can not hold a job. My attention span is 3.5 seconds, so there is no way I can sit 40+ hours a week doing something, unless it's eating but that's #3. The worst part of it is that I tried hard to get fired at my last job, and I failed. I sat there for 3 months without doing a thing of value to the company other than my pleasant presence and that was enough for them to pay me.
3. I eat until there is no more food. Of course I leave nothing in my plate so the kids in Ethiopia don't starve. That's normal, even humanitarian. My vice , however, is that I don't stop when I'm full or the plate is empty, if there is something slightly edible within reach I will devour it even if I'm painfully stuffed. Doesn't matter what time of day or night it is, and it is not a once a month PMS deal. Which takes me to #4.
4. The ever Elusive Monday. I will start a regular workout routine on Monday. Diet on Monday. Monday I will shower.
5. I can't waste time on things that I know how they are gonna end up. Knowledge is satisfying enough for me. How do I know? It's a gift, I get visions, I know everything in advance. Everything.
I guess I have to tag someone now.
Boutros Boutros Ghali.
So Worst Habits huh? I guess some self criticism is healthy.
1. I have no sense of money. I am not a material girl in a material world. It makes thing really inconvenient for me, since not many people are willing to accept barter deals. Then again maybe my nudes don't hold much bartering value.
2. I can not hold a job. My attention span is 3.5 seconds, so there is no way I can sit 40+ hours a week doing something, unless it's eating but that's #3. The worst part of it is that I tried hard to get fired at my last job, and I failed. I sat there for 3 months without doing a thing of value to the company other than my pleasant presence and that was enough for them to pay me.
3. I eat until there is no more food. Of course I leave nothing in my plate so the kids in Ethiopia don't starve. That's normal, even humanitarian. My vice , however, is that I don't stop when I'm full or the plate is empty, if there is something slightly edible within reach I will devour it even if I'm painfully stuffed. Doesn't matter what time of day or night it is, and it is not a once a month PMS deal. Which takes me to #4.
4. The ever Elusive Monday. I will start a regular workout routine on Monday. Diet on Monday. Monday I will shower.
5. I can't waste time on things that I know how they are gonna end up. Knowledge is satisfying enough for me. How do I know? It's a gift, I get visions, I know everything in advance. Everything.
I guess I have to tag someone now.
Boutros Boutros Ghali.
Women will rule the world soon
There's a revolution brewing. It's worldwide. Most men don't realize it since it's happening beyond their radar scope. Even though it's in their face, all the time. All women are in on it. It's the one thing women of Colombia have in common with women in Saudi Arabia. India, China, Mozambique; they are all ready for the day, waiting for the signal.
Who has united all the women of the world?
Who is the most powerful human alive today?
Whose word is never questioned?
Whose opinions shatter borders, overcome language barriers, unite colors, and transcend religion?
Who's God?
...
...
...
Oprah.
Who has united all the women of the world?
Who is the most powerful human alive today?
Whose word is never questioned?
Whose opinions shatter borders, overcome language barriers, unite colors, and transcend religion?
Who's God?
...
...
...
Oprah.
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
Scary Crowd
I caught a glimpse of today's protests against U.S. Interference in Lebanese affairs. That scene was scary.
Not because thousands, maybe tens of thousands i didn't really count, of youth were telling the World's biggest power, who isn't hesitant to show its power, to fuck off. Rather because these were college students and only a fraction of the total college student population of Lebanon.
Last time I checked the papers for jobs i saw probably 1 or 2 jobs listed for recent college grads.
So that gives us a job seekers to jobs available ratio of tens of thousands to one.
Scary!
Not because thousands, maybe tens of thousands i didn't really count, of youth were telling the World's biggest power, who isn't hesitant to show its power, to fuck off. Rather because these were college students and only a fraction of the total college student population of Lebanon.
Last time I checked the papers for jobs i saw probably 1 or 2 jobs listed for recent college grads.
So that gives us a job seekers to jobs available ratio of tens of thousands to one.
Scary!
Monday, January 16, 2006
From Lebanon IIII
Cup of Coffee
A cup of coffee in Lebanon is not literally a cup of coffee. A cup of coffee is the unescapable, unbeatable, signature pin move of invitations; except it is not exclusive to steroidal freaks as sweet old grandmas can apply it with equal effectiveness.
But I have a meeting. Oh come on it's just a cup of coffee.
I don't drink Coffee. We'll make it tea then.
Just had tea. Then have a Baklawa.
On a diet. Have a cigarrette.
Hate cancer. Just have a glass of water, no one can refuse water.
Do not resist, it's futile. You might slip out of any other unwanted invite, but not the cup of coffee.
Just accept it and try to enjoy the 30 minutes (if you are lucky to get out in 30) of Lebanese hospitality.
P.S. Don't think that if you just went through a cup of coffee you are immune, as they tend to come in bunches.
A cup of coffee in Lebanon is not literally a cup of coffee. A cup of coffee is the unescapable, unbeatable, signature pin move of invitations; except it is not exclusive to steroidal freaks as sweet old grandmas can apply it with equal effectiveness.
But I have a meeting. Oh come on it's just a cup of coffee.
I don't drink Coffee. We'll make it tea then.
Just had tea. Then have a Baklawa.
On a diet. Have a cigarrette.
Hate cancer. Just have a glass of water, no one can refuse water.
Do not resist, it's futile. You might slip out of any other unwanted invite, but not the cup of coffee.
Just accept it and try to enjoy the 30 minutes (if you are lucky to get out in 30) of Lebanese hospitality.
P.S. Don't think that if you just went through a cup of coffee you are immune, as they tend to come in bunches.
Sunday, January 15, 2006
Cuban Butts
I was watching Israeli TV this morning. Sorry, I meant Zionist Terrorist Evil Enemy TV. They had this cheesy variety show much like most the shows on Lebanese TV(speaking of, I think I will write something soon about the concept of TV talent and how it hasn't made it to this region) . For some reason the host was dressed like McBurglar, but that is not the point. They had a dance group performing to the tune of "Dime Si Son Latinos". The scene reminded me of the time I went to a Ruben Blades concert in Brussells and witnessed the Belgians attempt to Salsa. It was like watching a cripple fight; funny as hell but sad.
Europeans, Asians, North Americans, basically all White people have to realize that they need to stick to head bobbing. Anatomically, they were not built to shake their butts. It took centuries of evolution for the Cuban Butt to come along, so white man's tries to cheat science are arrogant and silly. But they are funny to watch, so play that funky music white boy.
Europeans, Asians, North Americans, basically all White people have to realize that they need to stick to head bobbing. Anatomically, they were not built to shake their butts. It took centuries of evolution for the Cuban Butt to come along, so white man's tries to cheat science are arrogant and silly. But they are funny to watch, so play that funky music white boy.
Wishlist
I want Freedom
I want Sovereignty
I want Independence.
I want Jobs.
I want Security.
I want a good Steak.
I want transparency.
I want democracy.
I want One Strong Army.
I want no mini lawless states in the country.
I want no racism.
I want no sexism.
I want no corruption.
I want Olympic Gold.
I want a fair electoral system.
I want equality.
I want clean air.
I want schools.
I want justice.
I want health care.
I want social security.
I want civil marriage.
I want to party.
I want safe roads.
I want greenery.
I want workers' rights.
I want cheap gas.
I want to sing.
I want an ice cold beer.
Most importantly, I want it all for free because I love my country and I wave a flag.
I want Sovereignty
I want Independence.
I want Jobs.
I want Security.
I want a good Steak.
I want transparency.
I want democracy.
I want One Strong Army.
I want no mini lawless states in the country.
I want no racism.
I want no sexism.
I want no corruption.
I want Olympic Gold.
I want a fair electoral system.
I want equality.
I want clean air.
I want schools.
I want justice.
I want health care.
I want social security.
I want civil marriage.
I want to party.
I want safe roads.
I want greenery.
I want workers' rights.
I want cheap gas.
I want to sing.
I want an ice cold beer.
Most importantly, I want it all for free because I love my country and I wave a flag.
Friday, January 13, 2006
Turkey's Turkeys are Sick
Bird Flu is only a couple of hundred kilometers away as the crow flies, and drops.
How prepared is our government to face this epidemic?
Try asking this to the minister of public health, and he'll flip you the bird.
But what do you expect, you can't make chicken salad with chicken shit.
Let's just thank Geography we are close to Europe.
The EU has declared war on the pesky flying animals whose favorite passtime is to crap all over newly washed cars. That should involve some steps that would save our tails. At least I hope that is the case. Otherwise.... Duck!
How prepared is our government to face this epidemic?
Try asking this to the minister of public health, and he'll flip you the bird.
But what do you expect, you can't make chicken salad with chicken shit.
Let's just thank Geography we are close to Europe.
The EU has declared war on the pesky flying animals whose favorite passtime is to crap all over newly washed cars. That should involve some steps that would save our tails. At least I hope that is the case. Otherwise.... Duck!
Thursday, January 12, 2006
Blog Blog Blog
Note: I have a gun to my head as I write this.
I went to a Lebanese bloggers meeting yesterday. Not knowing what to expect, I had come up with a beautifully clever excuse to escape early. Fortunately I didn't have to use it. Unfortunately I did not get to show it off, but I'm sure there will be another occasion for that.
With a long table setup the meeting broke up into mini meetings, but I was strategically located in the middle so I could eavesdrop on all talks. Here's what I learned. Roughly half the bloggers blog because they are forced to by a mysterious someone (The same someone that has the gun to my head). There are no stories to tell about Vietnam, at least not for free. Twins aren't necessarily related. AUB is a popular choice for higher education. The waiter only comes once. People would rather watch a monkey for 3 hours than a local flick. One person at the table had more traffic on his blog than the rest of the table combined. Times 20. 3 to 1 male to female ratio offically qualifies the event as a sausage fest.
I think I forgot to thank the organizers of the meeting, oh well, next time.
I went to a Lebanese bloggers meeting yesterday. Not knowing what to expect, I had come up with a beautifully clever excuse to escape early. Fortunately I didn't have to use it. Unfortunately I did not get to show it off, but I'm sure there will be another occasion for that.
With a long table setup the meeting broke up into mini meetings, but I was strategically located in the middle so I could eavesdrop on all talks. Here's what I learned. Roughly half the bloggers blog because they are forced to by a mysterious someone (The same someone that has the gun to my head). There are no stories to tell about Vietnam, at least not for free. Twins aren't necessarily related. AUB is a popular choice for higher education. The waiter only comes once. People would rather watch a monkey for 3 hours than a local flick. One person at the table had more traffic on his blog than the rest of the table combined. Times 20. 3 to 1 male to female ratio offically qualifies the event as a sausage fest.
I think I forgot to thank the organizers of the meeting, oh well, next time.
Saturday, January 07, 2006
A Tribute to A Man of Peace
With everyone praising this great man of our time
in his final hours, I decided to hold hands with Condoleezza Rice, Jack Straw, and King Abdullah of Jordan, and sing "Kumbaya Sharon Kumbaya."
