Lebanon 82 - Venezuela 72

No honking, no fireworks. But Lebanon wins its first game at the World Championships.

After a slow start and 17 first half turnovers, the Lebanese team woke up in time to dominate late. Joe Vogel kept us in the game early and Fadi El Khatib had a huge second half, but the surprise today was Ali Mahmoud's performance off the bench. Rony Fahed wasn't his usual self today and Paul Coughter went for plan B with Mahmoud, and what a game he had. Roy Samaha had a good game on defense, but dude's gotta make the easy layups.

This is Lebanon's first win at this level, and I'm glad I woke up before dawn (is dawn before or after sunrise?) to witness it.

Let's do this one more time and move on to the Second Round.

*Photo Source: AP

Rebounding and a (Fast) Break

Lebanon's National Basketball team arrived in Japan today to participate in the World Championships. I highly doubt there is any team in this tournament that had as rough a time preparing for this tournament, so basically just the fact that we are there is a huge accomplishment. Still a win at this stage would be nice. Our best chances to avoid a winless participation are in our first and last games.

Lebanon-Venezuela, Saturday 7:00 am Beirut Time
Lebanon-Argentina (Olympic Gold Medalists), Sunday 10:00 am
Lebanon-Serbia & Montenegro (5 Time Champions under a different name), Monday 10:00 am
Lebanon-France, Wednesday 1:00 pm
Lebanon-Nigeria, Thursday 10:00 am

Yalla Ya Shabeb!!!

Anagram of the Day (Recycled)

Bashar Assad: A Bad Ass Rash

A letter to the People of Lebanon

I owe you an apology. You've proved me wrong.

I had no faith in you. You must admit, history was not on your side.

I thought you would crack under fire. Israel thought so too, it was banking on it. It based its whole war on this premise. How could they not think so, any observer of Lebanon's never ending internal friction could see how feebly tied together this society was.

I saw you a month ago creating divisions on top of divisions just so you can further taunt each other. You have used every shade in the color spectrum to differentiate yourselves from your neighbors, cousins, and brothers.

I was doubting the concept of Lebanon. I was afraid it will become just another history lesson of failed sociological experiments.

Lebanon will not be a failed experiment because of you, mighty people of Lebanon. Your will will never be bent, your Country will forever be respected, because of you. An army of 4 million hardened unique soldiers cannot be defeated.

I don't know what it is that holds all of you freaks together, but it is damn special.

I was wrong about you.

Please accept my apologies.

Angry and Soon to be Unemployed Olmert Days 32 & 33

13 hours to go until the promised ceasefire.

Just over a month ago, a man by the name of Ehutzpanim Olmert declared war on Lebanon to send it back 20 years, to free 2 Israeli soldiers, and to destroy Hezbollah.

Instead he earned himself war criminal credentials, strengthened Hezbollah considerably, and caused damage to the Israeli army image that not even 20 years would fix. Not a very successful war, is it?

A couple of hours ago, Israeli F-16's bombed the hell out of another Beirut suburbs neighborhood. 11 high rise buildings were reduced to rubble. The scene is repeated throughout the country in a "final?" muscle flexing show of Israel's ability to destroy stuff and kill civilians. Bravo! Now someone throw Olmert a cookie, since he failed to earn a trophy or even a medal.


P.S. I want to point out that quote attributed to me in today's New York Times is a cut and paste job of different things I said during our conversation re-arranged conveniently out of context to make it "fit to print."

Angry Olmert Days 30 & 31

Early wake up call today.

I counted over 20 blasts before 5:30 am, which shows you that after a month of Olmert war crimes his Israeli superior mass murdering machine is resorting to random bombing of buildings in hope of catching something in his line of fire. Anything.

All the Hezbollah legitimate targets that Israel knew of were targeted in the first couple of days of this killing campaign. Everything since then has been frustrated mass homicide. Israel did not just discover that the 20+ buildings targeted today were strategic targets that they have missed, they just wanted to bomb stuff.

The biggest sign of Israel's military inability to hit targets of value can be seen around the world 24 hours a day. Al Manar Television, whose home has been reduced to sand from numerous bombings since day 1 of this war, is still broadcasting 24 hours a day. Not only is it a constant taunt for Israeli's confused military intelligence, but it hosts live daily shows with visiting guests. If Israel can't find the studio of a fully staffed TV station that they've been trying to destroy for a month, how are they to be expected to find Hezbollah's top leadership? Oh wait they captured a Hassan Nasrallah in Baalbeck.

Speaking of press, or lack of press in this case, have you noticed that IDF casualties are always confirmed between 2 and 3 am local time. While the IDF insists on a daily basis that their battles in Lebanon are going smoothly and spend all day denying any losses, sometime before dawn when no one is listening they sneak out a report that reads something like that: "The IDF lost 3,5,8, or 15 soldiers in battles near Aita El Shaab." That report is buried into the back pages by the time the sun rises.

Just now, news reports of another war crime against civilians are coming in from Akkar. 12 reportedly died by Israeli F-16 bombs. For those of you not familiar with Lebanon, Akkar is the Northern most district in Lebanon. No Hezbollah, no Katyushas, so let's just call them Islamo-fascists with bottles of liquid and disposable cameras.

Angry Olmert Days 28 & 29

The war rages on with no end or gas in sight. At this pace, sometime next week I'll have to start blogging using smoke signals.

Speaking of smoke, we have not even began to grasp the extent of lives that will be cut short by Israel's war crimes against Lebanon. When the dust and the other venomous substances in our air settle, the disease outbreaks will begin. With one million people living in places that are not meant to be human homes, we're going to have the normal airborne contagious diseases spreading widely. Medicine shortages caused by the Israeli enforced embargo will surely affect more than few people with chronic diseases, not to mention those in villages where roads have been erased off the map.

All that is before we go into the crazy scientist experiments being conducted on us. In all fairness though, Hezbollah fighters are using biological weapons too. Anyone who has tried Kibbeh Nayyeh Jnoubiyyeh knows what I'm talking about. The Israelis in their Merkavas expected a breeze instead they are ill sailing against a mighty wind.

Finally, on the subject of stinkers, the Israelis switched commanders for their war on Lebanon. I can't wait for my Israeli visitors to explain to me how this move is a sign that things are going according to plan.

Angry Olmert Day 27

The Israeli terror raids are getting closer and closer. I guess the people of Shiyyah sleep with rockets under their beds too. Judging by previous performances by the IDF intelligence, this was probably just another name confusion incident. They probably confused pocket rockets for long range weapon systems. A pocket rocket is a vibrator used by females (and some males) for self gratification purposes; it's military usefulness is almost nil.

Another masturbation tool for females is the dildo. A wide array of them was on display today in Beirut. The widest of them being .....I'll stop here before I jeopardize our reconstruction fund collection.

As for the south of the border gamecock, he's still putting the moves on Aita El Shaab. 27 days of flirtation and he still hasn't come close to sniffing anything, which makes him a certifiable limpdick.

Angry Olmert Days 25 & 26

1000 Deaths. Olmert's War on Lebanon has now claimed over 1000 Lives.

Over a third are under the age of 13. 13 kids under 13 a day, yet the world's freedom lovers are taking their sweet ass time to do anything about it. They just don't care. No one cares. That's moral superiority.

This is military superiority for you. 90% of the Israeli killing machine's victims have been civillian, or what the dehumanaizing media prefers to call collateral damage. Meanwhile, the big bad so called terrorists have been causing most of their damage non-collaterally against the Israeli military.

On to technological superiority, the distance from the border fence to the village of Aita El Shaab is 900 meters. That is about a 10 minute walk for an able body. It would take you less than a minute to cover that distance in a Renault 12. An average tortoise would make it in 6 hours. 26 days and counting for the state of the art Merkava beasts...

...

I started writing this yesterday. I don't feel like finishing it tonight, but since I don't want to go three days without checking in; here I'll post it as is.

Shalom..

Angry Olmert Day 24

I lost my internet connection, so I'm checking in from a smokey dungeon that happens to be conveniently equipped with Commodore 64s.

I have to get out of this place as soon as possible since the odor of this place is already invading my clothes, and with that showing better military offensive skills than Olmert's Elite. I can't exactly make it out, but I can tell it has a heavy dose of Marlboro and Gauloises, a few Gitanes and Winstons thrown in, and a hint of Hermel's finest.

Speaking of Hermel, that was the site of Olmert's massacre du jour but no one will care about those killed since they are mostly poor kurdish farmers. However, Olmert really pissed off the Saudis today by bombing the Casino du Liban road. Upon hearing the news Saud Al Faysal said he'll head to Beirut on Monday to work on immediate ceasefire.

I really need to get away from this cloud of cancer.

Heading straight to the shower.

Angry Olmert Day 23

The air raids returned to Beirut's southern suburbs which means we are sleeping to sweet sounds of F-16 lullabies.

Today, Hezbollah's big boss spoke for the first time since Saturday. Let's meet Hassan Nasrallah. He's only the most popular living figure in the arab world today, yet the rest of the world only knows him as another bearded Sheikh.

Who is this arrogant, chubby, myopic lisper who just froze countries and world "leaders" in anticipation of every word coming out his mouth?

First of all he's Lebanese, thus the arrogance; From the South, thus his "healthy" appetite; and born and raised in East Beirut, thus the lisp.

Another important thing you need to know is that the man lovvvvvvvves to talk. He can go on and on and on....

Now on to the current conflict, the dude has Israel dazed and bumfuzzled. Angry Olmert feels impotent in this military confrontation against the Sayyed. So in a desperate attempt to get himself some mojo, Olmert ordered a massive military operation to get himself a Hassan Nasrallah. This was just a brilliant move that no one saw coming. Talk about an Ace up his sleave, Olmert's troops got their man while he was in a middle of card game.