Prime Minister Sharon is showing strong, visionary leadership by difficult steps to improve the lives of people across the Middle East. I’m grateful to the prime minister for his friendship.- George W. Bush
Cool!! 2 more 9-11's and I'll be a Man of Peace too. - Osama Bin Laden
Prime Minister Sharon is a man of courage and peace. - George W. Bush
The prime minister had surprised everybody by the courage and statesmanship he's shown in recent years to work towards a long term peace settlement between Israel and the Palestinians.- Jack Straw
A wonderful, historic leader.- Condoleeza Rice
Donald Rumsfeld threatened to pull Nato's headquarters out of Brussels unless Belgium revoked a legislation giving its courts the power to prosecute foreigners for alleged war crimes committed anywhere in the world.
"He voted against the peace treaty with Egypt in 1979. He voted against a withdrawal from southern Lebanon in 1985. He opposed Israel's participation in the Madrid peace conference in 1991. He opposed the Knesset plenum vote on the Oslo agreement in 1993. He abstained on a vote for peace with Jordan in 1994. He voted against the Hebron agreement in 1997. He condemned the manner of Israel's retreat from Lebanon in 2000. By 2002, he had built 34 new Jewish colonies on Palestinian land.
And he was a man of peace."-Robert Fisk's Eulogy
Thursday, January 05, 2006
From Lebanon III
The Misscall
It took me a while to get used to this one. I was so naive that when the phone rang my reaction was to pick it up. Don't do that. Not in Lebanon, that is unless you enjoy screaming "Hello!" into a dead phone. I was baffled, why do people call if they don't want to talk. I was convinced that the sole purpose of the call was to make you look silly. Then I got my first cellphone bill.
Lebanese Cell phone minutes(NYSE) value is comparable to platinum. My cab driver today had 7 kids and only 5 minutes on his phone, you do the math. The invention of the Misscall was an essential survival mechanism for the Lebanese. Fire, the wheel, and the misscall. The Lebanese also mastered the use of these three discoveries simultaneously (see the daily police blotter for more info on that) .
But what good can a simple misscall do you? Full conversations if you learn your Morse Code. The most common one is the simple call me back misscall. You can always use consecutive misscalls or combinations of one and two ring misscalls or other variations to say whatever you want.
The misscall. Another clever creation from the ever so creative (or cheap) Lebanese.
Extra Credit: If a picture is worth a thousand words, how many misscalls is that?
It took me a while to get used to this one. I was so naive that when the phone rang my reaction was to pick it up. Don't do that. Not in Lebanon, that is unless you enjoy screaming "Hello!" into a dead phone. I was baffled, why do people call if they don't want to talk. I was convinced that the sole purpose of the call was to make you look silly. Then I got my first cellphone bill.
Lebanese Cell phone minutes(NYSE) value is comparable to platinum. My cab driver today had 7 kids and only 5 minutes on his phone, you do the math. The invention of the Misscall was an essential survival mechanism for the Lebanese. Fire, the wheel, and the misscall. The Lebanese also mastered the use of these three discoveries simultaneously (see the daily police blotter for more info on that) .
But what good can a simple misscall do you? Full conversations if you learn your Morse Code. The most common one is the simple call me back misscall. You can always use consecutive misscalls or combinations of one and two ring misscalls or other variations to say whatever you want.
The misscall. Another clever creation from the ever so creative (or cheap) Lebanese.
Extra Credit: If a picture is worth a thousand words, how many misscalls is that?
Monday, December 26, 2005
The Gandis 2005
Every 365th day we must evaluate everything. It's the law. We must evaluate our life, our weight, our wallets, feel depressed about our lack of accomplishments, then feel better by emptying our wallets on our weight and cutting our life short in the process.
We also must give away awards. So here are the Propagandis or P Gandis for 2005 AD (around 1400 AH).
Best Falafel: Falafels of Zion (Sahyoun)- where Bechara El Khoury Avenue meets Damascus road parallel to Monot Street, on your left, Beirut
This 1x1 meter joint specializes in falafel, nothing else, no customer service, no smiles, hygiene is questionable, but the falafels are the best.
Best name for the area where the Martyrs statue is: Bourj Square.
Talk about an identity crisis. Martyr Square, Freedom Square, Independence Square, Sovereignty Square, Hariri Square, Tent camp, Cock (Deek) Square. Well I decided to go with what I think is its original name.
Best Sandwich: Massad's Taouk- now this is tricky. It's up(straight up) the tightest (fits a Peugeot 207 but not a 307) steepest (90 degrees) alley (foot trail) in Zahle (the bride of the Bekaa).
Worth the trip and the wait because you will have to wait once you get there. Even though you'll spend some money on the gas and the new paint job for your car, it's still cheaper than a meal in Beirut.
Warning: Don't speak English or French or Beiruti with the waiter, he might beat you up.
Best Censorship Job: Crazy Frog's Penis. How was this little amphibian screwed out of a grammy?
Best Place of Residence during Election season: Tripoli. So what if you don't have a proper sanitation system, schools, or hospitals. Come election season your vote is worth all the misery you have to endure for 4 years, that's about $200.
Best Kababs: Abou Ahmad- Corniche Al Mazraa. Abou Ahmad has been feeding Beirut for decades. How does he have the stamina to do it? He keeps a strict diet of Turkish Coffee and Marlboros. Warning: no matter what you order there you will fart afterwards, just make sure you don't accidentally shart.
Best Protest: The parents of the missing in Syrian jails - Gibran Park. March 8th + March 14th + Feb 21st + May 7th don't stand a chance when facing a handful of weeping mothers. Too bad it's just not good enough for TV.
Best Starbucks: Bhamdoun. I have to accept the fact that Starbucks will eventually open a branch inside each room of my house, but with the Bhamdoun Branch closing 9 months each year at least I have a glimmer of hope that won't happen.
Best Assassination: OK, I'm not THAT cruel. Here's to a bomb-free 2006.
We also must give away awards. So here are the Propagandis or P Gandis for 2005 AD (around 1400 AH).
Best Falafel: Falafels of Zion (Sahyoun)- where Bechara El Khoury Avenue meets Damascus road parallel to Monot Street, on your left, Beirut
This 1x1 meter joint specializes in falafel, nothing else, no customer service, no smiles, hygiene is questionable, but the falafels are the best.
Best name for the area where the Martyrs statue is: Bourj Square.
Talk about an identity crisis. Martyr Square, Freedom Square, Independence Square, Sovereignty Square, Hariri Square, Tent camp, Cock (Deek) Square. Well I decided to go with what I think is its original name.
Best Sandwich: Massad's Taouk- now this is tricky. It's up(straight up) the tightest (fits a Peugeot 207 but not a 307) steepest (90 degrees) alley (foot trail) in Zahle (the bride of the Bekaa).
Worth the trip and the wait because you will have to wait once you get there. Even though you'll spend some money on the gas and the new paint job for your car, it's still cheaper than a meal in Beirut.
Warning: Don't speak English or French or Beiruti with the waiter, he might beat you up.
Best Censorship Job: Crazy Frog's Penis. How was this little amphibian screwed out of a grammy?
Best Place of Residence during Election season: Tripoli. So what if you don't have a proper sanitation system, schools, or hospitals. Come election season your vote is worth all the misery you have to endure for 4 years, that's about $200.
Best Kababs: Abou Ahmad- Corniche Al Mazraa. Abou Ahmad has been feeding Beirut for decades. How does he have the stamina to do it? He keeps a strict diet of Turkish Coffee and Marlboros. Warning: no matter what you order there you will fart afterwards, just make sure you don't accidentally shart.
Best Protest: The parents of the missing in Syrian jails - Gibran Park. March 8th + March 14th + Feb 21st + May 7th don't stand a chance when facing a handful of weeping mothers. Too bad it's just not good enough for TV.
Best Starbucks: Bhamdoun. I have to accept the fact that Starbucks will eventually open a branch inside each room of my house, but with the Bhamdoun Branch closing 9 months each year at least I have a glimmer of hope that won't happen.
Best Assassination: OK, I'm not THAT cruel. Here's to a bomb-free 2006.
Friday, December 23, 2005
I don't watch much TV but...
.... I love Tele Liban. As a kid I was a big fan of Quantum Leap. Jumping back in time to right what once went wrong. Well Tele Liban is as close as we ever gonna get to time travel. While most of the world is riding the High Definition TV wave, Tele Liban is still proudly touting its technicolor capabilities. Every show they have on looks the same whether it's a seventies rerun or a live broadcast. Same image quality, same set decor, same clothes, same hairdos, and actually the same topics; so it's a challenge to guess the date of the show and I never shy away from a challenging puzzle.
Tele Liban reminds me of the crush I had on that girl on Noah's Ark. Haifa Wehbe is Feryal Karim with today's technology. Tele Liban makes me jones for Atari. Walid Jumblatt is Kamal Jumblatt with a more distinguished hair style. Tele Liban proves that there was never any quality TV just less crap to click through. Sabah is Sabah, the bitch hasn't changed.
Now who is the other person that watches Tele Liban?
Tele Liban reminds me of the crush I had on that girl on Noah's Ark. Haifa Wehbe is Feryal Karim with today's technology. Tele Liban makes me jones for Atari. Walid Jumblatt is Kamal Jumblatt with a more distinguished hair style. Tele Liban proves that there was never any quality TV just less crap to click through. Sabah is Sabah, the bitch hasn't changed.
Now who is the other person that watches Tele Liban?
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
Lebanon is ...
I keep hearing Lebanon is a "Consensual Democracy".
What the hell is a Consensual Democracy?
I tried to find a definition for this term online but to no avail. So I'll give it my own definition: a crock of shit.
We either all agree, or nothing gets done(Off course, by We and All I mean the sectarian Mafia bosses that speak for everyone).
"Consensual Democracy" is just a cover for the reality we have. The Lebanese Political structure is a cock fight dictatorship. While most dictatorships have one man that gets his way and DOES things his own way. In our special country the many dictators just peck at each other trying to reach the elusive consensus and in the process nothing gets done. Our current "Consensus" government has been in place for 6 months in the most crucial of times, and what have they consensually done? A Parking Lot in Solidere and a whole lot of procrastination.
Successive governments have had the same impeccable efficiency record, but that's the way We All like it in Lebanon (Again We and All mean just the cocks in the cockfight). That way you can always blame your ruling partners for your shortcomings and you can always count on rallying the people behind you along tribal sectarian lines. Blame, blame, blame, with no responsibility or accountability; a politician's utopia.
What democracy is that they speak of?
Lebanon is a Zaeemocracy.
What the hell is a Consensual Democracy?
I tried to find a definition for this term online but to no avail. So I'll give it my own definition: a crock of shit.
We either all agree, or nothing gets done(Off course, by We and All I mean the sectarian Mafia bosses that speak for everyone).
"Consensual Democracy" is just a cover for the reality we have. The Lebanese Political structure is a cock fight dictatorship. While most dictatorships have one man that gets his way and DOES things his own way. In our special country the many dictators just peck at each other trying to reach the elusive consensus and in the process nothing gets done. Our current "Consensus" government has been in place for 6 months in the most crucial of times, and what have they consensually done? A Parking Lot in Solidere and a whole lot of procrastination.
Successive governments have had the same impeccable efficiency record, but that's the way We All like it in Lebanon (Again We and All mean just the cocks in the cockfight). That way you can always blame your ruling partners for your shortcomings and you can always count on rallying the people behind you along tribal sectarian lines. Blame, blame, blame, with no responsibility or accountability; a politician's utopia.
What democracy is that they speak of?
Lebanon is a Zaeemocracy.
Monday, December 19, 2005
Hi5 Challenges
- Try to locate a Bhutanese that is connected to a Mozambiquan (within 3 friends or less)
- Find 10 people that DO NOT list "The Da Vinci Code" as one of their favorite books
- Find a Lebanese dude that does not have a picture of "his" car in his photo album
- Expose 3 chicks that try to pass pictures out of magazines as their own
- Prove this mathematical equation: # of Real Friends =Pi/# of Hi5 Friends
Evo Cocaina
The left tide continues to sweep through South America knocking out another ally of "USA! USA! USA!".
Is this an ideological failure for capitalism?
The way I see it, this is nothing more than blind reactionary pendular swing due to corruption. It will be met with an equal but opposite shift when the people are fed up with leftist abuse and corruption. It has nothing to do with Left or Right or Up or Down ideologies.
It is however a blow to the neocon imperial crusade. Long before George W. there was the Godfather Reagan. South America of the 80's is today's Middle East. War on Drugs, War on Terror. The goal is one, more power and control.
Reagan helped corrupt pro U.S. governments crush leftist rebel movements all across Latin America and it succeeded at the time. The tools they used were violence and propaganda, sounds familiar? Twenty years later we have Chavez controlling Venezuela's oil, and Evo cultivating Coca.
Iraq's Chavez and Lebanon's Evo will not wait 20 years to come out.
If only the U.S. applied its "American Values" in its foreign policy, the whole world would be Hollywoodified. Then again without Reagan and Bush foreign policy, Americans wouldn't be able to afford being the best.
Is this an ideological failure for capitalism?
The way I see it, this is nothing more than blind reactionary pendular swing due to corruption. It will be met with an equal but opposite shift when the people are fed up with leftist abuse and corruption. It has nothing to do with Left or Right or Up or Down ideologies.
It is however a blow to the neocon imperial crusade. Long before George W. there was the Godfather Reagan. South America of the 80's is today's Middle East. War on Drugs, War on Terror. The goal is one, more power and control.
Reagan helped corrupt pro U.S. governments crush leftist rebel movements all across Latin America and it succeeded at the time. The tools they used were violence and propaganda, sounds familiar? Twenty years later we have Chavez controlling Venezuela's oil, and Evo cultivating Coca.
Iraq's Chavez and Lebanon's Evo will not wait 20 years to come out.
If only the U.S. applied its "American Values" in its foreign policy, the whole world would be Hollywoodified. Then again without Reagan and Bush foreign policy, Americans wouldn't be able to afford being the best.
Friday, December 16, 2005
On the Rocks
The marriage between F.M. and H.A., both macho males, is on the rocks. Well the marriage was always on the rocks since it was not out of true love but rather an outdated arranged wedding. The only thing worse than an arranged marriage is an arranged gay marriage. Things between the two got so bad yesterday that H.A. left the house. F.M. felt the void, he missed H.A.. They had become attached to each other. Also F.M. started wondering if he could raise their adoptive kids as a single parent. The kids are a handful since one of them is autistic and the other is bipolar and they used to fight a lot. Could H.A. be out flirting again with their hot flamboyant neighbor, F.P.M.? What if they get together? Not only will H.A. get half of what F.M. owns, but the new couple would be on the front pages of all tabloids pouring salt in the wound. It would be nightmarish, every night would be halloween. Something needed to be done. So F.M. pleaded for H.A. to come back home. He promised to take out the garbage and mow the lawn. F.M. promised to confront the peeping neighbors and to complain with the home owners association about the dog house the neighbors stole from their backyard. He even promised to call and ask about the In-Laws. How could H.A. not go back home?
Well, F.P.M. could be a better lay.
Well, F.P.M. could be a better lay.
Thursday, December 15, 2005
Most Me
I am not an easily impressed person, maybe because I enjoy criticizing everything. It's a sickness, I am bored most of the time. I mean I'm not that interesting myself. I can't have a good time when most other people are having a hoot. My average job life is 10 weeks because nothing keeps my mind busy beyond that time. The only words that come out of my mouth that vaguely resemble a compliment are, "Hmm, It's OK."
Once in a while, almost as often as a Hale-Bopp appearance, something blows my mind away. For some reason the feeling I get when that happens is as if I was beat down. Defeated.
As I read the last line of Milan Kundera's Unbearable Lightness of Being, the only thing I could say was, "You son of a bitch." I hate superlatives, so I'm not going to throw them at this book, but I will throw some adjectives. Random, Crazy, Sick, Cynical, Hilarious, Czech. Ok I will use a superlative, it is not the best book, it is not the best written book, but it is the Most Me book. A book that forces a discussion of the philosophical relationship between God and Shit into the story line is Most Me. A writer that uses sets of parentheses within sets of parentheses to go on random tangent lunacies is a Most Me writer.
The last time I had this feeling was when I watched Charlie Kaufman's Adaptation.
That puts at 2 the number of people alive today I find impressive.
I'm still searching for that impressive politician.
Once in a while, almost as often as a Hale-Bopp appearance, something blows my mind away. For some reason the feeling I get when that happens is as if I was beat down. Defeated.
As I read the last line of Milan Kundera's Unbearable Lightness of Being, the only thing I could say was, "You son of a bitch." I hate superlatives, so I'm not going to throw them at this book, but I will throw some adjectives. Random, Crazy, Sick, Cynical, Hilarious, Czech. Ok I will use a superlative, it is not the best book, it is not the best written book, but it is the Most Me book. A book that forces a discussion of the philosophical relationship between God and Shit into the story line is Most Me. A writer that uses sets of parentheses within sets of parentheses to go on random tangent lunacies is a Most Me writer.
The last time I had this feeling was when I watched Charlie Kaufman's Adaptation.
That puts at 2 the number of people alive today I find impressive.
I'm still searching for that impressive politician.
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
Who's their Marketing Manager?
Roadsters Diner's marketing slogan is: There Goes My Heart.
Just the reminder I needed with each bite of my burger.
Just the reminder I needed with each bite of my burger.
Monday, December 12, 2005
Here We Go Again
Car Bomb in Baalbeck on Saturday, Blame Israel.
Assassination of Jibran Tuweini Today, Blame Syria.
The Poor, Innocent, Peace Loving Lebanese always stuck in the middle.
Assassination of Jibran Tuweini Today, Blame Syria.
The Poor, Innocent, Peace Loving Lebanese always stuck in the middle.
Saturday, December 10, 2005
Play Review: "Enigma Variations"
Was Al Madina Theater on Friday night less than half full or more than half empty?
Frankly, I don't mind the scarce crowd. I don't like most people, but I would like for this resuscitated Beirut cultural icon to continue to operate and not go belly up in this shark tank.
Eric-Emmanuel Schmitt's single scene two man act is a captivating philosophical ninety-minute ping-pong match with a new bouncing ball added in periodically. One of the top contemporary playwrights in Paris, Schmitt is probably best known for "Monsieur Ibrahim".
Lebanonizing the wordy script was the star of the show. It's not an easy task to introduce words like "tayyoub" and "bahle" into an originally french script while keeping its flow and integrity.
Antoine Kerbaj was a perfect fit for the role of Znorko, the Nobel prize winner with a God complex. Alain Delon played that role in Paris, certainly you can see the physical resemblance between Kerbaj and Delon. Ziad Al Andari, as Eric Larsen the small time reporter, was trying too hard in his difficult role. He did a good job with the tough verbal exchanges, but when he had to be quiet and let his face and body do the acting, he was stiff. Overall the play was very enjoyable and it runs for 3 more weeks at Al Madina.
For some reason though I left the theater with the theme song of "Barbar Agha" stuck in my head.
Frankly, I don't mind the scarce crowd. I don't like most people, but I would like for this resuscitated Beirut cultural icon to continue to operate and not go belly up in this shark tank.
Eric-Emmanuel Schmitt's single scene two man act is a captivating philosophical ninety-minute ping-pong match with a new bouncing ball added in periodically. One of the top contemporary playwrights in Paris, Schmitt is probably best known for "Monsieur Ibrahim".
Lebanonizing the wordy script was the star of the show. It's not an easy task to introduce words like "tayyoub" and "bahle" into an originally french script while keeping its flow and integrity.
Antoine Kerbaj was a perfect fit for the role of Znorko, the Nobel prize winner with a God complex. Alain Delon played that role in Paris, certainly you can see the physical resemblance between Kerbaj and Delon. Ziad Al Andari, as Eric Larsen the small time reporter, was trying too hard in his difficult role. He did a good job with the tough verbal exchanges, but when he had to be quiet and let his face and body do the acting, he was stiff. Overall the play was very enjoyable and it runs for 3 more weeks at Al Madina.
For some reason though I left the theater with the theme song of "Barbar Agha" stuck in my head.
Thursday, December 08, 2005
The Other Hariri Assassination
Who killed Bahiya Hariri?
I demand to know the Truth. On March 14th, 2005, she addressed a crowd of over a million people with words of a leader. Her speech that day was an honest list of principles and promises to her country and her fallen brother. You could see the pain of loss in her eyes, but you also saw strength and determination. Her actions had been responsible and mature. So what happened to this lady? Why was she marginalized? Why was she sent to Saida to tend to petty small town affairs, when she showed she could step into her brothers giant global political shoes? Why did the Hariri camp decide to go to battle with political virgin Saad instead of his savvy, wise aunt? Instead of a well spoken inspiring presence, we got a nauseating script reader. Maybe that's what was wanted for Lebanon, a script reader. As if we didn't have enough of those. Who took that decision? Hard to believe that someone that was in the forefront, someone who with 2 words overthrew the Karami cabinet, just disappears from the scene so suddenly without a decision to do so from up above; but where is up above? Maybe it's somewhere where they can't see an independent woman become a major political voice in the region? Maybe they feared a Bahiya Hariri would threaten their systematic opression of women? Maybe if a woman could effectively lead an Arab country, they would have no more excuses for not letting women drive or, God forbid, vote and have a political say. That would be yet another burden facing their hegemony specially since they have their hands full already with the religious psychos.
I want the TRUTH.
I demand to know the Truth. On March 14th, 2005, she addressed a crowd of over a million people with words of a leader. Her speech that day was an honest list of principles and promises to her country and her fallen brother. You could see the pain of loss in her eyes, but you also saw strength and determination. Her actions had been responsible and mature. So what happened to this lady? Why was she marginalized? Why was she sent to Saida to tend to petty small town affairs, when she showed she could step into her brothers giant global political shoes? Why did the Hariri camp decide to go to battle with political virgin Saad instead of his savvy, wise aunt? Instead of a well spoken inspiring presence, we got a nauseating script reader. Maybe that's what was wanted for Lebanon, a script reader. As if we didn't have enough of those. Who took that decision? Hard to believe that someone that was in the forefront, someone who with 2 words overthrew the Karami cabinet, just disappears from the scene so suddenly without a decision to do so from up above; but where is up above? Maybe it's somewhere where they can't see an independent woman become a major political voice in the region? Maybe they feared a Bahiya Hariri would threaten their systematic opression of women? Maybe if a woman could effectively lead an Arab country, they would have no more excuses for not letting women drive or, God forbid, vote and have a political say. That would be yet another burden facing their hegemony specially since they have their hands full already with the religious psychos.