If that is not an omen of an impending change of fortunes, I don't know what is.

Angry Olmert Day 22

Make that Angrier Olmert.

As if death simmering over the fire he lit 3 weeks ago wasn't enough, Olmert and his blood lusting crew kicked it up a notch today. After taking care of Qana, Olmert is looking for another medal. What will it be? A nursery? An orphanage? The special olympics?

That elusive medal; Forget the Trophy. He'll probably settle for bronze right about now.
Yesterday, I pointed out Olmert's lame propaganda machine. Today I would like to talk about his flat out lies. Oh wait that is just not possible to cover in one day. Plus I'm very sleepy.

I'm just going to snooze now, could it be one of Olmert's chemical experiments that is making me this sleepy? Nah, no chance in hell, he isn't that humane. Nothing less than charred bodies would satiate his cravings.

Power just went out, later....

Angry Olmert Day 21

750 civilian deaths and counting in Olmert's raging war against women and children, or as he prefers to call them: terrorist farms because there are no innocent civilians. Lebanese children don't hug teddy bears when they sleep, they sleep with katyushas in their beds in case you didn't know.

Israeli military incompetence has exceeded all expectations, that was a bit surprising. Surely though their random killing and destruction credentials are untouched.

More surprising, however, is their war propaganda which has shown complete creative bankruptcy. For example , the number of Hezbollah fighters the IDF have claimed to kill is always a round number. I would recommend they use odd numbers more often, 43-31-17 -93 makes it sound more credible than 200-20-40-50.

May I also recommend a computer program called Adobe Photoshop. You can very easily place a chubby black turbanned dude running into any of the civilian shelters you plan on bringing down on top of 42 kids under the age of 13.

As for the cartoons, fliers, and radio interference; that was so amateurish that it's not even worth discussing.

My favorite war propaganda item though is the "strategic redeployment". If you are planning to "strategically redeploy" your ass out of a village, DO NOT spend a week hyping it up as the Capital of Hezbollah.

I can provide you with plenty more tricks if you want. Just tell Halutz, Peretz, or Olmertz to contact me. I'm sure they have no problem reaching me, I'm a civilian after all.

Angry Olmert Day 20

A day late since my internet connection does not work on candle light.


Anyways, I'll be posting something later today.

Angry Olmert Day 19

Qana 1996

:'( )':

Qana 2006

Angry Olmert Day 18

"Ummm, It's essential, uhhhh, that we do what's, ahhhhhh, right -- not necessarily, ummmm, what appears to be, ohhhhh, immediately popular."

George Bush stuttered these words yesterday as he stood next to his loyal alibi from the land of royals with cool accents. What's the definition of Democracy again? Never mind.

I must say thank God and all his annointed men on earth that we have a man in Washington DC that is willing to decide what is Right for us in Lebanon and impose it on us dumb fucks. A "peace proposal" will fall from the sky tomorrow and land in our bombed out airport. We must accept it and kiss it on both cheeks because that is what's right.

Do what we say is right, or have nothing left. Don't be naughty, listen to Rice. All sort of offers we can't refuse, yet the self-righteous one does not bring up the obvious solution according to 99% of the civilized 21st century humans on this globe.

Immediate cease-fire and peaceful negotiations.

Alas, that is just not, umm, ahhh, oohhh, ummm, uhh... Right.

Angry Olmert Day 17

Day 17 of Olmert's military campaign against Lebanon sees no major changes. Civilians still being killed by the dozens by Israel's war machine with the blessings of Bush's team of liberators. There doesn't seem to be any efforts in sight to stop the bloodshed. The world watches on TV, feels bad but does nothing.

Lebanon has become part of Bush's New Middle East Project. The most democratic country in the Middle East, the most diverse country in the Middle East, the country whose people enjoy the most freedoms and rights in the Middle East is being punished for not being submissive. Meanwhile the root of extremism and champions of oppression are praised as moderate allies in the New Middle East.

Lebanon will be the example for the New Middle East alright. It won't be what the nincompoops in Washington are hoping for though. We will make it happen without invading countries or bullying people. Our will will not be bent. Our choices will be respected. We will set an example, that is beyond doubt.

What is questionable though is how long will Olmert be willing to do Bush's bidding in Lebanon. Is he dumb enough to turn Israel into a sacrificial lamb for Bush's failed experiments in the region? Well, he is, but how long will the Israelis put up with his ever-changing goals and diminishing expectations. He might've been angry, but he's starting to look more like Dazed Olmert, or In way over his head Olmert, or Singing-the Lebanon-blues Olmert, or ok You get the point.

Later....

Angry Olmert Day 16

I don't want to get accused of only pointing the negative side of Olmert's vicious criminal war.
If you look beyond the 500 civilians killed so far and the immeasurable pain and suffering he inflicted on the people of Lebanon and the people of Israel for that matter, you might find a positive.

Back in January I tipped the scales at 96.5 Kg. When I saw that number I freaked out and started a serious diet. My goal was 89 Kg, but when I hit 91 Kg I was content with my achievement and went back to pigging out. Since then I've hovered around that weight.

Today, after 2 weeks under siege and no working elevator, I weigh 87.5 Kg.

I look and feel great. Heck, Ariel Sharon has had tubes up every orifice in his body over that same period of time, he has kept a strict diet of liquid dripping from a sac(yummyyy), he's had half his brain removed, and he probably still weighs more than me.

Surveillance planes are overhead now. That's usually a sign that the F-16s will be following soon.

Good Night.

Angry Olmert Day 15

...and on the 15th day I tooketh a break...

Angry Olmert Day 14

Since a ceasefire seems to be frowned upon by the whole universe, a.k.a the Bush Regime, it's time to make the necessary lifestyle adjustments to withstand a long battle. With bread prices going up and liquor prices going down some choices are too obvious. Other decisions, however, aren't quite as easy.

When commuting, for example, the only variables to consider used to be traffic congestion and the parking situation at your destination. Now you have to monitor truck activity, plan a route that minimizes bridge usage, plan a route that actually still exists, factor in the gas consumption index since what is burnt might not be easily replaced, and then scrap it all and stay put since no commute is worth getting killed by a precision phosphorus bomb.

Another daily dilemma is how to budget your Gillette Super Turbo Mach 3's with gooey stuff. Shaving must become less frequent, but you have to make sure you don't let it go a day too long for the obvious reason that Olmert is too eager these days to show his people pictures of dead bearded men.

More on these issues in the coming days, but can someone please explain to me what the heck does a post-menopausal virgin know about birth pangs!

Angry Olmert Day 13

While the world's attention is divided between the border skirmishes and the diplomatic empty talk, I want to remind you of the plight of hundreds of thousands of Lebanese people.

Over half a million people have been left homeless by Olmert's war crimes. A lucky few are getting to sleep on the floor in overcrowded apartments. The grand majority have lost their homes and all their belongings overnight, courtesy of precision weapons which happen to accidently cause mass destruction, to find themselves in schoolyards and rat infested parks.

Then there are those who are stranded in many isolated villages in the south. They are told by the Israeli armed assassins to leave their homes, even though there are no ways in or out. If they do leave, they are met by the most technologically advanced, but not always legal, weaponry. Off course those are designed to annihilate everything in or around their path.

The peace-loving democracy-spreading rulers of the free world don't seem to be too keen on the idea of a ceasefire. Probably because it will lead to that alien and barbaric concept of "peaceful negotiations and resolutions." That only means the humanitarian catastrophe Lebanon is facing is due to worsen. The destruction of all ports and roads won't help much.

What I'm trying to get to is that we all need to get off our asses and help. We're gonna need to provide help today, tomorrow, and for a long time in the foreseeable future.

Angry Olmert Day 12

Day 12 of Olmert's killing campaign is in the books and still no military accomplishments to speak of. This is the point where you start making them up. These make believe scenarios have to be creative, captivating, and convincing. Recent examples of such practices can be seen in Bush's War on Terror. Remember when the CIA stopped a group of Haitians in Miami seconds before they punctured a Sears Tower voodoo doll? How about that junkie here in Clemenceau that was going to flood Manhattan in one of his LSD trips?

Ok, maybe make-believe war accomplishments don't have to be convincing but they must make for catchy headlines. So in an effort to help Olmert sell a "victory" to his people and so that he stops killing civilians left and right, I propose we compile a list of war trophy headlines that he can showcase in lieu of real accomplishments.

I'll get it started:

-Mossad Agents trim Nasrallah's Beard, Render him Powerless.
-Overdose of Eighties' War Songs Drive Lebanese Society Nuts.
-....

Angry Olmert Day 11

Beirut is still relatively calm today. Most people think it's because of the American evacuations taking place these days. Whatever the reason for this lull is, I don't expect it to last especially with the lack of any military progress for Olmert's terrorist troops.

Lebanon has been taking a pounding for eleven days, but we still stand tall. Olmert tried to sever our knees, only to see us rise higher. Chopped our hands off and we reached further. Olmert stuck a dagger in our heart, but the heartbeat got stronger.

Yo Olmert, baffled huh? This isn't the Lebanon of 1982. It is not the Lebanon of 2000 either.

In 2006, Lebanon hears through your empty noise. Take out our eyes but you can't blind us.

To Olmert's credit though, he is realizing Lebanon won't break. He is moving to plan B.

If you can't fool the Lebanese, fool yourself. Kill more innocent civilians and tell your people you are finishing off Hezbollah. They'll believe you and hail you as a hero. Isn't that what you wanted in the first place?

Be careful what you wish for though, you might get the same heroic end as your master.

Angry Olmert Day 10

I've been out and about all day today and I haven't had time to write something up. I do have a question for Olmert though.