I want the TRUTH.
Tuesday, December 06, 2005
Random Pics
A Gemayze side street BEFORE rain season.
National Unity Graffiti (sort of)Also Seen: Randa = Midget Lesbian Psyho
The MOAM: Mohammad Amin Mosque or Mother Of All Mosques.
Capacity: 5,000 Expected Attendance: 27
Beirut, Sunset, Electric Pole, Wires, and Billboard
Monday, December 05, 2005
From Lebanon II
The Khazouk
I don't think I can craft an english phonetic spelling that would do the word justice.
(3 Syllables: Long Ha with a dry throat followed by Zoo followed by the sound combination of the letter K+a hiccup+choking on a chicken bone)
The Khazouk is one of the most powerful, versatile, graphic concepts in Lebanese folklore.
The word itself translates loosely to Butt-hole Ripper, but its significance reaches far beyond intestinal sado-masochistic pleasures.
Very few have actually experienced the Khazouk, but no one doubts its ability to inflict major anal damage.
The Khazouk is feared, revered, jeered, cheered; it depends on which side the Khazouk you are.
Just always remember the Khazouk you prepare today might end up up yours tomorrow.
I don't think I can craft an english phonetic spelling that would do the word justice.
(3 Syllables: Long Ha with a dry throat followed by Zoo followed by the sound combination of the letter K+a hiccup+choking on a chicken bone)
The Khazouk is one of the most powerful, versatile, graphic concepts in Lebanese folklore.
The word itself translates loosely to Butt-hole Ripper, but its significance reaches far beyond intestinal sado-masochistic pleasures.
Very few have actually experienced the Khazouk, but no one doubts its ability to inflict major anal damage.
The Khazouk is feared, revered, jeered, cheered; it depends on which side the Khazouk you are.
Just always remember the Khazouk you prepare today might end up up yours tomorrow.
Saturday, December 03, 2005
Beirut by Bike...
Beirut by Bike is a new, wholly different, species of animal. There are many things that are impossible to see with the naked eye or with the most powerful microscope for that matter, you need the magnifying power of a balancing act on two wheels to see such things.
I bought a bike yesterday with the sole intention of taking care fo my body. Little did I know that right there I had shaved a few decades off my life expectancy, also the bike seat can't possible be good for the sperm count. Biking in Beirut has the feel of bungee jumping, without the bungee cord. You leave your house with two choices: do you want to ride on the road or the sidewalk? Half the people on the road don't know what a driver's license looks like, the other half acquired it by taking a bribing test. Throw in the crazy cabs and the delivery scooters phenomenon and that eliminates the road option. Sidewalk it is, people cussing you out won't kill you, uncovered manholes will. Suddenly disappearing sidewalks, trees, traffic signs, dog shit, and cars parked on the sidewalk make it a very challenging obstacle course.
I did reach the oceanfront "corniche". I wish I could document everything I saw there but writing while riding is just too much of an additional risk to take. It was a pleasant ride there, clean ocean breeze, relatively, wide flat area to ride in, ocean view, few obstacles except for the little brats running around. I rode back and forth between Manara and Ain Mreisseh for a few hours, well I wasn't keeping time but that's what it felt like. That small of strip of oceanfront is Lebanon's storefront. You can find a little sample of all that lies inside. The copycat entrepreneurial spirit is present in the Corn on the Cob Carts every ten meters, well those who dare to be different sell coffee and bottled water. There is "wazwaz" lovers lane. Plenty of joggers. Plenty of Social Joggers. Plenty of Flirtatious looks. Cliff Fishing. Cliff Diving. Japanese tourists clicking away. Rich kids with the latest rollerblades and skateboards trying to act tough. Couples with full patio furniture sets and the everpresent arguileh. Greenpiece activists. Women in mini skirts. Women in Ninja dress. The Polaroid photographer. Older men playing backgammon. Older men discussing I mean screaming out politics. The Cartoonist. Fortune Tellers. Jehova's Witnesses.
One thing you realize when you realize when your legs tire is that the oceanfront corniche is the lowest point in Beirut. Everything else is on mountain peaks. No matter where you live there is no way to get back home without a steep climb. A steep climb where you gasp for air and all you get is car exhaust. A nice welcome back home after my little escape at the corniche.
I bought a bike yesterday with the sole intention of taking care fo my body. Little did I know that right there I had shaved a few decades off my life expectancy, also the bike seat can't possible be good for the sperm count. Biking in Beirut has the feel of bungee jumping, without the bungee cord. You leave your house with two choices: do you want to ride on the road or the sidewalk? Half the people on the road don't know what a driver's license looks like, the other half acquired it by taking a bribing test. Throw in the crazy cabs and the delivery scooters phenomenon and that eliminates the road option. Sidewalk it is, people cussing you out won't kill you, uncovered manholes will. Suddenly disappearing sidewalks, trees, traffic signs, dog shit, and cars parked on the sidewalk make it a very challenging obstacle course.
I did reach the oceanfront "corniche". I wish I could document everything I saw there but writing while riding is just too much of an additional risk to take. It was a pleasant ride there, clean ocean breeze, relatively, wide flat area to ride in, ocean view, few obstacles except for the little brats running around. I rode back and forth between Manara and Ain Mreisseh for a few hours, well I wasn't keeping time but that's what it felt like. That small of strip of oceanfront is Lebanon's storefront. You can find a little sample of all that lies inside. The copycat entrepreneurial spirit is present in the Corn on the Cob Carts every ten meters, well those who dare to be different sell coffee and bottled water. There is "wazwaz" lovers lane. Plenty of joggers. Plenty of Social Joggers. Plenty of Flirtatious looks. Cliff Fishing. Cliff Diving. Japanese tourists clicking away. Rich kids with the latest rollerblades and skateboards trying to act tough. Couples with full patio furniture sets and the everpresent arguileh. Greenpiece activists. Women in mini skirts. Women in Ninja dress. The Polaroid photographer. Older men playing backgammon. Older men discussing I mean screaming out politics. The Cartoonist. Fortune Tellers. Jehova's Witnesses.
One thing you realize when you realize when your legs tire is that the oceanfront corniche is the lowest point in Beirut. Everything else is on mountain peaks. No matter where you live there is no way to get back home without a steep climb. A steep climb where you gasp for air and all you get is car exhaust. A nice welcome back home after my little escape at the corniche.
Friday, November 25, 2005
Brilliant Idea
Ex-FEMA sham director Michael Brown is starting a disaster preparedness consulting firm!
This action had inspired a revolution in the consulting business.
I, for one, will follow in Brown's steps and start a consulting firm on Career Advice.
Osama bin Laden started the Institute for Tolerance and Dialogue among Cultures.
Lebanese Cab drivers went on a seminar tour on Safe Driving.
Terrel Owens launched T.E.A.M. Inc.
George W. Bush established the W School of Witt.
Condoleezza Rice named her firm: Jane's Hairdressing Salon.
Ariel Sharon has the Peace and Diet Center.
The Pope published the Kama Again Sutra.
The list goes on.
This action had inspired a revolution in the consulting business.
I, for one, will follow in Brown's steps and start a consulting firm on Career Advice.
Osama bin Laden started the Institute for Tolerance and Dialogue among Cultures.
Lebanese Cab drivers went on a seminar tour on Safe Driving.
Terrel Owens launched T.E.A.M. Inc.
George W. Bush established the W School of Witt.
Condoleezza Rice named her firm: Jane's Hairdressing Salon.
Ariel Sharon has the Peace and Diet Center.
The Pope published the Kama Again Sutra.
The list goes on.
Friday, November 18, 2005
Gotta go...
Just because no one can see you on ground level does not mean God (or someone on the 7th floor playing with a camera) doesn't.
Thursday, November 17, 2005
$1000 Reward
If you find this story on Foxnews or CNN
"This is commander. Anything that's mobile, that moves in the zone, even if it's a three-year-old, needs to be killed. Over."
Can you fit 17 bullets in a 3 year old body?
"This is commander. Anything that's mobile, that moves in the zone, even if it's a three-year-old, needs to be killed. Over."
Can you fit 17 bullets in a 3 year old body?
Analysis of the Top 10 Lebanese "Political" Parties
There must be over a 1000 "political" parties in this humongous country, but as a first step I will look into the Top 10 according to the last election results and rate their stock.
1. Future Movement: Banking on the Tupac effect following the assassination of its leader, the Future movement had a strong showing in the elections and was clearly the top party in terms of popular vote (17.2%). However, election time was the peak; its support is already waning within the Sunni community. Saad (ironically means happiness) Hariri has looked weak. The movement has ctrong charity work but lacks any political and economical agenda outside of Hariri Inc.’s business plan. The number’s show almost 40% of the votes came from the north where Saad spent some generous campaign time following his defeat in the third round of elections, that will not hold.
Outlook: Future Movement will continue to be a major player in the Lebanese political landscape as they will continue to be the top Sunni party for a while. But expect it to fall into #3 in the Popularity Rank if it’s not already there.
Favorite Color: Baby Blue. Favorite Day: March 14th.
2. Hezbollah: Here come the Men in Black, and women. Hezbollah has the strongest base among the Lebanese parties, especially since they kicked Israel’s ass out of Lebanon. It has been under a constant American/Israeli attack since its foundation and yet it has managed to grow stronger with time. How? Resistance. They resist occupation, capitalism, communism, money, liquor, make up, colors, entertainment, good image, creativity, music, razor blades, basically anything except sex.
Outlook: At 14.6% of the popular vote, Hezbollah will be around for a long time. It will not grow beyond its current circle of support, however this circle will stretch since they fuck a lot. Each Hezbollah couple is required to have a Mohammad, Ali, Hussein, Hassan, Haydar, Mehdi, Moustafa, Zeinab, Fatima, and Zahra.. Favorite Day: May 25th. Favorite TV Personality: the Midget on the kids shows on Al Manar.
3. Free Patriotic Movement Party: The cool, hip, orange, sexy, fashionable, orange, new kid on the block; this party is the IN party, it has a political platform which is a novelty in Lebanon, even though it looks like it was written by an orange. It’s been referred to as the tsunami and it has lived up to the label, checked in with 14.5% of the popular vote on election day, and has been growing fast. Although it markets itself as secular, its supporters are 99% Christian. 100% Lebanese of course.
Outlook: Well funded and organized and will continue to grow for a while. However, you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. The “General” can talk a good game, but his history doesn’t back it up. Also the “General” is not young, and he is the party, expect a rapid collapse similar to the rapid rise it has enjoyed when the “General” chokes on an orange. Favorite Drink: Orangina. Favorite Color: Guess?
4. Amal Movement: The Party for the Shia who are too cool for Hezbollah. Grasping on to the legend of Musa Sadr, it continues to enjoy a strong southern base. Led by war criminal/ post war public money suction machine Nabih Berri, it has been in constant decline due to the fact that it is nothing, stands for nothing, and represents nothing. In the past year it has adopted the follow Hezbollah in everything they say approach. Well that has them good enough for 8.6% of the voting public.
Outlook: More nothingness so it makes a perfect fertile base for a new party to target. Favorite Color: Fluorescent colors with “kashkash”. Favorite TV Personality: That Herb doctor.
5. Progressive Socialist Party: Although it sounds like a political party, it is not. This is just the code name for the Kingdom of Jumblatt. War Criminal Walid Jumblatt has proven to be the undisputed King of the Mountain. Jumblatt is the smartest, most astute politician in Lebanon.
Outlook: Having a loyal Druze base of 6.2% of Lebanese vote will guarantee the Jumblatts’ generations of presence in the Lebanese political tabbouleh as representatives of their religious sect. The irony here is that Walid Jumblatt just like his father Kamal are atheist. Favorite color: Gray. Favorite Day: Today.
6. Lebanese Forces: Led by the only War Criminal to do jail time, Samir Geagea, the Lebanese Forces enjoy 5.1% of public support. (51% according to LBC). Geagea is a hard core Christian fundamentalist, except he disagrees with Christ on all morality issues. He promises to be a changed more tolerant man in the New Lebanon. He has a HOT wife.
Outlook: Geagea’s time in jail helped increase his popularity, since he was portrayed as an oppressed victim. Well now he is a free man. People can see him and hear him; that is terrible news for his political future.
7. Sleiman Frangieh Gang: Patriarch of Zghorta. Controls 2.4% of Lebanese vote and will pass it on to his kids and grandkids.
Outlook: no changes in the foreseeable future to his reign over Zghorta. Since he’s an ally of both Hezbollah and FPM so he will probably be President of Lebanon at some point in the future.
8. Kornet Shehwan: R.I.P. An amalgam of presidential hopefuls, Kornet Shehwan has parted ways with the Syrian withdrawal as that was their only uniting issue. Only 2.2% of public votes on their own, they try to court the major parties as moderate flexible maronites who can fill the constitutional role of President of the Republic.
Outlook: Boutros Harb and Naseeb Lahoud are strong presidential candidates. Loud and obnoxious Fares Seaid is thankfully gone with the wind.
9. Communist Party: One of 2 parties with equally spread support across religious sects and geographical areas. That explains its low popularity (1.7 %). Once a strong proud party it just couldn’t hold up with the fall of the CCCP and the Berlin wall.
Outlook: Che Guevara T-shirts are raising interest amongst the youth, but how long can that fad last? Favorite color: hmm, what could it be?
10. Syrian National Socialist Party: The other secular geographically spread party. The grand daddy of them all. It is older than Lebanon itself, thus its name. This old fart is good for 1.6% of Lebanese vote.
Outlook: SNSP seems to be making a comeback in recent months by targeting the secular crowd. However, I have two words of advice for them: NEW NAME!!!! “Syrian” and “National Socialist” are a PR double whammy.
1. Future Movement: Banking on the Tupac effect following the assassination of its leader, the Future movement had a strong showing in the elections and was clearly the top party in terms of popular vote (17.2%). However, election time was the peak; its support is already waning within the Sunni community. Saad (ironically means happiness) Hariri has looked weak. The movement has ctrong charity work but lacks any political and economical agenda outside of Hariri Inc.’s business plan. The number’s show almost 40% of the votes came from the north where Saad spent some generous campaign time following his defeat in the third round of elections, that will not hold.
Outlook: Future Movement will continue to be a major player in the Lebanese political landscape as they will continue to be the top Sunni party for a while. But expect it to fall into #3 in the Popularity Rank if it’s not already there.
Favorite Color: Baby Blue. Favorite Day: March 14th.
2. Hezbollah: Here come the Men in Black, and women. Hezbollah has the strongest base among the Lebanese parties, especially since they kicked Israel’s ass out of Lebanon. It has been under a constant American/Israeli attack since its foundation and yet it has managed to grow stronger with time. How? Resistance. They resist occupation, capitalism, communism, money, liquor, make up, colors, entertainment, good image, creativity, music, razor blades, basically anything except sex.
Outlook: At 14.6% of the popular vote, Hezbollah will be around for a long time. It will not grow beyond its current circle of support, however this circle will stretch since they fuck a lot. Each Hezbollah couple is required to have a Mohammad, Ali, Hussein, Hassan, Haydar, Mehdi, Moustafa, Zeinab, Fatima, and Zahra.. Favorite Day: May 25th. Favorite TV Personality: the Midget on the kids shows on Al Manar.
3. Free Patriotic Movement Party: The cool, hip, orange, sexy, fashionable, orange, new kid on the block; this party is the IN party, it has a political platform which is a novelty in Lebanon, even though it looks like it was written by an orange. It’s been referred to as the tsunami and it has lived up to the label, checked in with 14.5% of the popular vote on election day, and has been growing fast. Although it markets itself as secular, its supporters are 99% Christian. 100% Lebanese of course.
Outlook: Well funded and organized and will continue to grow for a while. However, you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. The “General” can talk a good game, but his history doesn’t back it up. Also the “General” is not young, and he is the party, expect a rapid collapse similar to the rapid rise it has enjoyed when the “General” chokes on an orange. Favorite Drink: Orangina. Favorite Color: Guess?
4. Amal Movement: The Party for the Shia who are too cool for Hezbollah. Grasping on to the legend of Musa Sadr, it continues to enjoy a strong southern base. Led by war criminal/ post war public money suction machine Nabih Berri, it has been in constant decline due to the fact that it is nothing, stands for nothing, and represents nothing. In the past year it has adopted the follow Hezbollah in everything they say approach. Well that has them good enough for 8.6% of the voting public.
Outlook: More nothingness so it makes a perfect fertile base for a new party to target. Favorite Color: Fluorescent colors with “kashkash”. Favorite TV Personality: That Herb doctor.
5. Progressive Socialist Party: Although it sounds like a political party, it is not. This is just the code name for the Kingdom of Jumblatt. War Criminal Walid Jumblatt has proven to be the undisputed King of the Mountain. Jumblatt is the smartest, most astute politician in Lebanon.
Outlook: Having a loyal Druze base of 6.2% of Lebanese vote will guarantee the Jumblatts’ generations of presence in the Lebanese political tabbouleh as representatives of their religious sect. The irony here is that Walid Jumblatt just like his father Kamal are atheist. Favorite color: Gray. Favorite Day: Today.
6. Lebanese Forces: Led by the only War Criminal to do jail time, Samir Geagea, the Lebanese Forces enjoy 5.1% of public support. (51% according to LBC). Geagea is a hard core Christian fundamentalist, except he disagrees with Christ on all morality issues. He promises to be a changed more tolerant man in the New Lebanon. He has a HOT wife.
Outlook: Geagea’s time in jail helped increase his popularity, since he was portrayed as an oppressed victim. Well now he is a free man. People can see him and hear him; that is terrible news for his political future.
7. Sleiman Frangieh Gang: Patriarch of Zghorta. Controls 2.4% of Lebanese vote and will pass it on to his kids and grandkids.
Outlook: no changes in the foreseeable future to his reign over Zghorta. Since he’s an ally of both Hezbollah and FPM so he will probably be President of Lebanon at some point in the future.
8. Kornet Shehwan: R.I.P. An amalgam of presidential hopefuls, Kornet Shehwan has parted ways with the Syrian withdrawal as that was their only uniting issue. Only 2.2% of public votes on their own, they try to court the major parties as moderate flexible maronites who can fill the constitutional role of President of the Republic.
Outlook: Boutros Harb and Naseeb Lahoud are strong presidential candidates. Loud and obnoxious Fares Seaid is thankfully gone with the wind.
9. Communist Party: One of 2 parties with equally spread support across religious sects and geographical areas. That explains its low popularity (1.7 %). Once a strong proud party it just couldn’t hold up with the fall of the CCCP and the Berlin wall.
Outlook: Che Guevara T-shirts are raising interest amongst the youth, but how long can that fad last? Favorite color: hmm, what could it be?
10. Syrian National Socialist Party: The other secular geographically spread party. The grand daddy of them all. It is older than Lebanon itself, thus its name. This old fart is good for 1.6% of Lebanese vote.
Outlook: SNSP seems to be making a comeback in recent months by targeting the secular crowd. However, I have two words of advice for them: NEW NAME!!!! “Syrian” and “National Socialist” are a PR double whammy.
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
Shit or Get off the Pot
The current ruling party is in unenviable position these days. Some tough decisions have to be made. Ever since Siniora took over there has been a wait and see approach on many of the critical issues facing the country. The wait was for the Truth. The Truth came and went and the situation only got tougher.
The toughest decision the Hariri camp has to make right now is who they are going to side with in the American attack on the Syria. They have to take a position and suffer its consequences and either position entails a whole lot of suffering.
Mehlis made it clear that for this investigation to reach conclusive evidence it will take months and even years. Waiting for the absolute Truth is not an option, the country can not be on hold for years. So that leaves the Hariri camp with three options.
The first is to assume Syrian guilt. Just openly state that they know the Assad regime killed Rafic Hariri and they will seek justice at any price. That would a courageous and righteous decision if they convince the Lebanese people of Assad’s guilt. Half the population will believe it just because Saad said it, but what about the other half? They will need more evidence and more time, and they don’t have either. Also siding with the Bush Regime against the Assad regime will cost Hariri a lot of support among his voters.
The second option is to forgive and forget. Walid Jumblatt did it when his father was assassinated, but he didn’t have other bills to pay. Not only would they have to stand with Syria knowing they might have Hariri’s blood on their hands, they are going to face American ire in doing so. Any financial help from Wolfowitz to jump start a dead economy will be just a dream, not to mention all the files that would be opened by the US against Lebanon.
The third choice is to step aside. Keep pursuing the Truth and justice for however long it takes, but not as representatives of the Lebanese people. Let someone else make the tough decisions and face the economic and political firestorm Lebanon is heading into. When the Truth is clear, Saad can come back bigger, badder, and stronger. He would come in as the savior, the hero that will clean up the mess left by a Mikati or Hoss government; that is unless they actually succeed.
The clock is ticking…
The toughest decision the Hariri camp has to make right now is who they are going to side with in the American attack on the Syria. They have to take a position and suffer its consequences and either position entails a whole lot of suffering.
Mehlis made it clear that for this investigation to reach conclusive evidence it will take months and even years. Waiting for the absolute Truth is not an option, the country can not be on hold for years. So that leaves the Hariri camp with three options.
The first is to assume Syrian guilt. Just openly state that they know the Assad regime killed Rafic Hariri and they will seek justice at any price. That would a courageous and righteous decision if they convince the Lebanese people of Assad’s guilt. Half the population will believe it just because Saad said it, but what about the other half? They will need more evidence and more time, and they don’t have either. Also siding with the Bush Regime against the Assad regime will cost Hariri a lot of support among his voters.
The second option is to forgive and forget. Walid Jumblatt did it when his father was assassinated, but he didn’t have other bills to pay. Not only would they have to stand with Syria knowing they might have Hariri’s blood on their hands, they are going to face American ire in doing so. Any financial help from Wolfowitz to jump start a dead economy will be just a dream, not to mention all the files that would be opened by the US against Lebanon.
The third choice is to step aside. Keep pursuing the Truth and justice for however long it takes, but not as representatives of the Lebanese people. Let someone else make the tough decisions and face the economic and political firestorm Lebanon is heading into. When the Truth is clear, Saad can come back bigger, badder, and stronger. He would come in as the savior, the hero that will clean up the mess left by a Mikati or Hoss government; that is unless they actually succeed.