After killing over 300 Lebanese Civilians and destroying the infrastructure a country, what have you accomplished?

How much closer are you to the Goals you set up for your war?

... Thought So.


I'll leave you with a song tune that will be annoyingly stuck in your head and that you will be humming all night long. Sorry.

War!
Huh!
Yeah!

What is it good for?

Absolutely nothing,Uh-huh

Angry Olmert Day 9

Beirut has been calm today. Again that's not the case in the South where for the second day in a row Israel is attempting to advance on the ground. Ariel Sharon is still shitting himself, while his understudy is scratching his bald head looking for a way out of the "Lebanese Mud".

Olmert is discovering that even in the driest month of the year, Lebanon is as muddy as ever for his killing machine. The high ceiling he set for this bloody adventure on Day 1 is looking more unrealistic with every passing day. Instead Olmert is looking for any trophy photo op to save face. Until then expect a plethora of crimes against civilians and barrage of lies to cover them up.

Olmert's problem is that he failed to realize that no one can figure out Lebanon, not even the Lebanese understand Lebanon. Lebanon is and has always been a permanently PMSing female.Thinking that he had it all figured out and that he could manipulate this little country, he proceeded with his little killing campaign. Well, that arrogance is only gonna get him a swift kick in the balls.

Olmert is trying to tame the untamable. Well let's see his face when he finally concedes that his only way out is through negotiations. It won't be the face of someone stuck in Lebanese Mud; It'll be the face of someone absorbing the full force of a Lebanese Khazouk.

Angry Olmert Day 8

Beirut is relatively calm again. That is not the case with the other areas where it has been the fiercest since the beginning of the Israeli offensive against Lebanon. Olmert's killing machine is still doing a heck of job rooting out civilians on the run. Wait though, according to some Israeli propagandists who have infested the comments section of this blog, "There are no innocent civilians. Even the Babies are "terrorist" sympathizers."

Let's use this twisted logic for a second. Hezbollah earned about 400,000 nationwide in the last elections. Add to that the number of kids who apparently are fair game for the Israeli military targeting and you'll get about a million people.
So according to Olmert and buddies these one million people are legitimate killing prospects.

By this same logic, there is a consensus in Israel supporting this killing campaign. Again using Israeli logic, civilians with sympathy towards assassins are fair game for targeting. I repeat by Israeli logic, 4 to 5 million Israelis might be civilians but they are killer sympathizers. Definitely not innocent and should not be spared in this confrontation.

What do you think? Sounds Fair?

So my Israeli friends,
As angry and frustrated Olmert continues to cowardly kill civilians, I have no doubt you will find more creative ways to spin it and legitimize these killings. Go ahead convince yourselves that crushing a fleeing family is necessary for a safer Israel but believe me you are only fooling yourselves.

Angry Olmert Day 7

Today I toured a few of the shelters, well that's if you can call an open area with no roof and no place to sleep a shelter. I see a need for a relief effort coordination. I spoke to the supervisors in different sites, and while they are doing a great job running their sites there seems to be a lack of communication with other sites and relief organizations. So extra food in one site is not getting to places where they need food. The same goes for volunteers and other supplies.

Seeing how the relief effort will have to go on well after a possible ceasefire, coordination and long term planning is of utmost importance. So any people with ideas or resources to create such a coordination effort, please contact me or the different volunteer groups. We all can help, and we have to help for a long time as this is a humanitarian disaster that the whole world is happy to applaud. One thing I heard in all camps is that there is a shortage of medicine and a complete absence of the government. I'm sure the truckload of medicine that was liberated by an Israeli F-16 today in Zahle won't ease the situation. Also entertainers for kids are very important. They have a clown and a puppeteer alternating at one site, but just picture hundreds of kids bored and asking "Are we there yet?" simultaneously.

Now, what you'll find an excess of across every school, park, or any other make shift shelter you visit are high spirits. That'll surely make Olmert even angrier.

Later...

Angry Olmert Day 6

A cloud of smoke, dust, and death still fills the sky of Beirut. 200 have been murdered and hundreds more maimed by Olmert’s killing machine. A lot of the villages in the south are running out of food and water. Israeli planes order those villagers to evacuate within an hour yet they shoot anything that moves. Who’s the terrorist again?

Guess what though. The Lebanese are more determined, more united, and more defiant than ever. My sister, who wept uncontrollably the first night, now sleeps through the blasts even though they are getting louder and more frequent. We persevere.

I was watching highlights of La Fiesta de San Fermin. You have a 600 Kilogram Mad Bull taking on a 75 Kg Fighter. The animal comes out strutting his force running full speed across the ring. The animal attacks brutally anything that moves in front of it. The animal huffs and puffs. The crowd just watches and cheers. Some cheer on the animal, others cheer on the human. Then the animal is pinched. A little pinch that won’t bring down this massive creature. It does hurt though and a hurt bull becomes angrier, madder. The animal charges with more vengeance this time. An impressive massive force charging towards skinny clowns whose balls are hanging out. The bull is poked a couple of more times. More pain means more madness. The animal now charges thinking it’s going for the kill. 600 Kilograms of fury charging towards a target. The target is hit, no kill though. There was nothing there. The animal tries again, again no kill. Angry madness turns into Frustration. A frustrated animal charges, but it’s running out of steam. The animal gets dizzy. The fighter grabs the bull by the horns. The bull is humiliated. The bull doesn’t stop though. It doesn’t think, it just attacks.

In the end the animal always dies and is dragged out in complete humiliation.

Lebanon doesn’t die.

Angry Olmert Day 5

The Israeli propaganda machine is trying to paint this war as an Islamists war on Jews. Playing the anti-semitism card is always the way out for Israel when they have nothing else to legitimize their killing machine. Especially after their terrorism card stopped being effective considering the only terrorism being practiced currently is that of the Israeli Air Force on Millions of Lebanese civilians.

But let us look a little more into that claim.

Islamist resistance movements are only new comers to the picture. Long before Hezbollah and Hamas, Israeli oppression of Palestinians and Lebanese created many resistance movements. None of them were Islamist. The initial wave of resistance was leftist and secular. Israel’s destruction of these movements aided the rise in Islamist movements. Israel preferred dealing with Islamists because waging a war on “religious wackos” would be an easier sell for their PR machine. The invasions of Lebanon in 1978 and 1982 were before Hezbollah even existed. Comatose Sharon’s claim to fame in Sabra and Shatila was one of the reasons Hezbollah started appealing to the populace. That was in 1983 long after 1948 and 1967 when Islamism was nowhere to be found.
We can thank Israeli policy for the rise in religious fanaticism in the region as its racist oppressive strategy since 1948 brought this upon us.

So when Israeli missiles blow up a bus of fleeing civilians and their spokespeople claim that "religious anti-semitic wackos" were hiding under the bus, they are only trying to make their ethnic cleansing practices more acceptable to the western audience.


On to today's events, the sun is not visible in Beirut today, a cloud of smoke and dust fills the sky. The night was rough, the explosions are getting louder and more frequent. Personally, I got used to it and I slept through it. A lot of families are sleeping huddled in open areas in different areas of Beirut. Schools are packed with people left homeless by Olmert's war. Olmert is trying to earn his stripes. Right now the only stripes he has earned are of a frustrated killer.

Hezbollah hit Haifa's port, oil refinery, and train station this morning, so expect Israel to retaliate by bombing another bus full of fleeing families since they already bombed all of our ports and oil refineries.

More later...

Angry Olmert Day 4.5

Right now we can feel the escalation. While the night was calm, the day has been anything but.

The streets of Beirut are emptier than yesterday at this time. Most people are starting to prepare for a long term confrontation. No one handles a psychological war like the Lebanese people. Civilians have been hit hard. Bombs are getting bigger and louder. At the pace this thing is going, a long term confrontation would mean regional involvement. I still think the US would not allow this conflict to spillover to Syria and Iran.

Olmert's bet on a sectarian uprising or infighting breaking out and taking care of Hezbollah for them seems less likely to materialize with each passing air raid. We're divided and we hate each other, but one thing that brings all together is the Israeli war machine. Most of us have felt their crimes first hand and memories die hard. Others still hold grudges against Israel for using them and then leaving them out to dry. Hezbollah will have to answer a few questions when all is said and done, but we will not do Israel's dirty work. We're not that dumb.



Beirut Port being hit hard, I just heard about 10 blasts.

More Later...

Angry Olmert Day 4

I'll take time to address some of the issues that come up in the comments section of this blog. I'd like to thank all those participating. As a firm believer in free speech and exchange of opinions (and negotiations to resolve conflict for that matter), I appreciate those of you taking time to share your views without calling me or others monkeys.

First Issue: The State of Israel is a racist entity. For those of you trying to argue that it's less racist than Saudi Arabia I say nice choice of a role model. I don't think that's who you should be aspiring to emulate, but that's just me. To those calling me a hypocrite for only seeing Israel's faults, I refer you to the archives of this blog where you'll find plenty of criticism of what's wrong in Lebanon. I've been venting for a year about Lebanon while I'm just getting started on Israel so stay tuned for a lot of "surprises". More later.

As for today's killing campaign. Reports just in say that 12 civilians fleeing their village in the South were killed by missiles fired from an F-16. So Hezbollah last night dealt another blow to the Israeli Military by destroying one of its warships, Israel retaliates by killing defenselesss civilians. Nice use of the superior military machine.

Right now things seem to be heading towards a prolonged confrontation. Olmert promised a lot of things he can't fulfill which has him looking for a way to end this in way he could save face. The only thing he can brag about is wide destruction and killing of tens of civilian.