The clock is ticking…
Friday, November 11, 2005
Mr. Shit, Meet Miss Fan
Bashar Assad took a page out of George W.’s book yesterday. He blabbed, called Siniora a slave of a slave, and then blabbed some more, but the main points were a Fuck You to the U.N. and a Bring It On to the U.S.
Walk Out
Normal World
5 Ministers walking out of a Cabinet meeting in protest = Healthy Democratic display
Special World
5 Ministers walking out of a Cabinet meeting in protest = Sectarian Strife
5 Ministers walking out of a Cabinet meeting in protest = Healthy Democratic display
Special World
5 Ministers walking out of a Cabinet meeting in protest = Sectarian Strife
Practice Makes Perfect
Today was student government election day at LAU. Middle to upper class kids, higher education, and an American influence provided the perfect setting for a model democratic process.
Well, as of noon the “Abu Bahaa” screamers were fighting with the “Abu Hadi” yellers, classes were called off for the day, and riot police was in full force around campus.
This puppet show will move to AUB next Wednesday.
Well, as of noon the “Abu Bahaa” screamers were fighting with the “Abu Hadi” yellers, classes were called off for the day, and riot police was in full force around campus.
This puppet show will move to AUB next Wednesday.
Monday, November 07, 2005
Hail to the Chief
George W. (and most other presidents for that matter) has to look "Presidential" for a few minutes a week, a couple of hours max on a busy week. That is with plenty of help from top image consultants, advisors, speech writers, and Coco Chanel; and he still comes across as an idiot.
The House of Druze
More secretive than the fortress of solitude, even though it's on one of the busiest intersections in Beirut.
Friday, November 04, 2005
Freedom News
Americans laugh at the French military, rename French fries, and cleverly come up with puns like French Whine. However, America has Geraldo Rivera and France has Melissa Theuriau. France Wins.
More Mooning
Last week, Hezbollah's Hassan Nasrallah criticized the random inclusion of Mr. X in the Mehlis report and all the speculation that followed. "As if Lebanon today needs more reasons for sunni-shia strife," were his words. That was very mature and responsible of him. On to this week, while most of the muslim world including Lebanon's top Shiite cleric declared Thursday as the Eid marking the end of Ramadan, Hezbollah went with Iraq's Sistani's view of the new moon and celebrated* the Eid on Friday. Well here's my message to Nasrallah: As if Lebanon today needs more reasons for sunni-shia strife.
*The celebrations were wild. I'll post the pictures of the wet chador contests once i get them uploaded.
*The celebrations were wild. I'll post the pictures of the wet chador contests once i get them uploaded.
UNSC Resolution # 1636
It has become hard to keep up with these resolutions as a new one pops up every couple of days, but this latest one is their best yet. UNSCR#1636 resoluted something that has not been resoluted in the history of the UN. UNSCR#1636 unanimously declared that Detlev Mehlis is now officially God of Syria. This is great news for all aspiring Gods in the world; the precedent has been set. The author of Bird Flu for Dummies has already finished writing the Complete Idiot’s Guide to Becoming God.
Back to Syria, the B-52s are loaded with bunker buster MOABs, fuel tank is only quarter full but that’s enough these days, Top Gun CD is playing in the cockpit’s CD player, and the pilot sharpens his skills on his Xbox. It will come down to December 15th, when God is due to give his verdict whether Syrian cooperation was satisfactory. So if God is unhappy with the way Bashar shined his shoes, the Original God would say, “George, go liberate Syria.” And George will oblige. If Mehlis somehow gets all he wants from Syria, then it’s on to more UNSC resoluting.
Back to Syria, the B-52s are loaded with bunker buster MOABs, fuel tank is only quarter full but that’s enough these days, Top Gun CD is playing in the cockpit’s CD player, and the pilot sharpens his skills on his Xbox. It will come down to December 15th, when God is due to give his verdict whether Syrian cooperation was satisfactory. So if God is unhappy with the way Bashar shined his shoes, the Original God would say, “George, go liberate Syria.” And George will oblige. If Mehlis somehow gets all he wants from Syria, then it’s on to more UNSC resoluting.
Mehlis Report Timeline
Early Oktober: Detlev Mehlis leaves to Geneva and Germany to finalize the report.
Oktober 20th: He hands Kofi Annan a report then rushes to make changes in it because he didn’t know it was going to be made public!!!
Late Oktober: He’s back in Germany again just waiting for UNSC to decide on further action.
November 1st: Mehlis is back in Beirut ready to resume his investigation, but he has an inexplicable headache.
Prost!
Oktober 20th: He hands Kofi Annan a report then rushes to make changes in it because he didn’t know it was going to be made public!!!
Late Oktober: He’s back in Germany again just waiting for UNSC to decide on further action.
November 1st: Mehlis is back in Beirut ready to resume his investigation, but he has an inexplicable headache.
Prost!
From the Q & A Session
Just random things learned from yesterday’s parliamentary session
- A few years back a Palestinian gang from Ain El Helwe Refugee Camp killed 4 judges in Saida. The killers were on Motorcycles and shot down the judges as they left the courthouse. The punishment for the crime was: BANNING MOTORCYCLES IN SAIDA!
- A Lebanese fisherman disappeared last week. Israel returns his boat with bullet holes and blood traces but no body. The Lebanese Government action in this case was: Absolutely nothing.
- Two mouhafez (county manager) jobs are open and the government listed the vacancies in the newspaper. It turns out that’s unconstitutional, the jobs should be filled through nepotism or as partisan favors.
- There are a lot of missing Lebanese citizens between Syrian and Israeli jails/mass graves. It’s likely that these cases will never be resolved. Ditto for Moussa Sadr who vanished at Ghaddafi’s Tent in Libya. Then the MP’s played the “Name a Libyan other than Ghaddafi” game. Nobody won.
- Speaker of the Parliament/ Former War Criminal Nabih Berri flirted with Nayla Mouawad.
- All in all, about 10 MPs presented a question, about 10 others were absent, and the rest, over a hundred of them, just showed up because it was pay day.
- A few years back a Palestinian gang from Ain El Helwe Refugee Camp killed 4 judges in Saida. The killers were on Motorcycles and shot down the judges as they left the courthouse. The punishment for the crime was: BANNING MOTORCYCLES IN SAIDA!
- A Lebanese fisherman disappeared last week. Israel returns his boat with bullet holes and blood traces but no body. The Lebanese Government action in this case was: Absolutely nothing.
- Two mouhafez (county manager) jobs are open and the government listed the vacancies in the newspaper. It turns out that’s unconstitutional, the jobs should be filled through nepotism or as partisan favors.
- There are a lot of missing Lebanese citizens between Syrian and Israeli jails/mass graves. It’s likely that these cases will never be resolved. Ditto for Moussa Sadr who vanished at Ghaddafi’s Tent in Libya. Then the MP’s played the “Name a Libyan other than Ghaddafi” game. Nobody won.
- Speaker of the Parliament/ Former War Criminal Nabih Berri flirted with Nayla Mouawad.
- All in all, about 10 MPs presented a question, about 10 others were absent, and the rest, over a hundred of them, just showed up because it was pay day.
Tuesday, November 01, 2005
Beirut Taxis
Just substitute Athens for Beirut in this Dave Barry article, and you'll get the most accurate description of a Taxi experience in this town.
Q&A
I was watching today’s Parliamentary Question and Answer session. No one has ever taken part in one of these things so they are learning and setting the rules as they go. It’s like watching a baby take their first steps. So Cute!
Saturday, October 29, 2005
Today's Betting Odds
Which world Capital will be wiped off the map first?
Tokyo 2-1
Damascus 4-1
Tehran 4-1
Tel Aviv 7-1
Baghdad 10-1
Pyongyang 20-1
Beirut 20-1
Washington DC 40-1
Oslo 1,000,000-1
Tokyo 2-1
Damascus 4-1
Tehran 4-1
Tel Aviv 7-1
Baghdad 10-1
Pyongyang 20-1
Beirut 20-1
Washington DC 40-1
Oslo 1,000,000-1
A moment of colorful national Unity
At Wednesday’s Asian Football Cup Final, the VIP section’s political representation featured a sky blue minister, orange and green parliament members, and a yellow former MP, they all cheered for the burgundy.
Can they be that blind?
Absolutely, and you ain’t seen nothing yet.
A month or so ago, the Gazans were idiotically celebrating the “liberation” of that tiny overpopulated parcel of land. The image out of the region was: Israelis agonizing the loss of their homes, Palestinians celebrating the Israelis’ agony, and Jabba being hailed universally as a courageous peace hero. Credit has to be given where it’s due, the PR job by the Israeli government was masterful. Now beyond the façade painted by this PR machine, the Gaza withdrawal was nothing more than a strategic military repositioning. There was 9000 Israelis surrounded by 2 million Palis. That was expensive to maintain and hard to secure. Relocate these settlers to the West Bank, with a nice relocation bonus mind you ($100k-$500k depending on family size). Fortify you positions around this surrounded area. Voila! A prison for 2 million people without having to deal with feeding the prisoners or keeping them from killing each other. More importantly, no Red Cross or Amnesty hippies’ condemnations since it is not a prison but rather a “sovereign territory.” Back to Jabba, he is a blood lusting racist military Hutt. He has killed thousands in his life time and feeling his mortality (since not even industrial strength Drano can clear the clogs in his veins) he wants to go out on the top of his game. His disengagement plan provides him with an engagement zone to work on his master battle. The rehearsal was immediately after the withdrawal/repositioning with some “targeted” air raids on Gaza. This week after a suicide/homicide/martyrdom/crazy-religious-lunatic/desperately-oppressed-confused-soul/terrorist/freedom fighter bomber strikes in northeast Israel, naturally the reprisals come by bombing Gaza (southwest Israel) in addition to hundreds of fake raids just to terrify the liberated citizens of Gaza.
Of course expect more of the same, Zarqawi strikes in Baghdad, bomb Gaza. A terrorist attack in Bali, bomb Gaza. New York Yankees lose, carpet bomb Gaza. Bird Flu, you get the point.
A month or so ago, the Gazans were idiotically celebrating the “liberation” of that tiny overpopulated parcel of land. The image out of the region was: Israelis agonizing the loss of their homes, Palestinians celebrating the Israelis’ agony, and Jabba being hailed universally as a courageous peace hero. Credit has to be given where it’s due, the PR job by the Israeli government was masterful. Now beyond the façade painted by this PR machine, the Gaza withdrawal was nothing more than a strategic military repositioning. There was 9000 Israelis surrounded by 2 million Palis. That was expensive to maintain and hard to secure. Relocate these settlers to the West Bank, with a nice relocation bonus mind you ($100k-$500k depending on family size). Fortify you positions around this surrounded area. Voila! A prison for 2 million people without having to deal with feeding the prisoners or keeping them from killing each other. More importantly, no Red Cross or Amnesty hippies’ condemnations since it is not a prison but rather a “sovereign territory.” Back to Jabba, he is a blood lusting racist military Hutt. He has killed thousands in his life time and feeling his mortality (since not even industrial strength Drano can clear the clogs in his veins) he wants to go out on the top of his game. His disengagement plan provides him with an engagement zone to work on his master battle. The rehearsal was immediately after the withdrawal/repositioning with some “targeted” air raids on Gaza. This week after a suicide/homicide/martyrdom/crazy-religious-lunatic/desperately-oppressed-confused-soul/terrorist/freedom fighter bomber strikes in northeast Israel, naturally the reprisals come by bombing Gaza (southwest Israel) in addition to hundreds of fake raids just to terrify the liberated citizens of Gaza.