I just heard a loud explosion. Last night was relatively calm in Beirut which was good for catching up on sleep after a few sleepless nights. These 4 days have been exhausting which makes you feel for the people of Gaza who've been suffering this treatment for weeks. Well more like years. The goal is submission, but no human being likes to be bullied. There goes another loud explosion

Again I renew my earlier assertion to Rambo Olmert. You can negotiate today, or you can negotiate in a week, or you can negotiate in 3 months. In the end that's your only choice.

Angry Olmert Day 3

So Olmert woke me up at 3 am, made my mom freak out, made my sister weep uncontrollably, made me take a cold shower with no water pressure this morning, and he expects me to support his effort to eradicate Hezbollah.

But let's talk about Peace.

I've noticed a high number of Israelis on Lebanese blogs these days claiming they want peace. They say we deserve what we are getting for supporting a violent group like Hezbollah.

Oh really! When was the last time the Israelis elected a non-violent government? When was the last time Israelis elected someone who is willing to make the necessary concessions for a FAIR peace deal? When was the last time they chose someone who's willing to stand against the numerous oppresive racist practices against the Palestinians?

You don't want peace. You want your own version of imposed peace on submissive dogs.

Show me an Israeli politician with a fair peace plan, someone who's not a racist oppressive pig, and I'll be first in line to shake his hand.

But as long as your are willing to to punish millions of civillians because someone is willing to stand up to your successive governments' injustices, you will never have peace. WE will never have peace.

أعذر من أنذر

This is a leaflet dropped earlier tonight. It Basically reads:

Duck Motherfuckers!!!

Signed: State of Israel.

Angry Olmert Day 2

It's seems my analytical opinion on the situation as of last night was seen as an endorsement and pissed off some people. Oh well, your problem not mine.

Anyways, this morning I woke up to the noise of a different kind of fireworks. I think it was a combination of F-16s with punctured exhaust pipes and Soviet-made anti-aircraft artillery.

Last night I said I expected Israel to "punish" and then retreat to avoid escalation and Hezbollah fire power.

(Sorry I need a break , I see a 5 month-old-baby's charred body on Future TV right now.)

Olmert disagrees with me and thinks he should kill, burn 5 month-old-baby-terrorists, kill some more, and then face the inevitable negotiations.

I still think there will be no further escalations and a cease-fire agreement will be reached soon.Olmert needed to show he's not too kind, as if there was a danger of that, but now what?

Olmert can choose to annihilate Hezbollah completely. That would involve a major regional war that I don't think Israel is ready for or that the world community would allow. So that leaves Olmert with the only the choice of when to stop the killing and start the negotiations. Do it today with 30 civillians dead already, or do it next week with 300 dead.

I'm afraid 300 might be the number closer to quenching his blood thirst.

We're All Hezbollah

Whether we like it or not.

I woke up today thinking Barazil beat Luxemburg or some other soccer power with all the fireworks and honking I heard. It turns out it was something much less important.

Hezbollah did something this morning they've been promising to do for years, yet it caught millions of people by surprise.

Israel, expectedly after a huge military and moral blow, retaliated strongly by air and by sea.

Olmert is promising more hell, but I think it's just hot air.

Hezbollah did their thing in the morning and and then sat back and watched . Israel hit roads and nothing else.

Why?

Because any further escalation would give Hezbollah the right (per the April 1996 Agreement) to hit back.

Power station for power station. Tourist season for Tourist Season.

Israel knows Hezbollah rockets are in place, ready, aimed and can reach deep into Israel. 15,000 of them. And that's even before the "surprise".

Israel had to retaliate. No way they could let an act of aggression by Hezbollah go "unpunished." So they barked, hit roads, and killed civilians. In the end they will sit down and negotiate.

Hezbollah acted unilaterally and they will get some criticism for it in Lebanon, especially for endangering the precious tourist season. However, regionally they got millions of admirers for being the only group in the world to do something about the rape of Gaza. Sure, Nasrallah insists today was all about Lebanon and Lebanese POWs, but who is he kidding.
It wasn't and there is no shame in that.

At the end of the day Hezbollah proves they are strong, very strong actually, and Israel is not used to dealing with a strong foe.

Reel in the F-16s and start the negotiations, there just is no other option.

Your North, My South

I will hold out until later tonight for a full reading on today's border situation.

But I expect things to calm down tonight.


Feel free to vent here.

40 Days til the World Cup!

Well, technically it's the World Championship. Lebanon plays in the inaugural game against my country of birth, but I doubt the excitement level in the streets of Beirut on that day will match that of the day Ba Ra Zil played Croatia in a dull game decided by a fortunate kick by a dude named Doodoo.

Personally, I think 2 wins in the group stage should be our goal. Then again I spoke with a member of the National Team a couple of weeks ago and they hadn't even began their headbutting drills. They seem to be taking the Brazil approach of just showing up obese and hoping to win it all.

....

Former President Hrawi passed away. He'll be remembered for kissing Claudia Schiffer and signing off on cute little 39% annual interest government loans.

....


Also, I was watching a really funny show on TV earlier with a cute old man who looks to be on his 9th wife and/or heart attack interviewing a cute caring country couple. As I watched I happened to see this cute little news item roll on the screen.

"Israel continues Gaza search for kidnapped soldier."

A cute little game of Hide n' Seek is all it is.

Welcome to Fatfat's

• One falafel and one alqaeda please.
• Right away, sir. Would you like a drink with your order?

You Son of a...

A son of a martyr has been going at it with another son of a martyr in a war of words and accusations that has prompted one son of a martyr to sue the other son of a martyr for defamation.

One of these sons of martyrs has been busy pissing people off as his attack on a bishop pushed a son of a martyr, who's starting to fill in for his mom the widow of a martyr, to meet with a couple of brothers of martyrs amongst others to denounce the son of a martyr.

On another front, a previously mentioned son of a martyr had some delicious sesame covered cookies from Damascus with another son of a martyr. This was seen as a first step for reconciliation between the sons of martyrs and those who allegedly made them sons of martyrs. The power of Sesame opens doors again, just like in the fable.

If you adjust the title of that fable for population growth, how many thieves would we have today?

I am afraid not even 40 Ali Babas can do the job.

From Lebanon 20

The Sahsouh.

The Sahsouh is a ritual performed on a male who's showing off a freshly cut head of hair.
It aims at restoring a feeling of warmth to a recently-shaved, cold, and naked neck through a severe blow from the palm of a hand. The Sahsouh is always accompanied with the word "Naeeman" which you'd think means "Die motherfucker!" but is actually part of hair cuttery pleasantries.

There are no documented cases of paralysis caused by a Sahsouh, but any look around town shows that brain damage is clearly widespread.

Everytime we try to shed the image of violence associated with our culture, something like a Sahsouh comes up and pushes us back to square one.
It is an act performed by people of all ages that are close to the hair styled person. By close I mean that they know his name and/or are within striking range.

Sometimes a Sahsouh is preceded by the Sahsouh jingle that is meant to help you prepare mentally for the inevitable moment of contact.

So the next time you see a man sporting a hairy neck in Lebanon, know that it is not a grooming mishap but rather a defense mechanism to save his neck. I'm not sure if the same criteria works for other body parts.

The Sahsouh; yet another proud tradition from the hairy homeland.

National Sausage Fest Day 500

As I type this Elie Skaff and friends are once again meeting to discuss a defense strategy against summer season bugs and mosquitoes. Don't you hate it when you're enjoying a day on the beach and a zionist dragonfly dives into your mojito? That won't happen anymore if Elie Skaff gets his way today in session #500 of the national dialogue.

Today also marks 500 days of searching for the Truth. Well 500 days of searching for justice since the Truth has been known since day 1: Rafiq Hariri committed suicide.

Beirut was ranked as the 32nd most expensive city in the world this year, yet I see a lot of "Bas 500LL" shops around town. I wonder what can you find at these shops. Are they just stocked with gum and Bonjus?

500LL is the bus fare, but beware of being spotted in a bus. It's social suicide; you'd be permanently blacklisted at Crystal.

500 Palestinians will be crushed under 500 tanks in the next week. 500 people worldwide will notice, the rest are busy watching the World Cup.

500 also happens to be the average temperature in Beirut these days. It's Graduation season these days, so every day 500 Lebanese people get in line to apply for visas. $500 is the average airfare they'd have to pay.

Yalla off to work now. "500 kirmal allah bas 500."

Job Searching is a Piece of Baklava

Job searching in Lebanon is very easy. Grab As-Safir for example which is one of the Top 3 dailies in Beirut. Look for the job listings . On a good day you'll find 3 jobs listed, two of which are in the gulf so that leaves you with one ad which you excitedly circle.

"Office in need of a Dactylo-savvy female secretary, submit photos to Mr. Sleaze."

You don't remember what a Dactylo looks like so Voila , your search is done.

I didnt' say finding a job was easy, that's of the 7th impossibilities*.


*If you happen to know what the 7th impossiblities are , please do feel free to share that knowledge.

More Sex Talk

This poll was taken in 2003 (Courtesy of : Information International) when the now famous Kodder was in college.

Less than 50% of Females who don't approve of premarital sex state Fear of Family or Society as the reason. So we have roughly 50% of the College Age Society who tolerates premarital sex even if they don't necessarily practice it. On top of that, more than half of those who disapprove of it do so for reasons other than the "Taboo" Factor (i.e. Personal Conviction, Religion, STDs). Some might argue Religion is a Taboo factor but that opens a whole other can of worms.

In my opinion these reasons are to be respected as part of the Lebanese culture and not to be mistaken with evil cock teasing techniques that women practice just to see their loved ones with blue balls.
The tolerance level of premarital sex at USJ for example is probably higher than many conservative western colleges. So, in conclusion, these numbers prove that the Lebanese Society (at least those in their 20s) is not as sexually frustrated as some are arguing.

Whatever your taste is , there is something for you. So what some are labeling as Taboo, I prefer to call Tabooleh. It is something to be cherished and preserved and not something that should be changed.

Enjoy your weekend.


PS: No personal insults will be tolerated.

Francogate Update

The Romanians are willing to compromise by withdrawing the invitation to the Prime Minister and instead inviting a couple of not so prime ministers. However, they are still stubbornly refusing to budge on the Constitutional Council issue. Bush, however, promised he won't rest until Romanians stop interfering in Lebanon and stop impeding true democracy. He won't rest.

He'd better do something before they start Ceauşescuing the Lebanese. On second thought, there are a fewthat deserve to be Ceauşescued... peacefully and democratically of course.

For the record, when I say Romanians I'm just referring to the Romanian regime. We love the Romanian people and we appreciate their labor force's contribution to the Lebanese economy, especially in Summer. Some might argue that they take jobs away from the Lebanese but that is not true because the Lebanese just won't do some of the jobs the Romanians are willing to take.

A's to Q's

Kodder the gutter minded blogger asks: What is your favorite position?

I follow the Jumblatt school of thought on positions. Years ago, Kamal Sutra Jumblatt traveled to India seeking spiritual enlightenment and while at the Mumbai Barnes and Noble he picked up a book. A young Walid came across this book and was heavily influenced by it. When he grew up he decided to apply this book's philosophy to politics. That is why you see him today trying a different position every day: for, against, dishing it, taking it, on top, face down, on the side, but most of the time just wacking off.
That's where I stand, I hope that answers your question you sicko.

Laila asks: Shu derij hal iyyem? (What's in these days?)

Shame on you! You call yourself Lebanese? You should know this question is forbidden in Lebanon. We don't ask, "What's In?" We are genetically designed (by the best Italian genetic designer) to always know "What's In." Of course, I can't share that answer with anyone because then everyoone will be A La Mode, and I won't be able to criticize them for being Passe and Unlebanese.

For your effort you do get the Ras El 3abed which is so not Derij. You will have to pay for shipping and handling though. I will ask Lipos, the worst named corporate marketing mascot in the history of badly named corporate marketing mascots, how much it costs to ship a box of Lebanese grease to Massaasssachusssssetttssssss.


Mgh asks: Will Lebanon ever become the Orient's Switzerland again?

At the right angle and with favorable lighting, yes. But the question is who wants to be like Switzerland? How boring is that?

Agy asks about the nicest bikini on the beach and where I saw it.

I was at La Guava in Rmeileh yesterday and there were plenty of nice bikinis, but the nicest was this black Victoria's Secret with a strapless top. The bottom was filled up in a way that would put J Lo to shame. I think that's as far as I can go without getting in too much trouble. But I do hear Eddeh Sands is the Best in Show.


Amal asks: Emta Raji3?

Kariban jiddan jiddan jiddan.


Mgh again asks are Shib3a farms Lebanese or Syrian?

Right now the Israeli flag flies there. Since that's not option, we'll have to take it down and see what happens. If a Syrian flag rises, then they are clearly Syrian. Now if A Barazilian, German, Italian, Argentinean, and English flag go up, then they're clearly Lebanese.


Hilal wants my opinion of General Orange's cleanliness.

I say of course he's clean , but not by choice. There just is no loot to be had when you are constantly on the losing end of wars. Currently, he once again finds himself on the outside looking in on all the fun being had, but I have a feeling he'll have his chance soon. Let's see if he can resist the generosity of Shaab Lubnan el Atheem who's willing to fall in 2 years' income worth of debt just to please their leaders.

Eve asks: what is the thing that made you decide to leave everything behind and return to Lebanon?

I longed for the smell of Cedars in the morning, that is why I moved to El Hamra.


Thank you all for your questions. If you still want cheap candy you can try again later.

Je suis Francophone

Tu es Francophone.
Il est Francophone.
Elle est Francophone.
Nous sommes Francophone.
Vous etes Francophone.
Ils sont Francophone.
Elles sont Francophone.

Il serait Francophone?

I'm not sure what is more ridiculous; that fact that there is a Francophone Summit or that this Summit's invitation has caused this much commotion on the local political scene?

Heck, it even achieved the impossible task of buying Lahoud some love amongst a group that was calling for him to "Fel!" a couple of months back.

Meanwhile, the Romanian deputy foreign minister was in Beirut today and he was blamed for the inexplicable obscene national debt, the brain drain, the erosion of Lebanon's greenery, 50 Cent's 50 minute scam of a concert, ART's lame production of World Cup studio shows.....

On Vacation ... I wish

I'm hoping to spend the next couple of days on a beach as I 'm completely burnt out. It's a plan that will probably fall through, but in case I succeed in getting away I have decided to leave an open mike behind.

Feel free to use the comments section of this post to drop me any questions you would like answered about Lebanon. Political questions, Social, Cultural, Culinary, Spy Networks, Invesigative Teams, Sports, Fashion, Curitiba, Warfare, Shoe Size....

Anything goes even if it has nothing to do with Lebanon, ... just kidding, I know that's impossible.

A box of Ras El 3abed or Bonjus will go to the best Question.

Expectations vs. Reality

Red= Expected Route, Agreed upon drop off point, 10 minutes, 1000LL
Blue= Actual Route, "Lucky I was Dropped off alive" point, 30 minutes, 0 LL

Tale of Two Cities

Curitiba, Brazil (Last Night)

The streets were as timid as the Win

"Just a few motorists hoisted flags, and only a handful honked their horns.
No fireworks were wasted after this unsatisfying display.
Before the game the atmosphere at bars was animated ...... after barely a 1-0, dissappointment was the only thing present as people paid their bills."


Beirut, Lebanon (Last Night)

5 pm (5 hours before kickoff) Cars Honking, Firecrackers cracking, Flags Waving, Chants of "Ba Ra Zil" all over town.

8 pm Cars Honking, Fire crackers cracking, Flags Waving, Chant of "Ba Ra Zil" all over town

10 pm (Gametime) People still on the streets, Cars Honking, Flags Waving, "Ba Ra Zil"etc...

Midnight (Final Whistle) Fireworks, Heavy artillery fire, Cars Honking, Flags Waving, "Ba Ra Zil" all over town

1 am Normal people Trying to sleep, Fireworks still going strong, Car Honking increasing, Flags Waving, "Ba Ra Zil"

2 am Normal people still trying to sleep, Car honking not showing any signs of slowing down, Flags Waving, "Ba Ra Zil"

3 am "Kiss Emm El Ba Ra Zil Akhou Sharmouta!!!"

Weekend Recap

Do I have to abide by the pact of honor? I am sure this blog does not qualify as a media outlet that’s causing tension between various communities of Lebanon or a media outlet period for that matter. But I do have at least double the readership of some of the Beirut dailies. Who the heck reads Al Liwaa or Al Sharq Newspaper?

I’ll play it safe though, from now on I will only talk positively of our divine political leaders since everyone has some good qualities. It isn’t fair to always point out their shortcomings. For example from now on it’s no longer criminal warlord Samir Geagea, instead it’ll be Doctor Samir Geagea, albeit with an extremely low patient survival rate.

On to the World Cup, I used to be very skeptical of witchcraft and voodoo. Saturday night, however, I witnessed Swedish players trip or slip every time they had a clear chance to score (which was pretty much all game long.) For a klutz like me to trip and fall is a very normal and common occurrence, but for world class athletes to spend 90 minutes on their asses something supernatural had to be interfering. Whatever it was I am happy for Trinidad who celebrated Zero-Zero as if they had won the World Cup. Off course, they’ve got nothing on the Lebanese who take to the streets celebrating after each single game played in this World Cup, Win, Lose, or Draw.

Finally, Brammertz turned in his second report, and The Truth is… lost.

Genuine National Unity

There is only one place in Lebanon where people are truly united. Every single person there no matter their sectarian allegiance feels exactly the same as all the other people around. Abu Elie stands teary-eyed right next to a veiled Imm Hussein. They look in the same direction looking for the same thing. They’ve been waiting for this moment, for who knows how long, two, five, maybe twenty years. The last things on their minds are all the divisive slogans, the color differentiations, and the God-complexed demagogues.

This place is the Arrivals Area at the Beirut International Airport. Everyone in Lebanon stands there at some point in time. Now if we can only bring the Lebanese there all at the same time. What would happen? Would the Lebanese people see that problems that plague Lebanon affect everyone and do not discriminate between the sects?

Doubtful.

National Sausage Fest – Episode June

This promises to be the hottest session yet. While outdoors it will surely eclipse 30 degrees, the heat index will easily trump that mark inside the Parliament building.

Spoiler Alert: I watched a sneak peak and here's what will happen. If you don't want to know how it ends and would like to see it for yourself tomorrow skip the rest of this post.
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The first scene shows everyone except Hassan Nasrallah walking into the building, looking to their left, and waving at the cameras. Everyone wonders if Hassan Nasrallah is actually coming.

Once inside they find Nasrallah is already at the table, so the first dramatic instant ends uneventfully. Then the media comes inside for photo ops, hypocrisy, smiles, hypocrisy, handshakes, and more hypocrisy. You wonder who's the bad guy and who's the hero. Could they all be bad? No,can't be! Impossible! There must be a hero. Of course there is one but we don't know it yet; it's Elie Skaff.

Amin Gemayel speaks first asking the dialoguers to declare June 1st Sheikh Sami's Day commemorating Sheikh Sami's heroic battle to save Crystal. Here Saad's eyes tear up, reminiscing about his pony-tailed-Blue-Label-chugging days at Crystal. It's not easy being a Zaeem.

Then it was on to the arms. Saad dared Jumblatt to arm wrestle Nasrallah. Jumblatt dog dared Geagea to do it. Geagea double dog dared Saad. Saad triple dog dared Jumblatt. Jumblatt triple black dog dared Geagea. Well that cycle kept going for 3 hours when the bell rang sending everyone home.