Of course expect more of the same, Zarqawi strikes in Baghdad, bomb Gaza. A terrorist attack in Bali, bomb Gaza. New York Yankees lose, carpet bomb Gaza. Bird Flu, you get the point.
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
Bomb Sniffing Chiens
Today I heard one of the guards at the Hariri Mansion address the bomb sniffing dog in French. I guess it makes sense that the dogs are French; nowhere else can you get dogs with more olfactory experience.
Monday, October 24, 2005
From Lebanon
I was inspired by LBC’s nightly segment that highlights the achievements of people with at least half a Lebanese chromosome. So I’m going to do a similar feature that highlights some Lebanese personalities that aren’t sexy enough for primetime television.
The “Natour”
No one knows where they come from but every building has one. The Natour is always easy to spot, he’s the grumpy middle aged man wearing the wife beater and flip flops. While the moustache is easy to explain, one has to wonder how they always manage to have a five o’clock shadow beard. As soon as ground is broken on a building the Natour appears, and no one has been able to outlive a Natour to know how the succession works. Other than occupying the ground floor apartment, the Natour’s activities include tending to the buildings general needs, looking out for intruders, and watering the sidewalk. He is also the exclusive real estate agent for the building, the pirated cable provider, and for the right price a paparazzo. Once an exclusively Lebanese job, it has over the years attracted cheaper foreign labor. However, the Syrians, Egyptians and Sudanese that have stepped into the field have learned and conformed to the old traditions of the job.
The Natour: a proud tradition from Lebanon.
The “Natour”
No one knows where they come from but every building has one. The Natour is always easy to spot, he’s the grumpy middle aged man wearing the wife beater and flip flops. While the moustache is easy to explain, one has to wonder how they always manage to have a five o’clock shadow beard. As soon as ground is broken on a building the Natour appears, and no one has been able to outlive a Natour to know how the succession works. Other than occupying the ground floor apartment, the Natour’s activities include tending to the buildings general needs, looking out for intruders, and watering the sidewalk. He is also the exclusive real estate agent for the building, the pirated cable provider, and for the right price a paparazzo. Once an exclusively Lebanese job, it has over the years attracted cheaper foreign labor. However, the Syrians, Egyptians and Sudanese that have stepped into the field have learned and conformed to the old traditions of the job.
The Natour: a proud tradition from Lebanon.
Friday, October 21, 2005
The Truth Behind the Truth
No real surprises in the Mehlis’ report. Pretty much everything in it had been leaked before today.
It is a sad day when the people entrusted with the protection and safety of the citizens of this country carry out an act like this that almost dragged (and could still drag) the country into a bloody mess. These people should be lynched, tried for treason, or whatever would bring the harshest punishment to them. However, this should come as no surprise to anyone. Lebanon, since its creation, has lived a culture of corruption. Corruption is entrenched in the Lebanese way of life at all levels. A kindergarten student would not get a smiley face on his doodle without an under the desk deal.
In the Hariri case, the victim played a part in cultivating the phenomenon. He bought alliances and protections for many years and that kept him on the Don’s good side and out of harm’s way. However, the Godfather died and his death left the each thug working for his own. A clash of interests created divisions and in this culture it often means blood.
Rafic Hariri had a role in his own assassination. The money used in buying the explosives can be probably traced to him.
Some might argue that Hariri had to play this dirty game to get to a position where he can make change happen. Also, Mr. Hariri can not be compared to the cold blooded assassins that murdered him. Well, I am not a big fan of the “lesser of 2 evils” idea. I also believe that you can’t fight evil with evil, or corruption with corruption, or greed with greed. Once you do that you become a part of the problem.
Mr. Hariri did a lot of good in Lebanon. His charity work is unrivaled. He was devoted to his economic plan(with which I have a few problems) for revival of Lebanon. Unfortunately, the “Truth” showed that his ties and his part in the corrupt mafia network that is the Lebanese political class ultimately doomed him.
It is a sad day when the people entrusted with the protection and safety of the citizens of this country carry out an act like this that almost dragged (and could still drag) the country into a bloody mess. These people should be lynched, tried for treason, or whatever would bring the harshest punishment to them. However, this should come as no surprise to anyone. Lebanon, since its creation, has lived a culture of corruption. Corruption is entrenched in the Lebanese way of life at all levels. A kindergarten student would not get a smiley face on his doodle without an under the desk deal.
In the Hariri case, the victim played a part in cultivating the phenomenon. He bought alliances and protections for many years and that kept him on the Don’s good side and out of harm’s way. However, the Godfather died and his death left the each thug working for his own. A clash of interests created divisions and in this culture it often means blood.
Rafic Hariri had a role in his own assassination. The money used in buying the explosives can be probably traced to him.
Some might argue that Hariri had to play this dirty game to get to a position where he can make change happen. Also, Mr. Hariri can not be compared to the cold blooded assassins that murdered him. Well, I am not a big fan of the “lesser of 2 evils” idea. I also believe that you can’t fight evil with evil, or corruption with corruption, or greed with greed. Once you do that you become a part of the problem.
Mr. Hariri did a lot of good in Lebanon. His charity work is unrivaled. He was devoted to his economic plan(with which I have a few problems) for revival of Lebanon. Unfortunately, the “Truth” showed that his ties and his part in the corrupt mafia network that is the Lebanese political class ultimately doomed him.
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
Replacing the Cedar
I like the Cedar on the flag, but it's not representative. A Cedar lives forever, Lebanon is reborn every generation, Lebanese don't care much for nature, and sadly instead of being the one national symbol the Cedar has mutated into a variety of species depicting different warring tribes.
I suggest the Carrot as a replacement. The Lebanese have always fallen for old carrot trick. In the last century alone the Carrot has been dangled by Ottomania, France, Egypt, Iraq, Iran, Israel, Syria, Saudi Arabia, and most recently by France again and "U.S.A. U.S.A. U.S.A."
Every single time it has been chased by an ASSortment of Lebanese folks.
I suggest the Carrot as a replacement. The Lebanese have always fallen for old carrot trick. In the last century alone the Carrot has been dangled by Ottomania, France, Egypt, Iraq, Iran, Israel, Syria, Saudi Arabia, and most recently by France again and "U.S.A. U.S.A. U.S.A."
Every single time it has been chased by an ASSortment of Lebanese folks.
Thursday, October 13, 2005
Holy Loophole
Some Arab countries rearrange their daily schedules during Ramadan in a way that they can sleep (and amazingly fast too) most of the day and then work at night. God scratches his head as he didn’t see this one coming.
Martyr vs. Just Plain Dead
Since there is a lot of dying going on these days, news channels have to spice up the act of dying to differentiate between a death and a death. However it is very confusing to have a standard classification of deaths as each channel categorizes the dead differently. US troops or contractors are always just plain dead, same applies to Israelis whether they are military or civilians. Palestinians and Iraqi civilians are always martyrs, except on LBC. LBC has everyone as just plain dead except May Chidiac who is a Living Martyr. The earthquake dead are neither martyrs nor just plain dead, they are Victims. Now on to the most confusing one, Iraqi insurgents can be both. They are just plain dead when they blow themselves up killing civilians, who I reiterate are always martyrs. However, sometimes they can be martyrs if they die as a result of an Apache attack. This has changed over the course of last year as Iraqi insurgents used to be mostly martyrs, but they have been downgraded gradually to just plain dead. The newest category is when someone “commits suicide”, these deaths are called shredded evidence.
Something Stinks
The Palestinian Authority has commissioned a team to investigate the cause of death of former #1 abuser of the Palestinian cause Yasser Arafat. They suspect foul play. How could someone so young, so healthy, and so handsome die so suddenly?
Meanwhile grieving widow Suha Arafat still hasn’t finished counting the cash her late husband had stashed under his mattress.
Meanwhile grieving widow Suha Arafat still hasn’t finished counting the cash her late husband had stashed under his mattress.
Great Head
CNN’s Christianne Amanpour’s scalp should be studied by agricultural engineers. I’m sure their findings will lead to the biggest discovery in the soil fertility industry since manure.
Lost in Translation
Here are some words that you will not find in the Arabic Language:
Accountability
Strategy
Fashion
Decision
Proactive
Creativity
Plan
Thinker
Facts
Accountability
Strategy
Fashion
Decision
Proactive
Creativity
Plan
Thinker
Facts
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
The Kanaanite Era
I somehow doubt Ghazi Kanaan had a tell all book in the works, but maybe he will somehow expose all the "leaders" of Lebanon. He has plenty of dirt on them. Pretty much everyone in the current political picture was at one time or another a business partner of Ghazi Kanaan (Only Exception is probably Aoun, who was a business partner of Saddam Hussein, but that's a different topic for a different day). Ghazi Kanaan, unlike his successor Rustum Ghazaleh, was a tactful corrupt dictator. He didn't want it all, just 90% of everything, and he shared his loot with the local "leaders". That is why you didn't hear a peep about wanting the Syrians out during the Kanaan Reign. Everyone was happy running their little mafia operations. As a former neighbor of Kanaan I can tell you this, as long as you didn't come in direct competition with him you were left free to do as you wish. Now back to today's event, while I do not know whether or not Kanaan was directly involved in the Hariri Assassination and what it had to do with his mysterious death, I can say this at some point in the not so distant past Hariri and Kanaan were friends and partners in greed.
Ghazi Kanaan Dead
Lebanon’s former dictator Ghazi Kanaan is dead. Syrian official story claims he committed suicide, but that doesn’t mean much.
One thing is for sure though: the Assad regime is in its final hours. While that might seem like a great idea, the precedent set in Iraq for the fall of a ruthless dictator hasn’t been pretty. I expect the Arab big boys and even the US to step in and bail Assad out because they can’t afford another Iraq.
I still don’t know what Kanaan’s final revelation which he gave to Voice of Lebanon was… but he sure sounded like he knew he’s dead. He said: “Get this message to Pierre Daher (LBC), New TV, and NBN as this will be my final declaration.”
More to come…
One thing is for sure though: the Assad regime is in its final hours. While that might seem like a great idea, the precedent set in Iraq for the fall of a ruthless dictator hasn’t been pretty. I expect the Arab big boys and even the US to step in and bail Assad out because they can’t afford another Iraq.
I still don’t know what Kanaan’s final revelation which he gave to Voice of Lebanon was… but he sure sounded like he knew he’s dead. He said: “Get this message to Pierre Daher (LBC), New TV, and NBN as this will be my final declaration.”
More to come…
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
Political Double Talk (Pardon the Redundancy)
Today US Ambassador Jeffrey Feltman-Ghazaleh visited Minister of Work Trad Hamade. Feltman-Ghazaleh along with many other US officials including Scott McClellan and Condoleeza Rice have on many occasions said they will not deal with the members of Hezbollah in the cabinet. So what is the US stance on Hezbollah Ministers? Are they really going to stand by the story that Hamade, even though directly named by Hezbollah for the post, is not a card holding member of the party?