Teacher Berri then comes out and says that it was a very productive, honest, sincere, and fun session. So much fun that they'll do this one more time in July, one week after a controversial protest or a riot that puts the country again on the brink of war.

Goooaaaaaallllll!

Let's see. You steal something daily over many many years. Finally, after these many many years, the rightful owner of what has been and continues to be stolen comes forward and asks you to stop. What do you do?

Run crying to the Lebanese government off course. They'll surely cover your ass. No one protects and encourages thieves like our esteemed government.

The Government brokered a deal between the owners of the pirated cable companies and ART so that the Pirated Cable operations can continue their robbery during World Cup season. Sure they'd have to pay a symbolic figure for the games, but yeah that should teach them not to steal ever again. Well, it sure helps the most these cable providers have close ties to those who cover their asses.

If you're a thief that is not associated with one of the ruling parties, you will still be treated better than honest citizens by this government but not as well as the loyalist thieves. Lebanoon is just like that, we love rewarding crime.

Oh wait, this was done so that the poor Lebanese people don't have to suffer without the games. How Noble.

From Lebanon 18

MJ

No, not Michael Jordan. This is not LBC. Michael Jackson has enough plastic surgery to be an honorary Lebanese, but no, he is not MJ.

MJ is short for "Min Jamaetna" meaning "Our Folk".

The Lebanese express themselves differently when in mixed crowds as opposed to when they are surrounded exclusively by MJs. Amongst MJs there are no red lines, not Hariri, Not Nasrallah, and not the Patriarch; not even Jesus's and Mohammed's genitals.

Since most Lebanese feel overly burdened by having to act tolerant most of the day (at school, work, the supermarket,etc...), most MJ gatherings turn into non-MJ bashing sessions. These sessions serve as anger release therapy that contribute to the relative Peace we live in today.

Infiltrating MJ sessions is always fun. I personally have been mistakenly allowed in on almost all colors of MJ gatherings; the Armenian variety has been a lone exception due to the language barrier. They are all pretty much the same, "Our MJ are the better than the others for such and such reasons". Ironically the same exact resons are used by the other MJs to justify their superiority.

MJ, Two letters that make Two face-ness a cultural norm in Lebanon.

بيضات بلادي

Abu Fares was a Peaceful, Healthy Farmer
One Day, While working the field. He stepped on a landmine...

He couldn't work anymore or earn his family's living.

The World Rehabilitation Fund helped him build a chicken den
to raise and produce home grown eggs, in spite of that pesky little kid.

Pesky little kid chases a hen.

The Hens lay eggs, the rooster brags about his fertility.

That's why when you buy Shouman's eggs...

...you can fry them or soft boil them...

pesky little kid gets what he deserves after making a move on a chick,

and everyone lives happily ever after.

Just when you thought it's a slow Day

Here come the Hezbollahis to prove they have the sense of humor of a Pea by burning shit. Now I would never ever watch the show in question because..., well, it's stupid. I have seen a different cinematographic gem by Charbel Khalil though that proves that he's a bigotted idiot, but he has the right to freely express his bigotry just like you have the right to TURN OFF THE TV!!!

Anyways, I hope the anti-riot force that was prepared for the commies yesterday is still awake tonight. Yalla, Good Night.

Drive By Protest

I was walking in the Sanayeh area today and I encountered a protest in front of the Interior Ministry. I'm not sure what the protest was about, but I am certain it was the Communist Party. Shocking, I know.

About 50 armed Policemen guarded the Ministry on full alert. The protesters were 10, 3 of which were undercover agents infiltrating the crowds. Here's how you spot undercover agents at a communist rally. One, they have used a razor within the past year (applies to both sexes). Two, they don't know the words to Sheikh Imam songs. Three, their red shirts are not washed out.

After I enjoyed a couple of Marcel Khalife classics by this enthusiastic chorus, I proceeded with my walk since I knew there will be no real action with the police outnumbering the protestors 5-1. I reach the corner and I saw 3 truckloads of Riot Police in a parking lot waiting for trouble to start.

"يا طخّو، يا بتكسر مخّو"

White Summer

Lebanese Mating Season runs from late April until mid September, Thursday through Sunday of each week. The April early birds are those who make the decision to get hitched in winter but courteously wait for the felines to be done. Plus what kind of future would await a couple that doesn’t ride in a convertible during their wedding day honking motorcade? The September weddings are for the desperate. Those have definitely settled for their 10th choice at best.

A Lebanese wedding is more like a Bride’s obstacle course. The first challenge for a Bride-to-be is when a Suitable Suitor shows up, she has to drop everything (Studies, Boyfriends, etc…). If she fails this test, she’d be forever labeled as a Mfazlakeh.

Then comes “The Test” which all girls pass of course due to modern medical advances . Every thing else becomes secondary. Unless the suitable suitor is of a different suit. In that case the festivities get moved to Cyprus and some family members might bless the unholy union with Death Threats. Otherwise we’re good to go for the Wedding Day.

Fitting into the dress is a universal challenge, but the first big test on the Lebanese Wedding day is sticking the dough. A Bride must stick a piece of dough on the door of her house-to-be. That might sound easy, but she must do it while being carried on the shoulders of the groom and the perverted uncle who offers to help just so he can get an ass grab. If she fails then “Thanks for coming” the wedding is off.; no pressure.

Dough sticks? Then proceed with “I Do”s and the "Wililililililililiiish"s.
The make up challenge is the toughest of them all , no Lebanese Bride has been able to pass this test in the presence of Grandmothers. This one is not a deal breaker though.

After the reception, there is one more obstacle. Just when the bride thinks it’s all over and she’s finally going to get some , she is paraded around town in a loud scandalous honking motorcade to let everyone know someone is getting laid tonight.

Mazel Tov.

Overheard Today

Abou Abed: Now let's see. Who fired First, What Retaliated and I don't know Re-retaliated.
Bou Stef: That's what I wanna find out.
Abou Abed: I say Who's firing.
Bou Stef: You know the fellows' names?
Abou Abed: Certainly
Bou Stef:Who fired First?
Abou Abed:Yes!
Bou Stef: I mean the fellow's name!
Abou Abed:Who!
Bou Stef: The guy on the Border!
Abou Abed: Who!
Bou Stef: The Rocketman!
Abou Abed: Who!
Bou Stef: The guy firing Rockets!
Abou Abed: Who fired first!
Bou Stef: Now whaddya askin' me for?
Abou Abed: I'm telling you Who fired first.
Bou Stef: Well, I'm asking YOU who's firing.!
Abou Abed: That's the man's name.
Bou Stef: That's who's name?
Abou Abed: Yes.
Bou Stef: Well go ahead and tell me.
Abou Abed: Who.
Bou Stef: The guy firing.
Abou Abed: Who!
Bou Stef: The Rocketman.
Abou Abed: Who fired!





Disclaimer: This post was 100% Plagiarized. Harvard here I come!

The Amal and PSP Thugs at it again

For the second time this week, the Amal thugs and the PSP thugs go at it in an all out brawl on the LAU campus. The Army and Police have taken control of the campus, and the students were sent to the Voile Bleu early this weekend. Yes LAU, so that meant a lot of ripped Armani shirts and smashed Rolexes, and that also means Pace e Luce will have to work overtime tonight to repair the damage.

Word is AUB campus followed suit and cancelled afternoon clashes. I mean classes.

Happy Israeli Gift Day

I've been extremely busy the last couple of days, but I can't let this day pass without thanking Israel for their generosity of 6 years ago.

On this day in 2000, Israel made a historically unprecedented move by giving up land for free. Just like that, out of the goodness of its heart.

But, the Lebanese being the ungrateful bastards we are, we want more more more.

So for the greedy in you I have this lebanese Saying for you.

"Iza Ken Habibak 3asal , Ma telhaso kello."

Thank you Israel, and Get well soon Uncle Ariel.

Hazzoura

Irrelevant blabber.Forced Dialogues. Forced Dialogues in FousHa Arabic. Hundreds of Episodes. A Hunky Protagonist, or is he the antagonist. Suspenseless Drama. Guest characters. Weird Names. Amateurish Camera work. Worldwide audience. Unskilled actors. Elongated themes. Staged fights.

What is it?

I too ask the Interpol to arrest Walid Jumblat...

....Nabih Berri, Samir Geagea, The crook that robbed me in Prague, Ariel Sharon's comatose fat ass, Geroge W. Bush, the crooks that I had to bribe in the Czech Republic, Brother Bashar Assad, Donald Rumsfeld, Brother Rustum Ghazaleh, Phillip Morris, Brother Moustapha Tlas, Michel Hayek, Brother Abdel Halim Khaddam, My ex-Girlfriend, The Dallouls, OJ Simpson, The Fattoushs, Benjamin Netenyahu, The owner of that Restaurant in Aley who "Hit and Ran" back in 1999, Ronaldinho, 2003 Fiesta Bowl Back Judge Terry Porter, the Producers of "Magnolia", the whole staff of Electricite du Liban, "Martyr" Yasser Arafat and a few other Martyrs while you're at it.

Crazy Thought

I've always argued that the happiest people are kids and crazy folks. Therefore, I've set insanity as a life goal of mine.

Disney World markets itself as the "Happiest Place on Earth". I can't disagree with that. Disney has succeeded in convincing people that being a kid is a good thing, and Disney World is a place were you are encouraged to be a kid and you'd be accepted as one (after you pay the Adult admission fee of course).

The way I see it, Beirut can equally claim the "Happiest Place on Earth" title by virtue of insanity. No other place can drive you insane like Beirut. We only need a Walt Disney to convince the people of Beirut to accept insanity as a good thing and we'd be set.