Personally, I think it's just about the beard. (Hamade doesn't have one, while the other Hezbollah Minister Mohammad Fneish does.)
Personally, I think it's just about the beard. (Hamade doesn't have one, while the other Hezbollah Minister Mohammad Fneish does.)
Friday, October 07, 2005
God Told me "Yo J, Thou shall post this story", and I did.
'God would tell me, 'George, go and fight those terrorists in Afghanistan'.'"And I did, and then God would tell me, 'George, go and end the tyranny in Iraq...' And I did. Link to Story
Thursday, October 06, 2005
Americans Tax Money Wisely Invested
Al Hurra TV, which is how Bush wanted to win over the Middle East’s hearts and minds, is viewed by about 3 people in the region. So if you are an American Tax Payer ask your congressman to close this failed project (they don’t even show college football games) and save the money for some other scam.
We were robbed
The Nobel Prize for Physics this year had to be for Lebanon. Who else was able to accomplish something as impressive as time travel? Look around you, the “leaders” of the country are Michel Aoun, Samir Geagea, Walid Jumblat, Nabih Berri, A bearded guy from Hezbollah, and a newcomer by the name of Hariri. Explosions, sectarian divides are high, we are arguing whether we are an Arab country or not, deciding on who our friends are and who are our foes, a prime minister was assassinated, It’s 1988!!!
Who’s their marketing manager?
Al Jama’a Al Islamiya has posters all over town preaching to young men and women. One of them reads: “ Dear sisters, Do you accept to be a marketing tool and a body that attracts looks.” Who wants to be a tool? Now wouldn’t they get a much more positive response if they rephrase it: “Wanna be a Model?”
Truly Lebanese Products that are Actually World Class.
While Lebanese people like to brag that everything that comes out of Lebanon is the BEST. Most of it is crap. Also we like to take credit for things that aren’t really local products, but there are a few things that come out of here that are Excellent.
Here’s what I have seen so far that this Country can be truly proud of (I will add to this list as I discover more things):
Patchi Chocolates: Patchi sugar-free milk chocolate is the best thing my taste buds ever felt.
Massaya Wines and Arak: These Ghosns sure know their grapes.
Grapes: I’m no expert but I’ve read that Lebanon has the best soil and weather for vineyards.
Hasheesh: see Above.
Conserves Chtaura Products: Excellent Jams, I’m addicted to their strawberry jam.
Haifa Wehbe’s Boobs: Whether surgically enhanced or not these are top notch.
Basketball: with no facilities, money, or support. Back to back World Cup appearances and Second place finishes in Asia are very impressive.
Elie Saab: from local sewing machines to a top name in Hollywood dresses is quite an accomplishment.
Lunch: A Lebanese Lunch is a whole day event, the way it should be. McDonald’s’s evil concept has caused immeasurable damage to society.
Hallab sweets: While there is a wide range of Lebanese sweets, the northern variety is by far the best. Halawet el Jebn, Znoud el Set, and Knafe are my top 3. (Technically Hallab and his Sweets pre-date Lebanon, as a newspaper clipping from the 1880’s on their wall shows. It lists the address as Trablous, Al-Sham)
Here’s what I have seen so far that this Country can be truly proud of (I will add to this list as I discover more things):
Patchi Chocolates: Patchi sugar-free milk chocolate is the best thing my taste buds ever felt.
Massaya Wines and Arak: These Ghosns sure know their grapes.
Grapes: I’m no expert but I’ve read that Lebanon has the best soil and weather for vineyards.
Hasheesh: see Above.
Conserves Chtaura Products: Excellent Jams, I’m addicted to their strawberry jam.
Haifa Wehbe’s Boobs: Whether surgically enhanced or not these are top notch.
Basketball: with no facilities, money, or support. Back to back World Cup appearances and Second place finishes in Asia are very impressive.
Elie Saab: from local sewing machines to a top name in Hollywood dresses is quite an accomplishment.
Lunch: A Lebanese Lunch is a whole day event, the way it should be. McDonald’s’s evil concept has caused immeasurable damage to society.
Hallab sweets: While there is a wide range of Lebanese sweets, the northern variety is by far the best. Halawet el Jebn, Znoud el Set, and Knafe are my top 3. (Technically Hallab and his Sweets pre-date Lebanon, as a newspaper clipping from the 1880’s on their wall shows. It lists the address as Trablous, Al-Sham)
Pipo* Award Nominee: Neemetallah Abi Nasr
I know I couldn’t stand this guy for more than just his Fran Dresher voice.
Member of Parliament Neemetallah Abi Nasr (Free Patriotic Movement Bloc) was on Al Arabiya TV discussing the Sexist Lebanese law that denies citizenship to the sons and husbands of Lebanese women who marry foreigners. The fact that Abi Nasr was defending this indefensible law is bad enough but his sexist, racist, and hypocritical arguments were just too much.
We’ll start with the sexist part, he said what if the woman marries someone who’s an enemy to Lebanon, he used an Israeli as an example, and then this person got the citizenship and married again and gave this citizenship to his wives and kids. Then what happens when they reproduce further he wondered. (I’m dead serious he actually said all this absurdity.)
Then he went on to say what if a woman marries someone that doesn’t speak Arabic. OH NO!!! I guess he came up with this one specially for Al Arabiya TV. Mind you, Abi Nasr is a huge proponent of giving citizenships to 3rd generation Lebanese migrants who neither they nor their parents have set foot in Lebanon, speak a word of Arabic, or even consider themselves remotely Lebanese. No one seems to have a problem with Joe Vogel getting the Lebanese nationality, but 7 foot tall basketball players have a special law.
Enough with Abi Nasr silly tales, the real issue here is and has always been the demographical balance of powers in this tribal country. The Lebanese people do everything possible (legally and illegally) to get a foreign citizenship (any citizenship), yet when it comes to giving the sacred Lebanese citizenship to people who want and deserve it, they have all these absurd laws and rules that are nothing more than masks for racism. This is not about the Israeli, French, or Finnish Men getting the Lebanese Citizenship. What the heck would they want it for? This is about those who need the Lebanese citizenship because it’s better than what they got now.
How do politicians in the New and Best Lebanon yet get away with this blatant hatred? They don’t get away with it. They get rewarded for it. The remarks of this award’s namesake won him a seat in the cabinet as Minister of Industry. Gibran Tuweini (another Pipo Finalist) calling a group of people sheep shepherded him into the Parliament.
* pronounced (pee po):Racism Award named after Pierre Gemayel for his infamous Quality and Quantity speech.
Member of Parliament Neemetallah Abi Nasr (Free Patriotic Movement Bloc) was on Al Arabiya TV discussing the Sexist Lebanese law that denies citizenship to the sons and husbands of Lebanese women who marry foreigners. The fact that Abi Nasr was defending this indefensible law is bad enough but his sexist, racist, and hypocritical arguments were just too much.
We’ll start with the sexist part, he said what if the woman marries someone who’s an enemy to Lebanon, he used an Israeli as an example, and then this person got the citizenship and married again and gave this citizenship to his wives and kids. Then what happens when they reproduce further he wondered. (I’m dead serious he actually said all this absurdity.)
Then he went on to say what if a woman marries someone that doesn’t speak Arabic. OH NO!!! I guess he came up with this one specially for Al Arabiya TV. Mind you, Abi Nasr is a huge proponent of giving citizenships to 3rd generation Lebanese migrants who neither they nor their parents have set foot in Lebanon, speak a word of Arabic, or even consider themselves remotely Lebanese. No one seems to have a problem with Joe Vogel getting the Lebanese nationality, but 7 foot tall basketball players have a special law.
Enough with Abi Nasr silly tales, the real issue here is and has always been the demographical balance of powers in this tribal country. The Lebanese people do everything possible (legally and illegally) to get a foreign citizenship (any citizenship), yet when it comes to giving the sacred Lebanese citizenship to people who want and deserve it, they have all these absurd laws and rules that are nothing more than masks for racism. This is not about the Israeli, French, or Finnish Men getting the Lebanese Citizenship. What the heck would they want it for? This is about those who need the Lebanese citizenship because it’s better than what they got now.
How do politicians in the New and Best Lebanon yet get away with this blatant hatred? They don’t get away with it. They get rewarded for it. The remarks of this award’s namesake won him a seat in the cabinet as Minister of Industry. Gibran Tuweini (another Pipo Finalist) calling a group of people sheep shepherded him into the Parliament.
* pronounced (pee po):Racism Award named after Pierre Gemayel for his infamous Quality and Quantity speech.
Wednesday, October 05, 2005
Ronaldinho a terrorist?
Aside from his Un-American act of playing Football; his Champions League games are aired here on Al Manar TV(probably the station's most viewed and thus most income producing programs). That TV channel happens to be on Washington's Terrorist Exclusion List.
Assad: “Mistakes were made in Lebanon”
A mistake is when you use Salt instead of Sugar. I think what the Syrian Mukhabarat did in Lebanon was slightly more than “mistakes”.
UN Security Council Resolution #1559
Jabba The Hutt Sharon wants UNSCR 1559 fully implemented. First of all, it is hilarious that he is asking for the implementation of a UN resolution when there are 700 of those pending Israeli compliance. But I googled this resolution to see first hand what it calls for. Here’s the Legalese-/Political double talk-free version:
a.) To Bashar Assad, ARIEL SHARON, and the Icelandians for that matter: Leave Lebanon the fuck Alone.
Sounds good , but here’s the second part.
b.) My Grandfather and his fellow backgammon playing retirees in the villages of South Lebanon should expose their surgically reconstructed hips, bend over, and hand the Vaseline to Sharon.
There are some sick people in the UN.
a.) To Bashar Assad, ARIEL SHARON, and the Icelandians for that matter: Leave Lebanon the fuck Alone.
Sounds good , but here’s the second part.
b.) My Grandfather and his fellow backgammon playing retirees in the villages of South Lebanon should expose their surgically reconstructed hips, bend over, and hand the Vaseline to Sharon.
There are some sick people in the UN.
Deja Vu
Again this year Muslims couldn’t agree on when the new moon that marks the start of Ramadan was. Why they don’t just google it beats the hell out of me.
George Omnipresent W. Bush
I find it amazing how this man can always know what is best for the people of Ukraine, Lebanon (or Lebanom as he prefers to call it), Afghanistan, Venezuela, and Fallujah all at once. You can also see the pain he feels when he talks about the suffering of the people in different parts of the world. His ability to put himself in the shoes of the oppressed (if they can afford shoes) from his golf cart in Crawford is more miraculous than anything Mother Theresa ever did; therefore, I call for Pope Former Nazius XVI to do the thing he does to canonize this great humanitarian
Is now the time to point fingers?
George Bush mentioned at a news conference, in New Orleans in response to a question that was critical of FEMA, that then was not the time to point fingers. Is it time yet?
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
Taxi Driver Conspiracy du Jour
The Government never arrested the former security chiefs as suspects in the Hariri assassination. His argument: " Have I seen them in Jail?" Well, he has a point.
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