Sense of Urgency

I love our Government's and our Dialoguers' Composure.

In a country rich in its problems, most people would go crazy and panic trying to solve everything at once. Instead our leaders always keep their heads on straight. They take their time and work elaborately on each individual trouble spot. Step by step, one by one. Complete undivided attention to the details of each issue no matter how irrelevant it is.

I think I will adopt the same approach in my life, I will dedicate the next 4 months (extendable if necessary) exclusively to decide whether I should've gone with Cheerios instead of Sunnyside Up Fried eggs for breakfast this morning.

Breaking News

Melhem Karam is Bald.

From Lebanon 11

"It's Free" "بلا حقها"

It is the most despised phrase you can hear during a commercial transaction. What might seem like a smooth purchase will become nightmarish when the salesperson utters these 2 words.

Bargaining down a price is an essential skill developed through growth and experience, but a "بلا حقها" interrupts the instinctual habits as it forces you to go against nature.

How can an offer of free services be so evil? Well, because it is not genuine. If you take it literally, you will be accused of stealing. When a salesperson uses this phrase he is not being generous, he is forcing you to reverse bargain. He will insist on a "بلا حقها" until you are forced to start offering what you think is fair value. However the incessant "بلا حقها" will not stop pushing you into the unnatural position of offering more than his asking price of Zero.

Since you, being a fair normal person, will not walk away with the product or service for free. You will end up offering a sum of money well over the market value to counter the sales person "generosity". That is when the "بلا حقها" barrage stops, but instead of the salesperson being happy and appreciative of your offer; He (yes always a He) will be angry at you for breaking his word.

You just bullied him into accepting evil of money when all he wanted was to please you for free.


"بلا حقها" a Lebanese trade traditional strategy that was not taught in my MBA program.

Sausage Fest - The Final Day Maybe

I was duped. I must admit when they first announced the National Dialogue I thought they were gonna throw all these people in one room with Elie Skaff, no food, and no showers until they resolve their issues. I thought maybe after a while they would SMS vote people out. I dreamt that they would be forever locked in and we'd never ever hear of them again.

Alas, none of that happened.

However, we must appreciate and reward the efforts and the risks that our leaders went through to save us from a civil war in which they would kill us.

The highest honor bestowed, the John Bolton Cedar Shield, for the biggest and only winner in the conference goes to Hassan Nasrallah. Dude was like Michael Jackson serving milk and cookies to the kids around the table. Too easy.

The Black and Decker irrelevant tool award is shared by Nabih Berri and Fouad Siniora.

The Google.com Map Reader award goes to the Beik, and Kiwi's Shiniest head to the Doc.

The Michel El Murr tightest jaw award goes to ,.... Drum roll.... Michel El Murr.

A Gold Star and a Smiley face for Elie Skaff. Bravo ya Batal!

A Silver spoon goes to ... nah, he doesn't need it.

As for the rest, well, you still have today to try to earn something.

Sunday Food Questions

How many tables does the average "Meza Vegetable Bowl" visit?

Why do all Lebanese get an Ice Cream urge in the South Bound Lane of the Coastal Highway at the Jounieh-Kaslik Junction?

Same question but with Corn on the Cob and Manara Corniche?

Are we the only country in the world that wraps French Fries in bread?

What the heck is a Francisco and how did it become a staple of Lebanese cuisine?

Product Rating

Overheard

Auntie: Did you get it yet?
Tante: No not yet, I can't wait any longer, they promised it won't take more than 2 weeks.

Auntie: Khay, Hope you get lucky with it.
Tante: Yeah, I hope it won't torture me.

Auntie: It'll be all good, Ethiopian?
Tante: No, no, no, that's the Laziest Brand.

Auntie: True, but don't tell me it's Sri Lankan, that's the dirtiest.
Tante: God forbid, No. Are you crazy?

Auntie: I thought maybe. What is it then?
Tante: Philipino, of course.

Auntie: Oh yeah, these are the best. They come "learned".
Tante: Yeah, I have no patience to teach anymore.

Auntie: Yalla, hope you receive it soon.

Babysitting Saad

As long as the Secular Peace Loving citizens of Lebanon don't build a massive force to overthrow the multiheaded dictatorship we have, we are stuck with our current "Budding Democracy/Tri-theist Feudal System." A Lebanese citizen's fate is tied to the political decisions of the 3 Gods of the Sects that count. Recently 2 Gods started mounting an attack on the Third one, who currently holds more power than allowed by our delicate system of Checks and Balances.

They might actually succeed in crushing Lord Saad, but that too would violate our Sacred Checks and Balances which would be a very dangerous omen. Destroying a God causes a void that must be filled immediately. With the lack of a strong alternative to Lord Saad, that void might well be filled by another Lord Turbaned and Bearded. Can we afford that?

So with the lack of a decent replacement God, the Lebanese must babysit Lord Saad and make sure he keeps pace with the other 2.

Now if you think this is complicated, keep in mind this is still Lebanonology 101.

Protest Survival Kit

Let the pissing match begin. 250 Billion Teachers took to the streets of Beirut to protest something. Yesterday was the first of many "biggest demonstration in the history of Lebanon" to come in the next few weeks. So when your turn to take to the street comes make sure to keep in mind these essential tips.

Flags and banners are essential for demonstrations, actually they are the demonstration. Keep the sweatty people and replace the flags with lollipops and it becomes a rave. So make sure you have the flags, BUT make sure you are not the one carrying them. While flag waving can be fun for a minute or two, it gets tiring and annoying after that; plus you will need your hands free for holding your breath, tossing molotovs, or doing hand signals.

Water is important but carry just enough to keep you alive, extra water will weigh you down if you carry it in your hand and it hinders your tear gas dodging ability if you carry it in your bladder.

Ladies, NO High Heels! I know yesterday you didn't want to be mistaken for a Hezbollahian, but trust me, the blinding fluorescent orange took care of that. Also Gucci kinda weakens your case at a Union protest.

If you're thinking about making a quick buck at the protest by selling party memorabilia, coffee, water, ice cream, or Rear View Mirror Elvises; then think again because someone already beat you to that.

See you at the Bakers' demonstration.

On the Eve of May 10th

At this moment it seems as "all systems go" for tomorrow's Labor Unions' march. As is the case with everything else in Lebanon, the unions belong to rival political parties. So Labor demands naturally put us on "the verge" of civil war.

As usual the majority team cried "Syria", I'm not sure that still has any effect though. I mentioned Kamel El Assaad a couple of posts back, well I think he is Saad Hariri's dynasty advisor. At the pace things are going, I wouldn't be surprised if Fouad Siniora and Saad Hariri end up in jail for the assassination of Rafiq Hariri.

Anyways, I will go down to the street tomorrow and quiz the people on the economic reform plan, that should be interesting.

Night Capper

I've been finally cleared of the Spam Charges, I doubt I will ever recover from this accusation. I could live with being labeled a Terrrorist, but a Spammer! That is just the low of lows. But back to business....

No matter what night and what club you chose for your "Sahra" in Lebanon, at some point during the evening the music will be halted mid beat for the "Congratulations and Celebrations" song. Along with its accompanying flares and champagne, the Unbekannt (yep that's their name) hit is the only way to celebrate a Birthday in the Beirut night life scene.

Who am I to go against tradition.

Congratulations and celebrations
When I tell everyone that you're in love
with me
Congratulations and jubilations
I want the world to know I'm happy as can be.

Genetic Degradation

My grandfather never went to school because the education budget that was supposed to go to him and his peers went to Kamel El Assaad's Learning Fund instead. I went to "The U", the absolute bestest university on earth. Here's a poem by my illiterate, yet published, Grandfather. Meanwhile the Blogger.com Anti-Spam Robot just described my writing as "irrelevant, repetitive, or nonsensical text." Take that Darwin.

This is from his book Ar-Rawabi Al-Amiliyyah, I managed to type it in Arabic in less than 3 days.

الجملُ الشارد

أظُنكَ قد سَئِمت من الطُّلولِ

وأنّاتِ الأرامِل و العويلِ

تَركْتَ الدّارَ تنعي مَن بناها
لِتَشرُد في البراري والسّهولِ

تَلَفََّّتَ نحو صَوتي ، ثمّ أصغى
وحدّق بي ليعرف عن فُضولي

فقلت له: عزيزي إن تُطِعْني
أُعِدَّكَ صاحب الخلق النّبيل

وتَرجعُ للحظيرةِ في أمانٍ
وما في الدّار من ظلٍّ ظليل

وأرْغى ثم أزْبَدَ لن أُلبي:
وما تبغيه فوق المستحيل

عَرَضْتَ نَصيحةً، فإليك عذري
سأرفُضُها مع الشُّكرِ الجزيلِ

وإن أحببت فَاسمعْ عن حياتي
وأهلي في الفُروعِ و الأصول

أنا جملٌ من الصَّحراء أصلي
أصيلٌ في العُروق من الفُحول

دُعيتُ سفينة الصحراءِ يوماً
تُسيَّر بالبخارِ على الرُّمولِ

وفي عَصْرِ الفضاء يضيعُ قََََدري
فأمقِتُ ذِكرَ تاريخٍ خجول

وكانت جدّتي من سَهل عكّا
وجدّي كان من صفدِ الجليل

نشأت بأرض عاملةًٍ صغيراً
وفي لبنان في البلدِ الجميلِ

وعِشت بهذه الدُّنيا وحيداً
ومات الكلُّّ من أبناءِ جيلي

وعافت عادة التّدخين نَفْسي
وإنّي ارتَحتُ من هذا القبيل

وما حاولت نَظم الشّعر يوماً
وما أُغريت من طرفٍ كحيل

ولم أعشق وما مرّغت خدّي
بمسحوقٍ على خدٍّ أسيل

وما وفِّقت من أبناء جنسي
بأُنثى تستريح لها ميولي

ولم أندم لأنّي لم أُوفّق
لأني ما جنَيْتُ على فصيل

وقُلتُ: إذا قُتلت وضاع عمري
سأقضي و الصّغار بلا معيل

وأرملتي تنام بحضن غيري
وأبنائي كأبناء السّبيلِ

حسبت العيش في لبنان سهلاً
بظلِّ نسيمه العذب العليلِ

ولكني فُشِلْتُ و خاب ظنّي
شردتُ: ورُحت اغرق بالذهول

بُليتُ بصاحبٍ قاسٍ عنيدٍ
شحيح النّفس مبتذلٍ بخيل

يجود على حمارته كثيراً
ويعطيني من العلف القليل

وكنتُ من الحمير أشدُّ عزماً
ومن جنس البغال و مِ الخيول

أكولٌ أطحن ((القوصان)) طحناً
كأنّ بلثّتي انياب فيل

كَلُبْدَةِ ضيغمٍ يعلو سنامي
وسيقاني كأعمدة النّخيل

قويٌّ مثل صلد الصخر رأسي
وإني صاحب العنق الطويل

سُقيتُ المرَّ من عَسفٍ و جَورِ
و لمّا يُحترَم عرضي و طولي

ويسبقني حمارٌ قُبرُصيٌّ
من الأتراك أكثر من جهول

حمارٌ كان ممقوتاً كريهاً
ويوصَفُ بالبلادة و الخُمول

وأنهَرُ ثمّ أتبع رغم أنفي
أَمشي مشية العبد الذليل

وتجرح شفرة الصُّوان خُفّي
وأرجع بالغلال من الحقول

وأركع كَي يكون الحِملُ فوقي
أنوَءُ بوطأةِ الحمل الثّقيل

وأَقضي اليوم في عطشٍ و جوعٍ
أكدُّ من الصّباح إلى الأصيل

وهى عزمي و صرت كما تراني
أضجّ من الهزال و م النحول

خِوار الثّور يعبث في مِزاجي
ويقلقني الحصان من الصّهيل

نَعَم: إني سئمت من المآسي
وما في النّاس من قالٍ و قيلِ

سئمتُ من الحروب و من لظاها
وليس يروق لي قرع الطبول

و أصوات المدافع و الشّظايا
تُقرّبُ ساعة الحشر المهول

وينتشر الخراب بكلِّ حيٍّ
ويلقى النّاس في أشداق غول

ومن عجبٍ فإنّ القوم صمٌّ
وعميٌ في الضمائر و العقول

عَجِبتُ لقاتلٍ يجني زهوراً
وينثرها على قبر القتيل

ومَن سلك الخيانة شرّ دربٍ
ومِن شرِّ المُنافق و العميل

وهل أُخبِرتَ عن نذلٍ جبانٍ
تهاوى أمام أقدام الدّخيل

ولمّا ضِقت في بيروتَ ذرعاً
وما فيها من الخطر الوبيل

قصدت إلى بلاد الشّام أسعى
إلى بَرَدى لِكي أطفي غليلي

فقيلَ بأنّني جَملٌ غريبٌ
نُسلتُ من التّتار أو المغول

ومجهولُ الهويّةِ أجنبيٌّ
وإني قد مُنعتُ من الدخول

وإذْ وضعوا الحواجز في طريقي
تعذّر نحو بغدادٍ وصولي

وفي يومٍ قصدت ديار مِصْرٍ
فلم ألقَ لأرضها من سبيل

فلا أهرامها إعترفت بحقّي
ولا اهتمت و ليس النّيلُ نيلي

ومن أدهى المشاكل في إعتقادي
إذا أسعى إلى بلد الرّسولِ

وكُلُّ منابع الخيرات فيها
وبترولٌ تدفّقَ كالسُّيول

سَيسعى الأمرِكان إلى اعتقالي
كجاسوسِ شيوعيِّ الميولِ

وإن أنسى فلن أنسَ عذابي
وقهراَ ليس بعده من مثيل

فَفي سجن الخيام قضيت عاماً
وإخواناً ترحّبُ بالنزيل

بموفورِ الحَفاوةِ أتحفوني
بما في الصّحن من عدسٍ و فول

وكانَ مجاهدٌ يلقي عظاتٍ
بتحريم الدّعارة و الكحول

عريقٌ في الجهاد له اقتدارٌ
فقيهٌ بالشّريعة و الأصول

فصيحٌ في العبارةِ حين يروي
عن التّاريخ و المجد الأثيل

ويحكي عن صلاحِ الدّينِ مجداً
وعن إبن الوليدِ و شرحبيل

وطارقُ كيف يعْبُرُ من مضبقٍ
وموسى من مضيق الدردنيل

وأسياف العروبةِ كيفَ كانت
تُمزِّقُ بالطّلائعِ و الفلول

ولكن ما فهمتُ فبين فَهمي
وبين الدَّرسِ فُسْحةُ ألفِ ميلِ

تبلّدَ من صروفِ الدّهرِ ذِهني
أُمَثِّلُ دَورَ تِلميذٍ كسول

وكانت تُهمةُ الإرهابِ ضدّي
جُزافاً لا تقوم على دليل

ومارسَ مهنة التّعذيب موسى
لحاه الله من قََزمٍ هزيل

بسلك الكهرباء كوى عظامي
وأنفي كان يُمرَغُ في الوحول

وموسى فاسدُ الأخلاقِِ لصٌّ
أتى يسطو على عِنَبِ الخليلِ

فلا حلَّ السّلامُ بِقومِ موسى
عُصاةِ اللهِ أتباعِ العُجول

ولم أجهش و لم تنْزِل دموعي
وكانت لا تَكُفّ عن الهُطول

وكانت أُسوةً بأبي فراسٍ
فَتى حمدانَ و البَطلِ الجليلِ

ولمّا أثبت التّحقيقُ عَجزي
وجَهلي بالقنابِلِ و الفتيلِ

ببُطءٍ فكّكَ السَّجانُ قَيدي
وأخطرني بإخلاءِ السّبيلِ

ولكن رَغمَ آلامي سَأحيا
وقد يأتي الرّبيعُ من الفصول

وأرْعى في المروجِ الخُضرِ عُشباً
وما فوقَ الأديمِ من البُقولِ

صَديقي: سَوفَ أبقى في البراري
ولأَن أهوى سِواها من بديلِ

أُكَحِّلُ من ضياءِ الشّمس عيني
تَراها في الشُّروقِ و في الأفولِ

وأقصِدُ إن عَطِشت النّهر ليلاً
وآنَسُ بالوُحوشِ و بالوُعول

خَلعتُ مَذلّتي و خلعت رِحلي
ومن يومٍ عَزِمتُ على الرّحيل

ولن أبقى و حِمْلي فوق ظهري
ولن أرضى بأنصافِ الحُلولِ

محمد جعفر
الرّوابي العامليّة

Kudos to Hmadeh, Kordahi, and co.

Our successive Ministers of Communications are on to something. All along I thought they were slacking, but I must admit I underestimated their visionary strategy.

When I keep hearing that Iraq and Afghanistan have much faster internet connections than Lebanon, I can't help but think that something is really wrong with this picture. How do we expect the country to progress when we don't have enough bandwidth to download Paris Hilton's latest sexcapades?

Then it hit me. You know when you go buy the latest electronic gadget and then you get really pissed when a month later there's a newer model and yours is now at half price. Well, that is the feeling our men in charge are guarding us against. Why invest in a DSL network when in a couple of years there will be a new standard for internet and then 2 years after
that an even newer technology generation?

We are waiting it out, waiting for when we hit the final frontier in technology, then we can be assured that our investement is a sound one. Until then enjoy the little dial up connection beeping/scratching composition. Your ears are of the few privileged ones that still get to hear that symphonic tune in 2006 A.D.

Garbage

Let me start by saying that garbage in the streets of Beirut is NOT a huge problem. Sure a lot of people are just dirty fucks that toss their empty and popped Bonjus boxes in vacated store fronts, but I've seen much worse.

But I do wonder what the heck did Sukleen do with the dumpster covers. Walking by a Beirut dumpster is a feat that not even David Blaine dares attempt. The garbage spillage does provide a lovely playground for our cute little kittens though.

Seriously though, I went online shopping for garbage dumpsters and was impressed with the variety and the rich designs in the garbage dumpster industry. I wonder how many garbage dumpster designers' childhood dream was to garbage dumpster design. Anyways, dozens of colors, forms, and sizes, but I failed to find any coverless models.

So My question is: Where did all the Beirut Dumpster covers go? I really would like to know.

Window Shopper

In honor of the World's most decorated Rapper (9 Bullets and Counting) visiting Beirut, I will pay tribute to his latest hit song "Window Shopper". To my untrained ears it sounds exactly the same as his other songs "Magic Stick" and "Candy Shop" or was it "Magic Shop" and "Candy Stick." I'm sure the Connoisseur in you would disagree.Anyways, 50 will be culture shocked when he sees that a Window Shopper in Lebanon is not the same as a Window Shopper in the USA.

In Lebanon, people do literally shop out of their windows. 8 flights of stairs and no working elevator would make most people starve to death, but not the Lebanese. A long rope and a basket, plastic bag, or a Tatra Can reestablish the food supply route into any apartment.
Money down; Bread, Tomatoes, Newspapers, Stolen Appliances up. Veterans use impressive complex pulley systems to ease the exchange; however, amateur transactions are much more fun to watch. Vertical seperation does not impede salesmanship and price haggling but sorry no Visa or Mastercard.


Nigga you's a window shopper....